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I tried to respond to a forum about on-line dating here but I kept getting an error message that wouldn't let me post. So here is my response. I joined POF and OK Cupid to increase my chances of eventually finding someone to date but it hasn't worked. Because I have a chemistry problem. The same thing that happens in life happens on line. I'm not attracted to those who are interested in me and the ones I'm attracted to are not interested in me.
By the title, I thought the first post should say

"Stop showering."
How do you think this is what makes you single?
I know that some people have that problem because the fact that someone isn't attracted to them is what makes those people attractive. If not, I suggest you take some time to think what about the women you like attracts you, and how someone with those qualities can be turned off by someone with your qualities. If you can identify this, then you can improve on that quality, and maybe those you are attracted to you will also be attracted to you.
(07-06-2013, 02:27 PM)Shipster0958 Wrote: [ -> ]By the title, I thought the first post should say

"Stop showering."

Hah, me too. Or something odd, like lick everyone you see, and tell them there's macaroni and cheese waiting for them at home. Watch the confusion on their face and then just walk away.
(07-06-2013, 03:18 PM)Im Not a Doctor Wrote: [ -> ]I know that some people have that problem because the fact that someone isn't attracted to them is what makes those people attractive. If not, I suggest you take some time to think what about the women you like attracts you, and how someone with those qualities can be turned off by someone with your qualities. If you can identify this, then you can improve on that quality, and maybe those you are attracted to you will also be attracted to you.

Attraction is innate. People have no control over who they are and are not attracted to. By the way, I'm not attracted to women, not like that. They make good friends. I am a woman and straight. I often get mistakened for male on here. I think this is the second time this happened.
(07-06-2013, 05:01 PM)Alonewith2cats Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-06-2013, 03:18 PM)Im Not a Doctor Wrote: [ -> ]I know that some people have that problem because the fact that someone isn't attracted to them is what makes those people attractive. If not, I suggest you take some time to think what about the women you like attracts you, and how someone with those qualities can be turned off by someone with your qualities. If you can identify this, then you can improve on that quality, and maybe those you are attracted to you will also be attracted to you.

Attraction is innate. People have no control over who they are and are not attracted to. By the way, I'm not attracted to women, not like that. They make good friends. I am a woman and straight. I often get mistakened for male on here. I think this is the second time this happened.

Sorry, that was inconsiderate of me. I was speaking from my own experiences so I didn't stop to think that you may not be male.

Also, what I meant isn't to try and change what people are attracted to. What I meant to say is that there might be a reason why people you are attracted to don't seem to share your feelings. I'm just trying to add a perspective, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.
(07-06-2013, 05:08 PM)Im Not a Doctor Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-06-2013, 05:01 PM)Alonewith2cats Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-06-2013, 03:18 PM)Im Not a Doctor Wrote: [ -> ]I know that some people have that problem because the fact that someone isn't attracted to them is what makes those people attractive. If not, I suggest you take some time to think what about the women you like attracts you, and how someone with those qualities can be turned off by someone with your qualities. If you can identify this, then you can improve on that quality, and maybe those you are attracted to you will also be attracted to you.

Attraction is innate. People have no control over who they are and are not attracted to. By the way, I'm not attracted to women, not like that. They make good friends. I am a woman and straight. I often get mistakened for male on here. I think this is the second time this happened.

Sorry, that was inconsiderate of me. I was speaking from my own experiences so I didn't stop to think that you may not be male.

Also, what I meant isn't to try and change what people are attracted to. What I meant to say is that there might be a reason why people you are attracted to don't seem to share your feelings. I'm just trying to add a perspective, I'm sorry if I offended you in any way.

That's ok. I know I have to tell people I'm a girl but I'm not offended. Well, let's see. On line I don't think I can accurately figure out why because profiles say little about the actual person. Maybe it's because I'm 39 and still have a tendency to be attracted to guys younger than me. Not like a cougar, just guys still in their 30s instead of 40s and certainly not 50. I know I'm supposed to like older at my age. But my body doesn't want older. That doesn't mean I'm not open to a little older but I tend to like the younger ones. It's as if internally I'm still 30 even though I'm physically 39. Age shouldn't matter in my opinion, it's a number really, but it's the only reason I can think of.
Maybe there are a few things here.

1) You're a woman, and from many infuriating experiences with your wonderful sex, you do tend to want what you can't have MORE because you can't have it. For example. You want to get into that size X dress, you want your bust to fill out the size X+1 dress more then it does. You want the cute guy who is going to treat you like an arse, The one who will make me and your other platonic male friends want to bury him alive one cold and moody January. The guy who would treat you like a princess, he's just friend material. (NB this is aimed at a woman so I can go off on my own sex's many failings too, but they're not appropriate here).

2) Maybe you have subconscious intimacy issues. The second someone you like seems to show you some interest, your brain realises this, panics and locks him into the 'friend' zone as a self defense mechanism. Maybe over-riding this and giving someone a chance may be the way forward. Of course when your self-defense mechanism screams - Possible psycho killer - he will wear your face as a hat..... then definitely listen.

Maybe it's just about patience and be willing to go diving out of the comfort zone, if only for a short while.
(07-07-2013, 12:39 AM)Evil_Genius Wrote: [ -> ]Maybe there are a few things here.

1) You're a woman, and from many infuriating experiences with your wonderful sex, you do tend to want what you can't have MORE because you can't have it. For example. You want to get into that size X dress, you want your bust to fill out the size X+1 dress more then it does. You want the cute guy who is going to treat you like an arse, The one who will make me and your other platonic male friends want to bury him alive one cold and moody January. The guy who would treat you like a princess, he's just friend material. (NB this is aimed at a woman so I can go off on my own sex's many failings too, but they're not appropriate here).

2) Maybe you have subconscious intimacy issues. The second someone you like seems to show you some interest, your brain realises this, panics and locks him into the 'friend' zone as a self defense mechanism. Maybe over-riding this and giving someone a chance may be the way forward. Of course when your self-defense mechanism screams - Possible psycho killer - he will wear your face as a hat..... then definitely listen.

Maybe it's just about patience and be willing to go diving out of the comfort zone, if only for a short while.

#1 and #2 totally not true, the "Maybe it's just about patience and be willing to go diving out of the comfort zone, if only for a short while." is probably on the mark. When it comes to the internet I can't help it, I ignore messages from the ones I'm not attracted to for the reason that I don't want the awkward situation of being on a date with a total stranger I'm not attracted to, who I might have to fend off advances and dodge a kiss. Dating strangers is scary enough without these worries. But I always attract the ones I'm not attracted to, there has to be at least a little spark of interest to date someone, even if it's only a little. I'm not a shallow person at all, if someone is a good looking asshole I won't date him. If he's not conventionally hot but has a great personality and I feel attracted to him of course I'll go for him but chemistry is so important that there is no denying you have to have it to get physically tangled up with someone. Mutual attraction is seemingly impossible to find.
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