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Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
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I've been doing great for the last few weeks.

Met a few new interesting people, some of them just became another number on my Facebook friends list and with others I found a nice connection and communicate from time to time.

I went to LA, went out over there with my friends, met hot guys and was adored by many. I felt happy for a little while, I almost forgot what it feels like.

Came back home, had great heart to heart conversation with my boss. Feels like he is especially trying to take care of me.

I made some new more or less realistic goals for the very near future.
I am moving into a new apartment with my friend - roommate (yay! at least I will be forced to not be alone all the time anymore). And after all the obstacles it seems like I was finally able to organize my moving process.

But a few days ago everything went downhill..... I feel so freaking depressed and unhappy, that I want to cry, scream and jump out the window (too bad I live on the first floor). These are my last nights alone in my old apartment, but I am freaking out again in the panic attacks from fear of being alone at night. I was binging like crazy, I regained all the lost lbs and gained the new ones.
I had an accident with my ear, had to go to the ER. I am not sure my hearing is 100% recovered.
I just hate myself from not being more organized and procrastinating on many things. And when I think about everything I need to do, I feel like to break down in tears, because it is just too much....
My birthday is coming up and my plans won't happen and I don't have any new ones instead. If I spend another birthday working, I'll just look like a complete looser to everybody and will become an outsider again.

I understand most of it is from PMS. It is unbelievable how drinking coffee and alcohol can escalate the freaking symptoms of PMS by multiple times!
And now it seems like my period will start on Friday, which is one of the worst days for that.

I need a little bit of strength and patience to pass through the next month and a thought of it make me feel like wasting precious time. Why can't I just be happy and enjoy life?!?!...whichever one I have.
My sister and mom are going to my hometown this weekend - It really hurts. I could go with, but that'd hurt more.
Hoping to find a guy who doesn't mind becoming friends first and getting to know each other, but thinking that that is nearly impossible in this day and age.

Cavey

(10-09-2014, 10:09 AM)Peaches Wrote: [ -> ]Hoping to find a guy who doesn't mind becoming friends first and getting to know each other, but thinking that that is nearly impossible in this day and age.

They still exist, Peaches, but they're probably harder to find because they're not desperately trying to woo you into bed.
The last time I remember feeling truly happy, without a care in the word...summer of 1976 :/
a year ago this day I was upset because of what a woman did to me.
It's isn't going to happen again.
I should face the facts: I can't help anybody cause I can't even help myself. I can't talk to anyone cause I've got nothing to say. And nothing is going to change cause that's just who I am. You can't turn somebody's inherent personality inside-out. I'm not a nice person and I should be glad that less and less people are falling for my attempts to cover up my lack of sociability and empathy with politeness and eloquence.

Why am I even talking? Venting or trying to connect with people just feels like desperate attention whoring in my case. I know I'm not gonna make new friends anymore. If they don't get sick of me, I get sick of them sooner or later.

At this point a lobotomy is the only cure. But since that's out of question, I should just get back to binge-watching Twin Peaks or something...
Feeling a bit down, and guilty, because I gave away the kitten. They were a nice enough couple - I guess it just felt a little rushed. And I was getting tired of taking care of her.
I'm tired.. and I have no desire whatsoever to try anymore.. there is no hope so I'm not hoping for anything.. I think that it's not like it really mattered or not anyway.. I remember the things people tell me and the actions that don't really follow.. I wish people could just be honest and upfront with me.. I'm so tired
(10-12-2014, 01:46 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]I'm tired.. and I have no desire whatsoever to try anymore.. there is no hope so I'm not hoping for anything.. I think that it's not like it really mattered or not anyway.. I remember the things people tell me and the actions that don't really follow.. I wish people could just be honest and upfront with me.. I'm so tired

Me too Sad I feel this way all the time now. I wish that I knew it was going to be better somehow and that all I had to do was wait.

I'm just saying I think I know how you feel.

(hugs)
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