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Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
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Feeling crummy that I have not responded to all my messages and emails yet. Some I have let go for a week now. Due to some special circumstances this past week, I was feeling rushed most days so I don't feel like I'm in a good state of mind to talk when I am under pressure. Then also there are some days where I feel like I'm a bundle of nerves and that I need to just keep to myself until the feeling passes.

Anyway. I'm trying to meditate and unwind today, to get to the root of things. Hopefully everyone who emailed or messaged me will still be up for a chat Smile
Perhaps part of the problem is that I've become a little afraid to feel strongly, although I feel more freely. I don't get as emotionally invested in my writing or my friendships. At this point I expect to be hurt by people, by caring about people, or by trusting people, and it affects the free flow of ideas somehow. A blockage in the way I connect to the world around me.

Spent a couple hours running dungeons in FFXIV with a good friend last night, and it was hard to really relax the way we used to. I expect my mistakes to damn me and to be replaced by others, but they never have in this case. It's a slow process of returning to the way things used to be, so I'm just glad I have someone patient who lets me work at my pace. It's not something I feel I can ever repay.
Feeling itchy. Apparently mosquitoes feasted on my heel. My heel?!?!?! Seriously, what the flip.

lonelyfairy

Feeling: Hopeless and depressed
Hoping: Love
Thinking: Life just can't be like this, there must be more in it...
Remembering: All the illnesses
Ronny at the treatment center deemed me an "old timer" even though I've only been around there for several months whereas they've been there for years. He said that the amount of time I spent there is almost just as much as they did in their number of years there. Well, of course, they only have to come like once a week or once in two weeks. I'd know which day to expect which one of them too, now, it's amazing.

Several of them talked to me today. It's always them who initiate the small chats. My best one today was with George. Yes, the elderly kind man. I felt terribly for him too cos his arm was bleeding through the bandage and he was so sweet about it with the nurse who saw it and wanted to help him change it. It made me want to just squeeze his shoulders and give him a hug. Such a kind-hearted person, you can see it entirely on his face and especially his eyes just how kind he is. Today he came with a walking stick though, usually he doesn't. I hope he's okay. He was so polite and thoughtful to me as well, and very soft spoken too. Seeing George around always makes me smile.

(07-21-2015, 02:18 PM)TheSkaFish Wrote: [ -> ]Feeling itchy. Apparently mosquitoes feasted on my heel. My heel?!?!?! Seriously, what the flip.

Me too!
Remembering my teenage years, actually, now that I think about it, I was just as messed up. Hmmm, i've been here, still hanging on though.

Thinking about these two particular human beings, I know more than they think I do. I'm glad i'm the one who knows, and not the others, because I handle awkward situations and heartbreak so well.
Although, on some days like today I wish I didn't know anything, it gets too much at times. Sad

I'm hoping I, he, them, we all find our contentment and joy soon, or atleast the strength to endure.
I'm 22 and I'll be moving into my first apartment. In a new city. I'll be signing the contract tomorrow but I feel like maybe I should not do it. I have always live at home and the only company I have is my parents till now.
I know I'll be miserably lonely in my new place but I just feel like I have to do it. I don't want to be stuck living with my parents for the rest of my life you know.
I hope everything turns alright.
Feeling ignored with a group of people who say they never do it.
Maybe fish fingers are just not my speciality.
"'Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind — or forgotten." Except if they miss their taxi, Lilo.
But I'm very thankful my parents have always treated us equally and with fairness, included us in every decision they took no matter how young we were, and considered our opinions with respect and given them importance. Good lesson to learn. I still wish we could have sat in on the meeting yesterday, but the process has just barely begin. Next time, we'll get a cab early.
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