A Lonely Life Forums

Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
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Dammit. Once again...too little, too late. I'll have to call it a day then.
Feeling down, wanting to end it with the asshole.
Will I ever be good enough..
(10-23-2014, 09:19 AM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]Will I ever be good enough..

^^ Ditto.

However, I think you're wonderful. Smile
I feel fear that I will become obese, I just can't seem to be able to eat less, and the weight is raising, and my body is falling apart, stretch marks, bad circulation, no clothes to wear, even hands feel swollen and I look awful. When will it stop? Remembering how hard it was at age 16 to lose those ten extra kilos.

(10-22-2014, 05:08 PM)Lilith Wrote: [ -> ]Feeling down, wanting to end it with the asshole.

I don't know your story but I will quote a wise man:

[Image: 4b5fa4e036916d4cdea03640f1f02dae.jpg]
(10-23-2014, 09:23 AM)EveWasFramed Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-23-2014, 09:19 AM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]Will I ever be good enough..

^^ Ditto.

However, I think you're wonderful. Smile

Thanks Evey, you are too.
I'm so pleased & relieved that 'operation piano' went off without a hitch earlier.

I am now the very proud owner of a Monington & Weston upright(circa 1931-1940 if I read/looked up her serial number correctly).

She's got some wear & tear on her(to be expected-just gives her extra character), but she's still a real beaut. I may take some pix of her tomorrow/weekend.

Need to get her tuned, oh & learn to play her haha tonight I had my first wee tutorial about key finding(I am an absolute beginner on this!).

Smile
hoping to help...be a friend...be a sound board....a listener...a shoulder...to anyone who is in need...Smile
I feel like I don't matter to anyone around me.

I got a roommate with the hope, that I will have an alive soul in my home, that when I come home from work, someone will ask me "how was your day".

So far, this girl, that is my friend for over a year, could care less about me or anything I have to say.

She is absolutely not interested when I start saying something about me, my day or anything that is not about her.

She doesn't ask questions, she doesn't text me, doesn't call me if I am not home.

What is wrong with me, why I can't make friends?!

(10-16-2014, 09:12 AM)Solivagant Wrote: [ -> ]"I am -->| this |<-- close to dying tonight...

No one would know. Someone once said the worst thing to happen is to be living in a world of 7 billion people, and have not a single one who wants anything to do with you. That's where I am. I don't have family. I don't have a friend. They don't get me, they don't want me. No one would know, until it was time to collect a bill on my room 6 months from now. Unless the smell of me tipped them off first. I would lie dead for days. Weeks. Months, even. And no one would know. Or care. I'd be another obituary in the daily newspaper, skimmed and dismissed callously over morning coffee.

Coffee. I like it sometimes. Think of it, I tell myself, all the tastes, sights, sounds, that you'll miss if you do this. Only it's not true. There's nothing on this earth that I love enough to stop myself from leaving it. I'm still young, and yet I feel older than an age. Every movement, every thought, is an effort. Something I've done over and over again 1,000 times, and still an effort. Everything is pain. There is a deep sorrow in me, an empty void that's only ever filled with pain. It surrounds my heart and tears it apart, so that it hurts it to thump inside me. I don't want this anymore. Not any of it. I want to be finished. I can't stand this loneliness any longer. I heard once, that "All people are alone in some ways, but some people are alone in all ways." The latter is me.

I am alone. My soul desperately needs. Something to hold onto. Someone. Anyone who can show me why life is worth this. There is still life where there is hope. My hope is dried up. I have no reason to endure this pain I feel in every crack and chasm of my self. I want to leave my broken heart behind. I want to leave.

But I suppose it's not really leaving, if I have nothing to walk away from. It's just the next step into another kind of homelessness. A new plane to wander. Another side to life. Death.

I never thought of myself as a wanderer, but I am. I am a wanderer, like others before me. We share the same plight, the same loss, and yet we never find each other. Because we are all following different paths to the same destination. We wander alone. And death is for us."

I can so relate. You could have not say better how I feel now. If I don't matter, I don't want to be here. If anybody just told me how to change that, I would do anything it takes, to turn this around. I know there is happiness somewhere, but this loneliness blinded me, I can't see pass that, it's eating me alive.

johnny196775Again

i feel uneasy every time i hear an airplane fly by when i am at home.
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