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Hello there,

I have been lurking around for a while, reading the other posts. It's quite comforting to know that there are other people who feel almost exactly the same way I do. Obviously, I do not actively wish loneliness upon anyone else, but if it has to exist it's nice to be able to interact with others who experience it.

I will probably post other fun tidbits later on, but I will just give you a brief introduction to what I'm about for now. I think the best word to describe me would be "invisible." Invisible in social situations of any kind, invisible to boys (something of a misnomer; at my age pursuing "boys" would probably land me in jail), even invisible to my own friends.

I have always had trouble keeping friends, from a very young age. I would have one or two at a time, and then they would bore of me and move on to better, more interesting playmates. That trend has not changed, except for a few notable exceptions who I fear will forget me soon as well.

I am part of a few circles due to volunteering and social awareness activities that I engaged in, and although I get along with the people and consider them good and kind individuals (they are, after all, altruistic), I am always forgotten. I am never invited to events or parties, and when I look at pictures of the few that I do have the chance to go to, I am never in any of them. I feel like I am out of sight, out of mind. When I'm shoved in their faces I am a suitable distraction, but no one would go so far as to actively recruit my presence. I feel like I do not even exist.

And finally (I'm almost done, promise), I feel like it's all my fault. From the time that I first achieved self-awareness, I became self-aware of the fact that I am a loser. I feel like it is a privilege to be talked to, a privilege that is bestowed upon me at the discretion of others. I wish that I could blame it on the world, that I could hate the people who reject me, but I can't. I see so much beauty in others, so much life and energy and wonderful people I cannot have access to because of whatever it is that I lack. There is something wrong with me that is keeping me alone, and I wish that I could figure out what that is.

I guess my "brief" introduction turned into an essay. If I haven't bored you to death, then thanks for reading. Smile
I haven't found you boring in the least. If anything you seem very eloquent. I know how you feel about being invisible. Aside from my immediate family, if I were to die right now typing this reply, the only people who would pursue my whereabouts would be bill collectors or my job wanting to know where I was. Not one man in all the world would shed a tear at my passing. It would be as uneventful as pot roast going on sale. I don't think it's because I'm not worthy of having more in my life. I think it's just the misfortune of how things turn out sometimes. You get busy with life and so don't take time for the other stuff. I hope that you don't think that you are in some way unworthy of the things you wrote about or not worthwhile either. Perhaps you have spent a lot of time in college getting your degree and yes, once out, people do tend to get busy with life. Maybe your just a really shy girl? So hold your head up, and know that it isn't your fault. Your doing a good thing by reaching out. You aren't invisible at all. I see you.....and so far I like what I see. Welcome to ALL
Futurecatlady: Sometimes I feel the same way. Like I'm invisible. And I really don't understand why. I',m always friendly, polite, and when appropriate I will try to engage in social interactions with people I don't know. Yet no one seems interested in pursuing friendship with me or dedicating me more attention than necessary. Even my friends were that way! I eventually gave up trying to gather them together so we could hang out, to call them, to confide my problems in them, to even leave comments on their social network pages... because it usually was one way. :/ You can even see it now. I moved and they're all inviting each other out, sending each other messages, yet they don't spare a moment to ask me how I'm doing. It's like I'm invisible to everyone.

My biggest rant would be that... if I were to die, probably a lot of people who know me would show up (hard time believing it) and then be hypocrites about it. Because that's the way they act about it now.

I don't think it's fair of you to blame yourself for it. It is important to work on your self-esteem. I'm a psyc student so I know how important that is and I had to work a lot on my own self-esteem to move on. Even then, it's hard to keep a high self-esteem when these things happen. Toungue But I usually think of that when I'm on my own, reflecting. I think people all over really are becoming more self-centered. Perhaps it's not so much you, but them. Some people are nice to deal with, even "good", but... socially speaking, as friends, partners, etc., well, they suck. Remember: it's easy to underestimate yourself, but behind their facades they will also have their own issues.

I hope I didn't write too much and that this somehow makes sense. I couldn't resist replying to this post. Smile And I agree with Naleena: I also saw you, and I liked what I saw. Maybe you've come to the right place! Smile
Welcome!
hey and welcome
Welcome to the site. Smile
Hi, I love your intro post...and your name Smile That's one brand of crazed lonely loser that is off limits to me, being a dude and all. But I could still be balding middle aged dude living with mom who plays with dolls. Sounds exciting, right? Who knows what the future holds for us though. Nice to meet you
No, not bored to death at all.
Welcome Smile
Hi futurecatlady Big Grin

Luna

Hi there FCL,

Most of everything that I wanted to say, has already been said by the other members here. Toungue

However, I can definitely relate to you about feeling as if you're invisible despite your efforts.

And no, you certainly are not a loser.
Already I can tell that you're quite the interesting person. Big Grin

Welcome to ALL!
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