..is that you can't tell anyone, or they will avoid you.

I used not to give a fuck about telling my situation to others, but then I learned that if I want to have a chance of living a normal life, I have to hide everything. No one wants to share his time with a lonely person.

And now whenever I'm with someone, I feel like I'm hiding some terrible dark secret about myself. I'll have to hide it forever, the fact that I'm alone, and so, alone I will always be even in the company of others.

I can empathise with that particular mode of thinking pard. Whenever I consider telling someone about my state of mind, I can never go through with it because I'm always worried that I'll come across as overly needy and consequently be veiwed as an intolerable burden.

I too have decided to keep it to myself, it's hard but like you said who wants to be with a lonely person? Not that I spend time with people that much anyway, I try not to care anymore.

Hmmm, I wonder? Maybe one of least attractive qualities in a loner ( speaking for myself too ) is that the develop a very hard and stoical edge. Let's face it, if you present an inaccessible front to others the chances are excellent that they probably won't want to waste their time trying to get blood out of a stone.
To polarise the situation-imagine that you have a choice between two women in a bar. The first is tantalizingly pretty and out of the corner of her eye you can see that she has been giving you an appraising glance or three but when you finally buck up the courage to approach her- she clams up. The second woman - though modestly attractive. needs no invitation she is already talking to you and furthermore isn't just talking about herself she genuinely seems to be interested in learning more about your humble self. You are having trouble maintaining your composure for the first fifteen minutes but she doesn't seem to mind, then from somewhere you find an extra edge of confidence, hitherto unknown and actually find that you do have something to talk about. By the end of the evening you actually realize that you have made a fine account of yourself even making her laugh from time to time.
(Only later do you discover to that she is in fact a he )

I jest but I hope you can see my overall point. Perhaps the barriers we use to sheild out selves from hurt are the actual cause of our misery? I don't really know the answer to that myself, but I am enjoying trying to be positive.

I think it's particularly hard for lonely males. Being stoic and tough and keeping your emotions held in are 'normal' behaviors for males. You men have it a bit rougher in that sense. Try to avoid isolating yourselves with addiction to internet or computer games.

That's resonable advice but I think the net, games and Dvd's help fill obvious voids in the life of a lonely individual (esp men as you put it). I think I would go crazy without any form of distraction to pass the hours.

I think the net also helps lonely people. Take these forums for example. People are pouring their hearts to strangers. Most of us here (I'm assuming based on previous posts) would dream of talking like this to people in real life. I think it helps to know that there are people out there experiencing the same thing and that we ourselves may be able to help someone else. I always believed that helping someone else when you're feeling bad about your own lot makes you feel a whole lot better.

True.

Hi Red Queen,

I agree. I think that helping others makes us feel better about ourselves. Which in turns attracts more friendships and positive vibes than wallowing in self-pity, as many of us are wont to do.

If I were a lonely male, I'd take a self-inventory, thinking about my interests, and my own unique talents, personality traits, etc. I would try to look online for a match, and I would join clubs and do service projects. Where I live, the people who go to feed the homeless, etc, are usually 90 percent single females looking for men! The men are usually outnumbered greatly and hence have their pick of the litter so to speak.

I find the hardest thing though is actually getting out and doing it though. You procrastinate and make excuses not to go out and do it. But really, after you take that first step to do something, ANYTHING, it feels great and hopefully you keep on that track and keep doing stuff.