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Speaking as someone with social anxiety, who has a camera phobia and HATES to talk on the phone, I can understand this. I would rather text or email or meet face to face.

That's just coming from a social anxiety sufferer, though. For "normal people", who don't have that condition, they probably skype and call all over the place. So I would be wary. This guy sounds like he's up to no good.
I didn't know it was rare for females to like wrestling. I think the fan base is pretty even.

But, if he doesn't like to Skype, then I'd give him a bit of time. Perhaps he needs to warm up to the idea. I've got a friend (that I've known for at least 10 years) who doesn't like to Skype either. He has an account, but doesn't like to use it. I have no idea why.
I use Skype to message words, but turn off the webcam.

And now that MSN Messenger has merged with Skype, that gives me even more reason to turn off the webcam. Just because you don't like a camera in your face does not make you untrustworthy.

But I would be wary, though. He may have some degree of anxiety, or not like cameras. But you should be careful, too.
(08-09-2013, 10:57 AM)LeaningIntoTheMuse Wrote: [ -> ]Just because you don't like a camera in your face does not make you untrustworthy.

It's not so much that this guy doesn't like being on cam or having his picture taken that is an issue. There's just something suspicious about refusing to get on cam or send a recent photo to somebody when you're talking about flying them out to meet you- especially if you also won't talk on the phone or over voice chat.
(08-09-2013, 01:23 PM)nerdygirl Wrote: [ -> ]
(08-09-2013, 10:57 AM)LeaningIntoTheMuse Wrote: [ -> ]Just because you don't like a camera in your face does not make you untrustworthy.

It's not so much that this guy doesn't like being on cam or having his picture taken that is an issue. There's just something suspicious about refusing to get on cam or send a recent photo to somebody when you're talking about flying them out to meet you- especially if you also won't talk on the phone or over voice chat.

Refusing to get on cam - like I said, I don't get anxiety over seeing someone in real life, but I hate cameras
Talking on the phone - Hate my voice, avoid the phone if I can. I always think I sound stupid.
Voice chat - It's just like talking on the phone, so I hate it.

I realize my situation is unique, and I agree that someone who doesn't suffer from an anxiety disorder and a dislike of what their body looks like and what their voice sounds like, wouldn't have this issue. But I'm just trying to make you see it from my perspective.

There is also the situation that, if I met someone who I liked enough to date, I'd force myself to do all of those things, even if it made me uncomfortable and feel like vomiting (I get so nervous on Skype that I vomit afterwards.) More information than you need to know, but again, just coming at it from my perspective.
I have an anxiety disorder, and I think it's unreasonable to refuse someone physical evidence that you are who you say you are when you're talking about a long-distance relationship or meeting offline.
(08-09-2013, 09:40 AM)LeaningIntoTheMuse Wrote: [ -> ]Speaking as someone with social anxiety, who has a camera phobia and HATES to talk on the phone, I can understand this. I would rather text or email or meet face to face.

(08-09-2013, 01:26 PM)LeaningIntoTheMuse Wrote: [ -> ]Refusing to get on cam - like I said, I don't get anxiety over seeing someone in real life, but I hate cameras
Talking on the phone - Hate my voice, avoid the phone if I can. I always think I sound stupid.
Voice chat - It's just like talking on the phone, so I hate it.

I realize my situation is unique, and I agree that someone who doesn't suffer from an anxiety disorder and a dislike of what their body looks like and what their voice sounds like, wouldn't have this issue. But I'm just trying to make you see it from my perspective.

There is also the situation that, if I met someone who I liked enough to date, I'd force myself to do all of those things, even if it made me uncomfortable and feel like vomiting (I get so nervous on Skype that I vomit afterwards.) More information than you need to know, but again, just coming at it from my perspective.

^ I'm like this too. I'm extremely anxious around cameras, for a lot of reasons (some too personal to discuss here). Another part of it, for me, is that I'm not at all photogenic, and people often tell me out of the blue that I don't look myself in pictures, that I look different (usually worse, sometimes better, sometimes "weirder"); so I feel like pictures misrepresent me. That makes me even more anxious about it, like I'd be giving someone the wrong impression. (In example, I once sent pictures of myself to someone I met online before he came to visit, and the look of disappointment on his face when he first saw me in person completely crushed me.) I'd actually much rather fly to meet someone in person than send them a picture. Talking on the phone is very stressful for me as well, though I can more readily force myself to do it.

It's always possible that this guy is dangerous, but it could be that he is extremely self-conscious. How you feel about dealing with someone with that level of anxiety is up to you. His fear is his own problem to handle, you're not required to find it acceptable, but if you can't then you should move on.

In any case, for safety reasons, he should be the one to come to you, not you to him.
(08-09-2013, 01:23 PM)nerdygirl Wrote: [ -> ]It's not so much that this guy doesn't like being on cam or having his picture taken that is an issue. There's just something suspicious about refusing to get on cam or send a recent photo to somebody when you're talking about flying them out to meet you- especially if you also won't talk on the phone or over voice chat.

I understand what you mean. Almost like, what's the big deal if you're going to meet anyway, right? They're going to see you and talk to you anyway, if the meeting really follows through.
Quote:^ I'm like this too. I'm extremely anxious around cameras, for a lot of reasons (some too personal to discuss here). Another part of it, for me, is that I'm not at all photogenic, and people often tell me out of the blue that I look different in pictures than in real life (usually worse, sometimes better, sometimes "weirder"), that I don't look myself; so I feel like pictures misrepresent me. That makes me even more anxious about it, like I'd be giving someone the wrong impression. (In example, I once sent pictures of myself to someone I met online before he came to visit, and the look of disappointment on his face when he first saw me completely crushed me.) I'd actually much rather fly to meet someone in person than send them a picture. Talking on the phone is very stressful for me as well, though I can more readily force myself to do it.

Oh god, you are speaking my language.

I can either be incredibly photogenic, or look like a complete mess. This is not based on my health, how much sleep I got, or even what time of day it is. I can go from looking like a very handsome dude, to someone who nobody wants to be seen with, based on what camera is taking the pictures. Strangely enough, whoever I take the bad picture with, he or she always looks wonderful, where I look like a cocaine addict.

I am very particular about what goes on my Facebook. I tend to prefer selfies over photos that someone else takes; the reason for this is that I can control what people see. If I look really bad in one photo, I can delete it and start over from scratch. I can't do this in Skype, because what the camera catches...every bad look, every terrible gesture...is transmitted there, and I can't "delete" it before they see it.

I also have a neutral face that looks kind of angry or depressed, which a lot of people have commented on when seeing me in real life, and what I'm really self conscious about. But if I go around grinning, I look like a serial killer.

Sigh.

Quote:It's always possible that this guy is dangerous, but it could be that he is extremely self-conscious. How you feel about dealing with someone with that level of anxiety is up to you. His fear is his own problem, you're not required to find it acceptable, but if you can't then you should move on.

In any case, for safety reasons, he should be the one to come to you, not you to him.

I agree with this as well. Although you should definitely look into a possible criminal record, and google search results. Also, instead of talking to US...just ask HIM. If he is self conscious, it's probably eating away at him, and the problem is only going to get worse...because you'll internalize it as him being not interested, and he'll get even more hurt and feel even more misunderstood.

And, of course, if your instinct says to run when you confront him...do it. Don't walk, run. It could be either one, so you need to take both options into consideration.

Quote:I understand what you mean. Almost like, what's the big deal if you're going to meet anyway, right? They're going to see you and talk to you anyway, if the meeting really follows through.

A face to face meeting doesn't rely on lighting, or computer generated effects. The network can also make you look like a complete nightmare. Which is why someone who has a bad picture can be absolutely stunning in person. And which is also why photoshop can make average looking people look like models. It's a trick.
One of you mention background check. When we first started emailing each other I asked if he was really 27. So he send me proof, which of his I.d., but from his hometown Chicago (where he's from).
It show his full name and address.

He also mention because I never dated, had a boyfriend etc... he was more concerned for me. Because it would be a big step.

I will keep you all inform.
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