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Alright so I started recently to use a few of the free dating sites to ready myself to enter the dating world on a real trek. Never before have I actually gone out and sought a female to form a relationship with and these sites have done a fine job in preparing me for rejection I may face in a real world situation. I have sent out many a mail trying to set up dialogs, you know using various openings that are not your standard HI THERE! Sadly I havent gotten a reply from any of the women I have had an interest in but that is cool, silly ladies dont know what they missed out on! I have started to think about myself as a Howard Wolowitz(minus the overtly creepy) in that regardless of acceptance or rejection I won't give up. Sadly I have also had to accept that I am a bit of a shallow fella in that I am interested in a certain type. Not to say you need to be a model, I expect no more in the way of fitness than I expect from myself. That being said I dont find myself attracted to many overwieght women though they seem to like me quite a bit lol. This has no doubt complicated matters but never the less I trod on.

The meat of the issue here is where can I meet women in my age group?! I dont really do the bar scene and even if I did I would not expect to find anything other than a fling which I have little interest in. My years of lonliness closed me off from this chaotic world and disconnected me with finding people age appropriate for me. I was looking for some tips or ideas that may have worked for anyone in the past. I live in Iowa USA and though not in a large city it is decent sized (200-300k pop depending on who you are talking to lol) and I think that for this period in my life there must be some places around I can take advantage of to help me on my way. Thanks to any and all who take the time to read my always long winded posts!

Tony

Honestly, I agree with avoiding bars. I'm not old enough for them, and don't drink all that often anyway. One good practice I had was asking a girl out knowing to get turned down. It's not like I completely shot above my expectations, but just generally asked a few people out whom I knew very little about, just to see how approaching would work. Surprisingly, it wasn't hard at all, and I wasn't exactly disappointed at all. That way you'll become comfortable with rejection without being completely crushed. Or, you might actually get someone to go on a date with you.

Right now I have the same problem as you. I used to go to high school out of state, and formed many awesome friends there. Unfortunately, we parted our ways into colleges and respected states. Now I honestly don't know anyone in my state, and although I try to be friendly and sociable as I can be, it's hard starting from square one after 7 years of being out of state. Anyway, one thing you can do is just generally go places. Does your local university have clubs? If so, find something that you don't know much about, and think you can stand, and just go. It'll take some courage on your part, but you'll be happy once you do it. Another thing you can do is get a job (depending on your situation). It's a good way to meet people and network. You can also just stop in to a local coffee shop a couple times a week. You don't have to speak to anyone if you don't want, but just generally being around people can help you be more comfortable. Just grab a book, coffee, and hang out for a bit. Eventually, you'll start noticing some regulars, or someone might even start a conversation with you. Regardless, just find something/someplace to go and hang out once in awhile, people will start recognizing you, and you'll have something in common to talk about.
200 - 300 k...
Sadly in my 20S...I met most women at parties,
bars or night clubs. Or friends introduced me
to them. Some women dont party all the time. Some do.

Even where Im living at the younger crowd only come out at night
after 11PM and hang out in bars or night clubs...it's like a total madhouse as always.


I got luckie my ex wf asked me out...she was at her work place.
I was also in the usaf...co eds. So i met babes living at my dormatory.

I also met babes while attending college.
Maybe try taking an art or music class.

I met one of my ex at church.lol

And i dated another babe at another church..Strange I was chit chatting with her parents
I had the nerve to ask her out in front of them. lmao She was hot and single and god sent her to me.Toungue

I also used to attend course in miracle workshops...My ministor was trying to hook me up with a chick.
Thats miracle at work alright.lmao

I also met grips of women in recovery...ex drinker and partiers.
They usually chit chat with me after meetings or come sit next to me.

errr...i met one other babe at the mall...but her friend kinda hooked us up.

I also dated a babe from work...Very risky Bussiness.
She was my Sale person.LOL Conflicts of interest
Lots of bussiness deals that effected our relationship or rather the bussiness.
Trying to hide our relationship from our bosses and co workers.

Are there hot spots where you live?
Such as a park where grips of people hangout on the weekends?

You might try checking out all the local events in your city. Concerts, famers market...ect
Most big cities have fliers for events.

Sometype of club that have both men and women?

The gym?
(04-09-2012, 09:20 PM)AJR Wrote: [ -> ]Sadly I have also had to accept that I am a bit of a shallow fella in that I am interested in a certain type.

Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country - Anais Nin

(04-09-2012, 09:20 PM)AJR Wrote: [ -> ]The meat of the issue here is where can I meet women in my age group?!

What's your age group?
Well as I said I am 27 and so I would say the lowest I would go is 21 bare min and highest is say 32. I personally wouldnt say that I am any more shallow than any other person the walks this Earth and I dont think I should have to settle for some of the women who do have interest in me, heck I am not even sure how to go about letting them know I have no interest without being an ass lol.

I appreciate the few replies and Ill have to try a few of those things out, we dont have any dance clubs or anything I can think of that would put me in a comfortable situation to get to know someone, I am almost to the point of randomly giving out my number along these lines....

My name is Tony what is your name?...blah
Well I wouldnt mind taking some time to get to know you, would you like to go out sometime? Get some coffee or dinner?...blah
"No" Well that isnt a big deal I can give you my number if you change your mind and are interested in getting together!

Rusty as hell but I cant expect to ride in a rodeo if I stay in the stalls am I right?!
I'm not shallow...i only go for hot blondes with big boobs. How's that for picky?
They turn me on...other women dont

Laundry mats...I've met single babes doing luandry.

Yeah...fuck it.
I say random shit all the time to women.
Thats how most of the recovery chick would come up to me after a meeting.
They tell me random shit to start a conversation.
Thats how I used to meet women at bars or night clubs...Random shit right before closing hours.
The next you know I'm having lunch with them in a couple of days.
Like I say some women dont go bar hoping all the time...they're just like you...putting themselves
out there trying to meet guys.

There was a little tourest hot spot hangout...I say random shit to strange women now ans then.
How else am i going to meet them. Some people thinks it had to be so formal or the right circumstance before
they make a move...Will, in my experince..that's like waiting for fucken rain.

I was at a bar minding my own. Some chick was drinking with her friends all night.
Then out of the fucken blues she comes and talks to me, say she was pissed at her firends.hahahaaa
She bought a fucken drink and asked me to have a drink with her and the rest is history.
She told me a bunch of random shit.lmao She acted just like me...we clicked.


A week later I was at the same bar. Some hot babe was shooting pool with her friends and a couple of dudes.
I went outside...minding my own bussiness. That chick comes outside and tells me
"Fuck those asshole. What's your name?"...Random. Just like that. Lmao
She wasnt dating those dudes or they wernt her BF. Just hanging with her friend.
It looked like she was on a date but she wasnt.
Unless you are an 8 or better on the looks scale, you will get nowhere in online dating. Online dating sites are for the "pretty" people. The first thing people see is your picture and then make a snap judgement about you based on that. I have NEVER received any responses back from women on these dating sites because I'm a 3 or 4 at the most. The last two relationships I was in ended because one was dating me for money, and the other liked my personality but was not "physically attracted to me".

You may want to try http://www.meetup.com and check out groups in your area. I've been to a few meetups but just to get out of the house for group dinners and free movies. I'm not going to try to "hit on" a woman or try to get a date with one of the people I meet at a meetup thing because I don't want to put them in the position of having to say "no" and then see each other at other meetups. But I just have a deathly fear of trying to talk to women like that. YMMV so you should maybe try it.

I think if a woman ever came up to me and started chatting me up or asked me out I'd have a heart attack on the spot. LOL
I think I'm in the same situation. I want to go out in the "real world" and try to find relationships with women that way. I've never done that before! Once in high school, I asked a girl out, she agreed but then I chickened out. That's as far as I've come.
The only way I've managed to meet women IRL is by setting something up online. It was how I met my ex, so I know it can work. Interestingly, it was she that messaged me first. That doesn't happen very often. But it's so much work and it's wearing me out, and it can become an obsession.
So, online dating is the only thing I know sadly, I have a hard time believing it would be easier in the real world even though I live in a large city!

PS: nothing wrong with having a type you're attracted to. I'm not much into obesity either, can't do anything about that.
PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more
The thing is that I love a woman to have a few extra pounds on her. Granted I love the petites too but they would have to be trim not starved so that is usually why I have leaned towards the catagory I am in...just a few extra pounds.

Thus far my online dating is uneventfull aside from some rather obese ladies contacting me, and in an effort to continue being respectful I am happy to talk with them and perhaps become friends but the few who have contacted me seem to have relationships only in mind.

I hope everyone is getting what they need from someone and if you are not....it is your job to get off your rump and get to it! Have no fear, it took half my twenties to finally realize that you have to be really proactive or suffer in lonliness.

I appreciate all the replies and hope you are all well!
(04-10-2012, 01:04 AM)tusk Wrote: [ -> ]PPS: research has shown that men typically look more at the pictures indeed, but women tend to read the presentations more

This "research" is BS. People are visual and everyone judges by the pictures in the first seconds to make a decision if they're interested enough to bother reading the profile. I've had profiles on multiple dating sites and NEVER had an email because I'm an unattractive guy.

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