A Lonely Life Forums

Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633
(12-25-2014, 04:52 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]I would totally join that activity, Cavey. Let's make it a Christmas activity. *rubs hands together*

LOL...well, I didn't kill anyone.
I did cook for HOURS though and the kitchen BETTER be cleaned up when I go down tomorrow. That was the deal - I cook, they clean.


--------

Hoping...that 2015 will be a better year. I'm already taking steps to help that hope along a little. We'll see...
(12-23-2014, 01:42 AM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-22-2014, 03:39 AM)InSearchOfPeople Wrote: [ -> ]I can't even get a sympathetic response here...Sad((
(12-21-2014, 06:28 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]^ Sad *hugs* InSearchOfPeople. I hope you'll feel better soon.

That was one response... I didn't have the emotional energy to respond any more than that but I try to give support even as little as it may be. I hope it can help some. :\

And I wonder, what can you do to improve your situation? Just one thing at a time. If moving could be a possibility in making things better, perhaps you could work towards that?


Thank you....I didn't know your *hugs* were for me. I am so used to be invisible and rejected, that even when someone calls me by my name, I get surprised or automatically assume they called someone else with the same name.

There are so many things on my mind, that I think could improve my situation. But lack of time, sleep, focus and uncertainty get me an anxiety, because I don't know what I should do first and what's going to be more efficient. I feel like gambling with my life everyday.


I went to a spiritualist, not a physic, but something similar. More like a therapy. She told me "loneliness and brokenness are all over me", she could see it from the first minute, that I am so lonely, and broken, and she said it will grow on me and I won't succeed in a anything, because of the void inside of me. SadSadSad And that's why I can't build any relationships at all, no matter what I do.

She gave me 2 suggestions.

First is to get a cat. She said, if I have something loving, that will be waiting for me when I get home everyday, it will help to repair my broken heart, my energy will change and it will help me with people too.

By the way I thought about it myself a year ago. My mom talked me out of it, because she was afraid, then I won't come to see her in my home country.

Secondly, she said I should change my job to the one, where I feel more secure. Because with the one I have now, it's like expecting an earthquake every day, like any minute the ground will go away from under my feet.

So now I am thinking to get a cat. I think I want toyger, and it will take a while for me to get that cat, but just a thought of having it already makes me happy.

Today though, on Christmas, I went to see my friends. It was ok. I came home, called another friend who is going to Miami for new years and as much as I tried to get in, I was NOT invited....Now I am feeling down again, will take a nap, call my mom and will try to continue this life....all by myself.
^ this spiritualist, or whatever she is, sounds like she has good ideas..

jd7

To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your fuckin pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your fuckin ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...
(12-26-2014, 05:11 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your fuckin pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your fuckin ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

(12-26-2014, 11:24 AM)InSearchOfPeople Wrote: [ -> ]I went to a spiritualist, not a physic, but something similar. More like a therapy. She told me "loneliness and brokenness are all over me", she could see it from the first minute, that I am so lonely, and broken, and she said it will grow on me and I won't succeed in a anything, because of the void inside of me. SadSadSad And that's why I can't build any relationships at all, no matter what I do.

She gave me 2 suggestions.

First is to get a cat. She said, if I have something loving, that will be waiting for me when I get home everyday, it will help to repair my broken heart, my energy will change and it will help me with people too.

By the way I thought about it myself a year ago. My mom talked me out of it, because she was afraid, then I won't come to see her in my home country.

Secondly, she said I should change my job to the one, where I feel more secure. Because with the one I have now, it's like expecting an earthquake every day, like any minute the ground will go away from under my feet.

So now I am thinking to get a cat. I think I want toyger, and it will take a while for me to get that cat, but just a thought of having it already makes me happy.

Today though, on Christmas, I went to see my friends. It was ok. I came home, called another friend who is going to Miami for new years and as much as I tried to get in, I was NOT invited....Now I am feeling down again, will take a nap, call my mom and will try to continue this life....all by myself.

I think those suggestions are pretty cool. I would get myself a cat, if I could.

What about your job though? Any changes you'll be making with this spiritualist's suggestion?

I'm sorry you were feeling upset again because of the friend who didn't invite you. Fuck them. If they don't wanna invite you, then so be it. You make your own life and make your own friends who will appreciate you and consider you in their plans, ISOP. Hope you'll feel better soon. *hugs*
(12-27-2014, 04:46 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]I think those suggestions are pretty cool. I would get myself a cat, if I could.

What about your job though? Any changes you'll be making with this spiritualist's suggestion?

I'm sorry you were feeling upset again because of the friend who didn't invite you. Fuck them. If they don't wanna invite you, then so be it. You make your own life and make your own friends who will appreciate you and consider you in their plans, ISOP. Hope you'll feel better soon. *hugs*


Thank you for your support...

I don't know what to do about my job.

It has great advantages. I make big money for a small job like I have, the schedule is flexible to the point where I make my own schedule every week, I can take vacation any time of the year, or few days off any time I want.
During the working hours I can be on the phone or shopping if slow or whatever else I want to do.

And then it has tons of disadvantages too. No one takes me serious when they learn where I work. I was called a "begger" or a "hustler" couple times. My boss gets on my nerves when he is in a bad mood or he wants to give me bad shifts without any reason. I work with bunch of other girls, who gossip and hate and are jealous, and make intrigues and traps for me and each other. And then this job can end any day. I don't know if my boss comes today and then walks out and leave me a voicemail, that I no longer work for him, like he did with some other girls. There are no benefits or paid vacation.
And i have to deal with rejection so much every day like other people don't deal with in their lifetime, because I work in sales.

At the end of the day, I hate people, I hate myself for hating others, I feel down depressed, rejected, like a bucket of shit was just poured out on me, but I walk out with a lot of money that give me an ability to afford many things that I thought I would never be able to afford and it gives me an opportunity to finally take care of my mom, who lived all her life in poverty.

It's almost like I am selling my soul...

I remember 3 years ago, I literally had to count change to make sure I had just enough to ride a bus to my job every day, where I was getting paid pennies. My spending budget was 3$ a day besides the bus ride.
I was getting 1 mcchicken at McDonald's before work and one after.
I had so much peace, was content and slept like a baby back then.

Today I don't look at prices at the most regular stores, I wake up with regrets that I am alive, go to bed with anxiety and sleeping pills and can't sleep for the most of the night.

I know sometimes we have to sacrifice something. And may be it's money that I need to sacrifice for now to gain back the peace of mind, but I am just so used to spending and buying nice things, that I don't know if changing a job to a less paid one is an answer for me.
That's understandable, ISOP. It's difficult to have a change in lifestyle suddenly, the culture shock might prove to be more detrimental to you than you imagined, making you feel even more overwhelmed and stressed out, making your depression worse. As they always say, follow what your gut tells you or do what you feel comfortable with doing or what you can cope with.

Funny how things are the opposite like that as you described.

Just out of curiosity, what do you work as?

jd7

(12-27-2014, 04:46 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-26-2014, 05:11 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your fuckin pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your fuckin ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...
(12-27-2014, 07:24 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-27-2014, 04:46 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-26-2014, 05:11 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your fuckin pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your fuckin ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...

Was the girl okay, though?

jd7

(12-27-2014, 07:28 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-27-2014, 07:24 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-27-2014, 04:46 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(12-26-2014, 05:11 PM)jd7 Wrote: [ -> ]To the dude that through his girlfriend out in her pajamas on the sidewalk and then tore down after her on the lawn with his monster truck outside my apartment yesterday: Dude, you're not bad. You're a little bitch. Pull your fuckin pants up. If I could figure out of a way to stomp your fuckin ass into the ground without going to jail, I would...

Seriously? Damn.. that's not very nice of him.

Kids nowadays... Years back, I'da grabbed my Louisville Slugger B-52 Bomber and went to town...

Was the girl okay, though?

Yah...she was fine. I walked out the front door to see this happening. He didn't physically "throw" her out. Once he saw me, he pulled the truck back onto the street. I'm guessing they were about 19 - young kids. But what got to me was he was revving the truck and going back-and-forth in reverse in an attempt to be intimidating. Nothing good comes from someone hellbent on intimidating another person. Maybe I'll knock and tell her parents that their daughter is dating an abusive psychopath and just doesn't know it yet.
Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360 361 362 363 364 365 366 367 368 369 370 371 372 373 374 375 376 377 378 379 380 381 382 383 384 385 386 387 388 389 390 391 392 393 394 395 396 397 398 399 400 401 402 403 404 405 406 407 408 409 410 411 412 413 414 415 416 417 418 419 420 421 422 423 424 425 426 427 428 429 430 431 432 433 434 435 436 437 438 439 440 441 442 443 444 445 446 447 448 449 450 451 452 453 454 455 456 457 458 459 460 461 462 463 464 465 466 467 468 469 470 471 472 473 474 475 476 477 478 479 480 481 482 483 484 485 486 487 488 489 490 491 492 493 494 495 496 497 498 499 500 501 502 503 504 505 506 507 508 509 510 511 512 513 514 515 516 517 518 519 520 521 522 523 524 525 526 527 528 529 530 531 532 533 534 535 536 537 538 539 540 541 542 543 544 545 546 547 548 549 550 551 552 553 554 555 556 557 558 559 560 561 562 563 564 565 566 567 568 569 570 571 572 573 574 575 576 577 578 579 580 581 582 583 584 585 586 587 588 589 590 591 592 593 594 595 596 597 598 599 600 601 602 603 604 605 606 607 608 609 610 611 612 613 614 615 616 617 618 619 620 621 622 623 624 625 626 627 628 629 630 631 632 633