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Don't we all have faulty parents.
(02-22-2013, 11:53 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote: [ -> ]If that makes ANY sense to anyone, lol. :p

Sure does.
(02-22-2013, 11:53 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote: [ -> ]
(02-20-2013, 06:06 AM)BrokenInside Wrote: [ -> ]There are many other problems which were not part of me if my parents knew how to communicate well.

While I know firsthand how parents can mess up a child, I'd also like to mention that even though a person's parents may dump a load of emotional and/or mental baggage on their child, at some point the child has to accept that it's THEIR problem now. I think once a person realizes that THEY own that baggage now, that it's more readily dealt with. It does no good to dwell on who is to blame. Energy is better spent dealing with the issues and healing.
If that makes ANY sense to anyone, lol. :p

This is so true^^^ No time for pointing fingers, put that energy into getting better.
I'm a parent so let me tell you it's not always an easy job. My child is still young, but has emotional baggage of a different kind (she's adopted).

I can only do my best, be her friend at times, parent at others for which she will no doubt resent me, and I will make mistakes I'm sure. We covered maths, english etc at school, but not much on how to raise a family.

Actually in a way I may be a little better equipped than many having been through adoption training and attending courses on trauma and attachment.

But I will still make mistakes, we all do.
(02-22-2013, 11:53 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote: [ -> ]While I know firsthand how parents can mess up a child, I'd also like to mention that even though a person's parents may dump a load of emotional and/or mental baggage on their child, at some point the child has to accept that it's THEIR problem now. I think once a person realizes that THEY own that baggage now, that it's more readily dealt with. It does no good to dwell on who is to blame. Energy is better spent dealing with the issues and healing.
If that makes ANY sense to anyone, lol. :p

Sure, it does Smile I am already working on my weak points. Sorry if i sound ungrateful. I am lucky i have parents and they immensely love me, specially my mom and i love them too.
Sometimes i like to whine. I hope you guys can put up with that Toungue

(02-23-2013, 12:32 AM)Lilianna Wrote: [ -> ]This is so true^^^ No time for pointing fingers, put that energy into getting better.

Touche' Smile

(02-23-2013, 01:19 AM)Edward W Wrote: [ -> ]I'm a parent so let me tell you it's not always an easy job. My child is still young, but has emotional baggage of a different kind (she's adopted).

I can only do my best, be her friend at times, parent at others for which she will no doubt resent me, and I will make mistakes I'm sure. We covered maths, english etc at school, but not much on how to raise a family.

Actually in a way I may be a little better equipped than many having been through adoption training and attending courses on trauma and attachment.

But I will still make mistakes, we all do.

My bad!! You are so right.

perfanoff

(02-23-2013, 01:19 AM)Edward W Wrote: [ -> ]I'm a parent so let me tell you it's not always an easy job. My child is still young, but has emotional baggage of a different kind (she's adopted).

I can only do my best, be her friend at times, parent at others for which she will no doubt resent me, and I will make mistakes I'm sure. We covered maths, english etc at school, but not much on how to raise a family.

Actually in a way I may be a little better equipped than many having been through adoption training and attending courses on trauma and attachment.

But I will still make mistakes, we all do.

Of course, nobody asks the parents how easy it is for them to work, take care of their children AND themselves Smile
(02-23-2013, 02:50 AM)BrokenInside Wrote: [ -> ]Sure, it does Smile I am already working on my weak points. Sorry if i sound ungrateful.

Goodness, no. You don't sound ungrateful. I've just seen people get dragged under by by how their parents treated that they carry it around all their lives.
If I chose to focus on what my parents did to me, I'd sink into a corner somewhere and cry like a baby. I agree with Eve. At some point, you OWN your REALITY regardless of where you came from. I know that better than most people.
My mother is a Romani witch who would fly into mad rages over nothing, and lift me off the floor by my hair and shake me like a radoll until my hair tore out and I fell back down and could go hide. She once pulled out a chunk of hair and skin so big I couldn't hide it, and when I went to school I wore the hood of my plastic spray jacket over my head all day. My teacher told me to take my hood off but I wouldn't, so I was sent me to the Principal who caned me across the back of my hands for disobedience and then pulled my hood down. When he saw what I'd been hiding, he actually cried. He reported my mother to the Department of Education, and they sent a nurse and counsellor over to our house tha afternoon. After they left, my father pulled all of the cord out of the vacuum cleaner, looped it up, and beat me across my back and legs until I couldn't stand up anymore. Funny thing was, the caning I got across the back of my hands hurt more than anything else. I went to an experimental school. The thing I learned that day was that sometimes it's the unexpected things that hurt the most, and that any among of physical pain can be withstood. I also remember it, because it was the last time I cried. I was nine. Sorry if this post went too long. I've never told anyone that before.

perfanoff

I'm sorry lusker. Everyone carries baggage, some more than others but yours is definitely a big one.

I like that you've got the strength to face up to what has happened and share it with us. You've experienced the utter lack of limits to people's dark side and it probably has made you open your eyes to that part of the world we all love to ignore and pretend it doesn't exist.
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