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Hi everybody. I just found this site today and I feel like I really could use some support right now (even if it's from total strangers) and just a place to explain myself without being judged hopefully. I'm 26 and my life couldn't be more of a mess if I tried. I'm going through some serious shit at the moment and don't have any friends or family to turn to, hence why I'm here. Looking at me you would never guess that I had so many problems right now in my life cos I always put on a smile and I suppose I'm quite an attractive lady and i dress well (try to) so I guess nobody would suspect anything. But in reality I'm living with my mentally ill boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years. However this is not a happy relationship as he's seriously violent to me and controlling to the point where he has no idea how bad he has really been to me. I have been plucking up the courage of leaving him for a long time now cos I don't love him like that anymore but I'm just so scared of life ahead of me. I'd have no where to go, no money (in fact £4000 of debt), no possessions, no friends and no family cos my mums a psycho and my dads a peadophile. But yet in spite of this I'm intelligent, arty and I'm a really caring person. Life just seems so harsh right now as I know I have so much to give and I'm so lonely. Ive always felt like an outsider and have never really 'fitted' in but life just keeps getting harder and harder. All I ever wanted was a family life and to enjoy life but it's just not working out for me. I'm scared I'll never meet anyone again cos ive always found it hard connecting to people as I've always been less confident than other people my age. So there's my intro... Hopefully people will get where I'm at. I'm writing this in my lunchbreak at work so sorry if it doesn't read that well. Thanks
Thats a lot to digest for a first post...

I just joined this forum myself and i can relate to the part of the post about your relationship as i just recently ended one similar to that of yours. All i can say is, try and make the most of this place. Try and use it as a place of refuge whenever you do feel like life is kicking you down. We are all here because we feel a certain way, and it definitely helps to know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. Although i am new here, i feel like these people here are the forum are some of the kindest on the internet, because we all know what it is like feel down and we all HATE that feeling. Try to make friends, try and have fun, i have a feeling that this is a great place to try and do both of those things.

Callie

Hi Smile
hey scared_of_life Big Grin
Welcome.

Get out of the relationship, you might be scared of life ahead of you but staying in that relationship is not helping you either. You need to get out now, 5 years is too long. Find out if there are any women's shelters in your area, pack up what you can and leave. You said you have no friends, but could it be because of your relationship? A friend of mine got out of her loveless marriage a few years ago, it wasn't physically abusive except for one time which she gave back herself, but she packed up her 3 kids and headed for the women's shelter. They took her in, and in your case they would welcome you with open arms, and you'll find other women there who are in the same situation.

SophiaGrace

I can't imagine how hard it must be to leave a relationshop like that if you have invested so much of yourself in it.

*hugs* we are here to support you.

Welcome to ALL.
I feel for your situation. I've also had zero friends, zero family, and been in desperate situations.

My advice is...actually don't pack your bags just yet.

You say things are bad. But remember: things can go from bad to worse.
Women's shelters can be highly depressing and humiliating.

"Leave him" "live your own life" "you have so much to offer": that's the advice I expect you'll get. And the advice givers are people who have never seen the really bleak hard side of life. Some women leave their abusive boyfriends only to fall downward in a spiral. Maybe it will be a women's shelter, new friends that introduce you to drugs, or you might stress out, have a panic attack and be involuntarily committed, given brain-destroying drugs, until you escape into the arms of an even more abusive boyfriend. Any number of things could happen.

My advice: try to make friends, and make more money, plan first act second.
Sorry that life is so dismal sometimes, I hope things get better.
Hi everyone, thanks for your responses. I really appreciate it. I've rang the refuges before and tried to leave dozens of times. But I guess what always scares me into staying is the fact that before I met my boyfriend I'd had no one in my life who had really understood me and I came from an emotionally cold family so I was really lonely. I'm scared of going back to that I suppose... Having no one, feeling isolated and like an outsider. I was never lucky with friends either so I guess that makes me think that why would that change? May be I'm just one of those people who are unlucky in that department? I just don't get it though cos I don't think that there is anything that wrong with me for me to have these problems. But what do I know. What I can say though is that my boyfriend was a drug addict and has no family or friends himself so I guess that's where I felt an affinity. But this is what makes things worse... I know there's a huge chance he could kill himself if I go which weighs me down. But I guess I'll make a decision eventually. But as I can't predict the future I don't know whether the future will be kind to me. But thanks everyone who responded for your help. I'm going to try and post on here as often as I can.
(12-09-2010, 11:12 PM)Scared_of_life Wrote: [ -> ]Hi everybody. I just found this site today and I feel like I really could use some support right now (even if it's from total strangers) and just a place to explain myself without being judged hopefully.

I'm glad you found us...it's very nice to meet you! Welcome to ALL:-)

Quote:I'm 26 and my life couldn't be more of a mess if I tried. I'm going through some serious shit at the moment and don't have any friends or family to turn to, hence why I'm here.

It seems you and I share a similar set of circumstances. My life has also become a general disaster and sadly I'm estranged from my family except now I have people to talk with here and I hope I'll make friends.

Quote:Looking at me you would never guess that I had so many problems right now in my life cos I always put on a smile and I suppose I'm quite an attractive lady and i dress well (try to) so I guess nobody would suspect anything.

It's not easy living behind a mask and putting up a front. People I've known haven't been interested in my reality, nor did they go out of their way to help me. Yes, we're responsible for managing our lives but sometimes I wish I'd luck out for once.

Quote:But in reality I'm living with my mentally ill boyfriend who I have been with for 5 years. However this is not a happy relationship as he's seriously violent to me and controlling to the point where he has no idea how bad he has really been to me. I have been plucking up the courage of leaving him for a long time now cos I don't love him like that anymore but I'm just so scared of life ahead of me.

Please forgive me for being a bit judgemental but YOUR SAFETY IS PARAMOUNT and I hope you will protect yourself from harm! I've also lived with persons who were psychologically and psychiatrically impaired...it's extremely difficult, very unpleasant, and emotionally draining. I beg you to reconsider your situation!

Quote:I'd have no where to go, no money (in fact £4000 of debt), no possessions, no friends and no family cos my mums a psycho and my dads a peadophile.

I pray that you'll find somewhere in this world where your contributions will be valued and you can find a purpose. The debt will be temporary, IMO there's a big upside to not having a lot of material stuff to manage, I'm confident you'll make at least one friend here at ALL, and I understand how painful it is to have toxic parents.

Quote:But yet in spite of this I'm intelligent, arty and I'm a really caring person. Life just seems so harsh right now as I know I have so much to give and I'm so lonely. Ive always felt like an outsider and have never really 'fitted' in but life just keeps getting harder and harder.

You're someone who I'd like to get know better. Let's get acquainted!

Quote:All I ever wanted was a family life and to enjoy life but it's just not working out for me. I'm scared I'll never meet anyone again cos ive always found it hard connecting to people as I've always been less confident than other people my age.

You've got a new "family" here at ALL. Feel the fear melt away...there's hope!

Quote:So there's my intro... Hopefully people will get where I'm at. I'm writing this in my lunchbreak at work so sorry if it doesn't read that well. Thanks

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope you'll live in the moment, take one day at a time, value yourself, and please visit here often. Stay safe, LG:-)
Hello ! I'm new on this forum so I introduce me...My name is Ben, I'm 21 years old, I'm a Belgian in USA. My hobbies : horses, kitesurf and video games...Nice to meet you.
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