A Lonely Life Forums

Full Version: I never get any further than this
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
So, hello everyone! I just found this site today and after reading for a while, I decided to register and ask for some advice myself. (English isn't my first language, so please don't kill me for stupid mistakes, if there are any Big Grin)

First of all, let me go back some years.
I've been looking for a girlfriend since I was 15 or so. My best friend at that time just found his first and it got me curious. So I tried. Being the socially awkward teenager that I was, of course, I did not do well at all.
Around 18 I startet to get worried. I had never kissed or had any real physical contact to a girl at all. And this really destroyed me back then. When I turned 19 and things didn't seem to get any better, I was desparate. Every day, I wanted nothing more than having a girlfriend or at least have a real, passionate kiss. I think, that was even the worst of all. I just wanted to know what it's like. But back then, it seemed that it would never happen.

Well, it happened when I was just about to turn 20. I went on a date with a girl I met at a bar the other night and it really seemed to work out greatly. Had a beautiful time with her and at least the problem of never having made out or having physical contact to a girl was history.
To make this part of the story short: she did not become my girlfriend. Just dated a couple of times to notice, it's not going anywhere.

So there I was, 19-year-old me, still being a virgin. I had no clue what to expect next, as the whole thing with this girl pretty much came out of the blue and without a warning, something, I had never experienced before. So I just lived my life the same way as before. And to get to the point quickly, because I think, some of you might already lose interest: I lost my virginity at 20 to a random girl I met in a club. When I woke up in her bed the next morning, I was devastated, of course, because this was not at all the way I pictured my first time. It turned out okay, i guess, as we kind of dated for four months. I really liked her, but I didn't feel anything more the whole time, so I broke up.

Having collected a whole lot of experience within that year, I thought "From now on, things will be great! All that pressure is gone and I can storm out into the dating world and nothing can stop me!".

And that's where I am now, at 23. I go to a lot of partys and gained confidence over the years just by trying things, so the not-getting-kissed-problem is really gone once and for all. There is no problem for me, getting in touch with a girl at a party, dance, touch and make out. It actually happens quite often (I'd say about once or twice every two months). With strangers in a club, friends or friends of friends at partys. But nothing ever happens afterwards! When I like the girl and I try to take things to the next level, I always fail. And I don't even know why.

I even asked some of the girls I had a thing going on with but rejected me, and they always say "It's your confidence. Women notice, how uncomfortable you really are".
Those girls should have seen me back then! THAT guy was uncomfortable. There were, compared to 3 years ago, so many nights where I made out, touched certain bodyparts, flirted and felt great about myself, but the fact that in all these girls there seemed to be none who wants to take things to the next level with me, is still quite scary. i still wish for the same first real girlfiriend I did at 16. By the way, I didn't have sex since the one I lost my virginity to. Somehow, at a certain point, even if the whole thing feels so great and I think "There is absolutely no way that this isn't leading anywhere!", it eventually does just this and I again have to wonder what went wrong.

What else can I do, when my confidence is as high as it can get but I can't seem to go further than that? I stopped making progress right after I lost my virginity and this already goes back way longer than I wish it would.
Hello and welcome. Why do you feel like things aren't going anywhere with the girls? What do you mean by you fail?

Have you considered trying to meet a girl some place other than a bar, club or party? That may be difficult, but maybe things don't really go anywhere because you're attracted to and get involved with people who don't really want things to go anywhere?

Gravity

First of all, I wouldn't beat yourself up too much about when you lost your virginity, how many times/people there have been, etc. When you do meet someone and hit it off, they'll eventually figure out this information, and for some women, having a short "list" might actually be attractive about you.

As a suggestion though, it sounds like you have no shortage of physical contact at this point. You might be falling into the pattern of "this is what I do when I meet a girl" and, while initially you were excited to make out, etc., lo and behold, you get the same result with the same strategy every time. What might happen if, the next time you meet a girl at one of these parties, you get her aside and talk for a bit instead of just making out on a random couch or wherever?

If you're looking for a relationship, try acting like you're already in one. Leave time in your schedule for dates (even if they don't happen), take care of yourself as if you have a new girlfriend to impress, and start raising your expectations for people you do have physical contact with (so, not just "we met at a party and you're hot" - which is fine, of course - but shoot more for "we spend a lot of time together and I like you, how about a date and THEN some making out?").

If women notice your confidence or lack of confidence, then they'll also notice you starting to act like you already have, or deserve, someone awesome. Maybe you'll even get one of those "I can't believe you're single!" moments. :-)