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Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
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HoodedMonk

"So what did you do today?" <= mom

I fucking goddamned hate this question. Stop asking me this. What it really means is 'You did nothing today." When in reality I did shit.

So shut up. Just fucking shut the fuck up.
(06-13-2015, 04:08 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]So my ex-boss just texted me to let me know she was working on a new centre for the company. That she'd be leaving the one we were both working at together when I was still around and someone else will take over her. She's been assigned this new centre to take on and I can only imagine the many great things she'd do with it and the culture she sets there. I would so love to be by her side doing that, it would be awesome. She said I should check out the new centre when it's ready, and perhaps join her if that's possible by the time I'm done with my treatment.

It somewhat gave me a glimmer of hope. It's nice to be remembered by people I never thought I'd have anything in common with. In fact, we really don't have anything in common besides the fact that we laugh at the stupidest things and that our laughs are contagious to one another. I've never met a superior as cool as her, it would be awesome to work with her again, especially at a new centre. I know she'd be one hell of a mentor to me and I know I would learn a great deal by helping her start up a new one.

Nice, eh?

Unfortunately, that's not gonna happen. I'm still stuck in treatment when the new centre is bound to open. Won't finish anytime soon after it opens either so, right now, I can dream on.

Just another reminder of what I'm missing out on. Another stab in the pit of my stomach to slash away those butterflies that seems to have emerged out of pure excitement. Sigh.

That is fantastic that she thought of you and obviously regards you very highly. Hold on to it!

So sorry you won't be finished with your treatment for it opening or there after. But you never know what is round the corner, she might have something when you are ready.

You can't put a price on a great boss can you?
(06-14-2015, 04:04 PM)She-ra Wrote: [ -> ]That is fantastic that she thought of you and obviously regards you very highly. Hold on to it!

So sorry you won't be finished with your treatment for it opening or there after. But you never know what is round the corner, she might have something when you are ready.

You can't put a price on a great boss can you?

Thanks, She-ra. I suppose. Even the big boss told me that I should look for them again after my treatment is done. It's really hard to find a workplace with such nice support. It's amazing. Especially after I've suffered enough with my previous job's colleagues, superiors and management. This is a total turnaround for me, too bad I have this going right now.

Indeed, can't put a price on a great boss and cool colleagues. Sigh..
I have really been missing her a lot lately. Maybe because late spring, early summer reminds me of her. We had the most all-night talks then. Maybe it's because the fireflies have started to come out. I told her about my memories from when I was a kid and how I loved the fireflies, and she told me how she enjoyed me talking so much, she said. She'd never seen one before. We'd stay up talking and I'd get tired and I'd tell her I was sleepy because she was in the next timezone and it was an hour earlier for her and she'd ask me to stay up with her, she used to tell me how she'd hope I still thought she was awesome tomorrow. She used to think that it was her who wasn't "cool", and that I could be the one to show her things. She used to make me feel like I was the only one in the world.

I wish she'd never met that fucking piece-of-shit guy and his stupid cliche bad-boy bullshit. I don't get it. He has NONE of the things that women supposedly value, and ALL of the things they supposedly despise. He has done such scummy, moronic, mentally unstable things that most people manage to never do in their lives, because those things are fucked. I've never had more disgust and contempt for any other human, even my childhood bullies. In fact, I was finally able to stop hating them because I hate him so much more.

I wish we could go back to how it was, staying up, talking about anything and everything, her telling me sweet things. If I only I knew how to play my cards. If only I hadn't grown up un-confident. If only I hadn't let my past stories screw up my future.

I wish I could talk to her. I wish we could go back to talking and laughing and sharing the things that we thought were special. But I just haven't been able to talk to her without being angry, so I stopped talking to her completely. She tried to email me twice earlier in the year, but I didn't answer. Maybe more, I don't know. I haven't opened that email account in months and I don't know when I'll be able to look at it again. I'm waiting until I can look at what might be inside there without feeling such anger or sadness that it makes me feel like staying in bed for days.

Damn it, MJ. Why did you have to be this way? Why couldn't I be good enough? Why couldn't there be some way we could work things out?
(06-14-2015, 05:40 PM)TheSkaFish Wrote: [ -> ]I have really been missing her a lot lately. Maybe because late spring, early summer reminds me of her. We had the most all-night talks then. Maybe it's because the fireflies have started to come out. I told her about my memories from when I was a kid and how I loved the fireflies, and she told me how she enjoyed me talking so much, she said. She'd never seen one before. We'd stay up talking and I'd get tired and I'd tell her I was sleepy because she was in the next timezone and it was an hour earlier for her and she'd ask me to stay up with her, she used to tell me how she'd hope I still thought she was awesome tomorrow. She used to think that it was her who wasn't "cool", and that I could be the one to show her things. She used to make me feel like I was the only one in the world.

I wish she'd never met that fucking piece-of-shit guy and his stupid cliche bad-boy bullshit. I don't get it. He has NONE of the things that women supposedly value, and ALL of the things they supposedly despise. He has done such scummy, moronic, mentally unstable things that most people manage to never do in their lives, because those things are fucked. I've never had more disgust and contempt for any other human, even my childhood bullies. In fact, I was finally able to stop hating them because I hate him so much more.

I wish we could go back to how it was, staying up, talking about anything and everything, her telling me sweet things. If I only I knew how to play my cards. If only I hadn't grown up un-confident. If only I hadn't let my past stories screw up my future.

I wish I could talk to her. I wish we could go back to talking and laughing and sharing the things that we thought were special. But I just haven't been able to talk to her without being angry, so I stopped talking to her completely. She tried to email me twice earlier in the year, but I didn't answer. Maybe more, I don't know. I haven't opened that email account in months and I don't know when I'll be able to look at it again. I'm waiting until I can look at what might be inside there without feeling such anger or sadness that it makes me feel like staying in bed for days.

Damn it, MJ. Why did you have to be this way? Why couldn't I be good enough? Why couldn't there be some way we could work things out?

Sometimes things don't work out even when you give your best and you're perfect 10 too. Life is full of trials and failure that I know. I know that feeling of disgust and hatred when someone "lesser" ( not meaning to offend anyone, personal view) takes up your place. But there is nothing one can do except to move ahead. You gave your best, gave your everything but not every race we can win.

People change overtime and so do their preference and view of life and hence the choices too. Maybe you weren't meant to be together, maybe she wasn't best for you or you weren't best for her, we will never know it, those things will always remain mystery. Treasure the moment you had with her and move ahead Or you can try reconnecting again but It will be little harder this time but It's your call ultimately.

Heart break is something that can't be put back by even by strongest adhesive, only time will curb it but it will never die.
I remember my Mom always asking me, "What's on your agenda for today?" It annoyed me at the beginning. It sounded like a stupid way to ask that question, but as time went on, I waited for her to say it. Now that she's gone, I wish I could go back in time and have one more day with her, and hear that question once more. I just miss my Mom!

Cavey

(06-14-2015, 05:25 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-14-2015, 04:04 PM)She-ra Wrote: [ -> ]That is fantastic that she thought of you and obviously regards you very highly. Hold on to it!

So sorry you won't be finished with your treatment for it opening or there after. But you never know what is round the corner, she might have something when you are ready.

You can't put a price on a great boss can you?

Thanks, She-ra. I suppose. Even the big boss told me that I should look for them again after my treatment is done. It's really hard to find a workplace with such nice support. It's amazing. Especially after I've suffered enough with my previous job's colleagues, superiors and management. This is a total turnaround for me, too bad I have this going right now.

Indeed, can't put a price on a great boss and cool colleagues. Sigh..

Come on, LF! You'll get back there eventually and when you do you will appreciate it all the more knowing what you've had to go through to get there. I've lost track of the amount of times you've put a positive spin on my trials and tribulations - and I am thankful that you did - so try and have the same outlook when it comes to your own problems.

You will get there. I have every faith in you...

(06-14-2015, 11:30 AM)HoodedMonk Wrote: [ -> ]"So what did you do today?" <= mom

I fucking goddamned hate this question. Stop asking me this. What it really means is 'You did nothing today." When in reality I did shit.

So shut up. Just fucking shut the fuck up.

My mother used to be the same way. She would present her negative opinions in the form of seemingly innocuous questions, but I knew what she meant all the same. I know how annoying it can be, but the best thing to do is to just keep your cool and let it just wash over you...

...you can always come here for a bit of screaming and venting if needed Wink
(06-15-2015, 12:30 AM)Cavey Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-14-2015, 05:25 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]
(06-14-2015, 04:04 PM)She-ra Wrote: [ -> ]That is fantastic that she thought of you and obviously regards you very highly. Hold on to it!

So sorry you won't be finished with your treatment for it opening or there after. But you never know what is round the corner, she might have something when you are ready.

You can't put a price on a great boss can you?

Thanks, She-ra. I suppose. Even the big boss told me that I should look for them again after my treatment is done. It's really hard to find a workplace with such nice support. It's amazing. Especially after I've suffered enough with my previous job's colleagues, superiors and management. This is a total turnaround for me, too bad I have this going right now.

Indeed, can't put a price on a great boss and cool colleagues. Sigh..

Come on, LF! You'll get back there eventually and when you do you will appreciate it all the more knowing what you've had to go through to get there. I've lost track of the amount of times you've put a positive spin on my trials and tribulations - and I am thankful that you did - so try and have the same outlook when it comes to your own problems.

You will get there. I have every faith in you...

Aww, thanks Cavey. I do hope things go just as I would hope for. It's always harder for us to practice what we preach, I do try though. Thanks for having faith in me. (:
I hope tomorrow goes well. It will be nice to go, lets just hope he gets the thumbs up.

Cavey

(06-15-2015, 06:04 AM)She-ra Wrote: [ -> ]I hope tomorrow goes well. It will be nice to go, lets just hope he gets the thumbs up.

Good luck with whatever it is, She-ra. I shall be keeping my fingers crossed!
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