I wonder what it would be like to have parents who actually liked each other. My whole life I have just been in the middle of my parents trying to kill each other. Is there any question as to why I have a personality disorder? I was never really taught how to act properly and just acted like everything was ok when I was around people in school and social functions when in fact I was falling apart. I don't really understand what is the point of having children if you are in a bad marriage and you know your children are never going to be happy. Maybe my parents had me in order to get back at the world for giving them bad lives. Since they couldn't make other people suffer, they could bring someone into the world and make him suffer for many years. Haha, what a great way to let out that anger!

So whatever, I was screwed from the beginning. But I really hate myself for the fact that I have taken this out on other people who did not deserve it. The one girl who showed affection to me in my life, I pushed her away and called her a bitch. She was there for me in so many ways and I will never EVER meet anyone like her again. The truth is she's far from being a bitch and she's much more of a human than I can ever wish to be. Excuse me I think I'm going to go slit my wrists now.

LONELYLOSER.. arrg! arrg! arrg!

i know what you mean about treating people bad cause you are screwed up. My parents never liked eachother either.. but it wasnt so bad.. they were relatively civil in any case

Lonely, I know its hard on you. Too many years of solitude has sort of made you overly suspicious of anything good. For the girl, maybe you can go apologize to her about the name calling, if she is a true friend, she would forgive you and still care for you.

NO!!! STOP RIGHT THERE!!! NO YOU DON'T. Killing yourself solves nothing.



I feel the same way about my parents.

When I was growing up I used to ask God to please make my parents get a divorce so I could live with my father. My life today would be drastically different if they had, and it would have been for the better.

Well, hmm, I think it'd be nice just to have parents again, since I can barely remember mine..

I'm sorry queen, thats sad,

i do have agree with LL

parents suck, they're so mean, make me feel terrible. I'm still being put in the middle, the messange who always still gets it taken out on. asking my dad to pay the medicial bills and getting lashed at mom for not having a spine because i can't stand up to him. I feel so powerless, it just makes me want to killl myself as well, that reminds me i have a chem test tomorrow I need to do some more reaserch on theology.. haha.. ya i don't know if any of you got that, kinda funny. try not to kill yourself.

I've hated my parents a lot, truth is though that I feel very fortunate they look out for me even though they've been through a lot. Really the only main reason I keep going everyday is because I have a debt to them. Whats been borthering me recently is if they anticipated me dying a lonely death when decided to have an only child. Even though I know my parents loved me, I've had some terrible encounters that could have ended badly...some kinds of love, you just dont want. I do know my parents don't love each other anymore (or never were since I was born), they're just in it with each other. I don't think you're missing much.

I think you should give that girl you mentioned a call instead of cutting yourself....I guarantee you won't regret making the call.....wait...call her only if you haven't already called her a million times asking for forgiveness and shes irgnored you. I tried it, doesn't work, gotta use your calls sparingly with increasing intervals between each call, and NEVER admit you're insane or that you're even 1% correct to do what you did.

what does chemistry have to do with theology? Sorry im low on sleep.

This post was last modified: 02-20-2008 03:03 PM by Ekstra.

You should apologize to the girl. This has nothing to do with forgiveness or even not cutting yourself; do it because it is the right thing to do. I can't stress how important it is to realize here that it isn't the outcome that matters, but the fact that you realize that you made a mistake, and you're correcting it insofar as you can.

I've done something like that before, but worse(even though it was well-intentioned). I went back a year later and apologized to the girl; she seemed to accept it, but several years later, proceeded to reappear in my life as a very determined enemy who possibly ruined both a relationship as well as my job.

But I don't regret apologizing, because it was the right thing to do.

Regards,
IO

Once again, IO offers some good advice.

@ IO: I'm sorry things turned out like that! Man, that must have been horrid. Some people just can't let go, huh?

It's hard knowing that many of us didn't get the best of parents. I went through 13 years of child-abuse, and it left me angry and full of hate for many years. The thing is, I realized that I could blame my parents until the end of time, but it wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't take back the pain and hurt that they gave me, and it wouldn't improve anything in the present.

I agree with IO... go back and apologize to that woman. Let her know how you feel about her, and what she did for you. I hope things get better for you soon.