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Hey everyone. This is my rant.

I felt like I was an odd one out. A black sheep among the whites one. I have no idea why I felt this way, it's just felt that I can't connect to them anymore. I felt so suffocating everytime I have to go to class. It's not like they are avoiding me, they only talk to me when I talk to them. If I don't start a conversation, they won't.

It got to a point where I felt that I started lying to myself saying I enjoy being alone but that's not me. I don't think anyone enjoy being alone. This made me feel like maybe there's something wrong with me. Maybe I'm not really a good friend? I don't know and I don't think I will. You won't expect me to run back to my highschool friends because all of us split up.

This is so heavy. I don't know what is it that I wanted anymore. I still do great in my studies but that's just a matter of time. I'm starting to lose interesrt in everything even eating. There's one time I got so depressed that I didn't eat for that day.

People says I'm great and all but I think that's just buttered up phrase where you can hear anywhere and to be exact, why is it so hard to get a friend? My defination for friend is someone who can take your bullshits, give you harsh and critical comments and give you his piece of mind when you piss him off but I think my standard is just too high. I don't think it's possible to even find such a person unless you started knowing him since childhood?

If any of you guys can figure out what's wrong with me, do tell me. They say you can figure out someone personality through their writing? I don't know. I know I can't but thanks for reading my rant anyway. I do feel a bit better but this doesn't explain my current feeling very well. I feel so complicated, so devoid of the world that I tend to just lose interest in everything. I don't sleep well in night nowadays too. I just wanna shout FML to everyone I meet now. I bet that will makes me feel good.
I think that if you are failing to eat, sleep and are generally feeling apathetic, then it would be a good idea to see a doctor in case you are suffering from clinical depression.

As for friends, there is nothing wrong with you, and you should make friends with time.

I wish you all the best, take care.
(06-10-2010, 02:36 AM)Eath Wrote: [ -> ]It's not like they are avoiding me, they only talk to me when I talk to them. If I don't start a conversation, they won't.

Sounds like you're a wallflower. That's my problem too. I'm invisible unless I go out of my way to be seen and heard. Which I can do, but it does get tiresome.

No clue how to change that, but hopefully others on here can give you some useful advice. All I know is it does get better once you're out of school. Don't let yourself sink into depression because of it. I don't think it means anything is wrong with you.
All I can really say is I relate. When I was in school people were Only interested in me when it benefited them. I highly doubt any of my high school "friends" even remember my name.

You seem to want someone to just yell at you... a friend is someone you can rely on for the truth. However, the truth needs to be pleasant more times that not. If someone is always miserable around you why would they want to spend time around you?

I do not know how to fix the problem of lack of socialization. Maybe do some research on current events? Sit down and practice conversation starters? Probably most of all get more comfortable around people in real life.
I feel exactly the way you do, all I can come up with is that it might be better once we are out of school. AFrozenSoul, you said you were in the same situation when you were in school. Did you find more good friends when you were in the real world?
I feel similar that I have to start conversation, or people will just by pass me. I don't know whether I really am quiet or not.

I can't reason it.
@ kyle16 : It does get better out in the real world, not totally better but better than school. In school I was always left out cos I was a self-confessed nerd/ person that was into gothic music (weird I know Toungue) . I never had any close friends I could talk to and the only "friends" I had were only there cos I could help them out with schoolwork. But now I'm in a science college and it's pretty small and the fact that everyone has the same interests makes it easier to make proper friends. Its the same story for everyone who was left out in school that I know, either they met a load of new friends when they went and got jobs or they found their place in college. Big Grin Be optimistic about the future even if the present sucks. I still feel alone but at least now its not 24/7 365 days of the year.
Im exactly like you, the difference is now im completely enjoying it! Smile


Hey Eath, I swear I was reading my own words describing how I felt when I started my new job...

I knew who I was... I saw nothing wrong with me (and there isn't aside from the trivial flaws we all have), but after about 2 weeks of being quite I just decided I was going to be myself whether they liked it or not... and guess what... at first...


there wasn't a single joke or jolly statement I could say that was met with understanding and returned with good humor, but one thing I didn't do... was Give up... I decided.. I am who I am... and they are going to have to get used to it....... and guess what


infact everyone there generally liked me and even the people who I annoyed secretely hated that I was very difficult to dislike...

Suffice to say I ended up leaving that job... why? I knew who I was they knew who I was and I was tired of being abused, ignored where it mattered most, or stepped on and attacked for reasons completely unconnected to me or not having to do with me...

What did I learn? That that wasn't the place for me to be anymore... I worked at stores like it all my life and I could see what was coming before it even came... I'd much rather have stayed and still have a paycheck coming every 2 weeks, but at what cost? Feeling like a depressed worthless peice of shit crying myself to sleep at night becuase I have nobody to share my true feelings with? No...

Also as far as you being clinically depressed, I think that would be for a doctor to decide... If you decide to see one best of luck to you with that.

However, recently I've discovered that physical health and mental health go hand in hand... when I eat poor or unhealthy foods and don't exercise regularly or arn't challenging myself enough mentally (reading books, learning, socializing)... i suffer mentally...

Perhaps school isn't for you... I don't know you so take this with a grain of salt please... but maybe you arn't being challenged... or maybe you are too hard on yourself and haven't given people enough time...

it took 2 weeks to be confident in me beingmyself in a new environment... and another 2 weeks for people to gain confidence in me...

so expect it to take at least that long with anyone... but stick it out for at least that long with each person you think might be worthy of your time... you'll find out whether they are a keeper or not...

I also don't know your situation schooling wise, career wise or otherwise, but perhaps you should be working with your hands more... to keep you out of that very active mind of yours... I hope my next job keeps my hands buisy so i have less time to think...

anyway good luck to you, pm if you want to talk or get anything off your chest... apathy is a specialty of mine Wink