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Full Version: What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?
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I'm listening to next door gossiping in her back garden with her friend and wondering if she knows how lucky she is. I wonder if she realises how quickly all those little things can disappear. I'm also wondering when she's going to shut the hell up because the rest of the street doesn't give a flying fig about how John went out last week and was talking to the new barmaid when his wife was at home with the kids. Non-gossip. Unless there were parts of John inside the barmaid, why isn't he allowed a conversation.
That went MUCH better than I anticipated.
I hope today will be ok for him.

lonelyfairy

(08-18-2016, 10:20 AM)BeyondShy Wrote: [ -> ]
(08-15-2016, 08:18 AM)lonelyfairy Wrote: [ -> ]It doesn't matter what I feel, hope, think or remember. I'm just a teeny tiny insignificant thing in universe, I do not matter.

I think you matter a lot. I always have.

Awe, thank you.
I hooe today can be much more productive. Now that I have cleared that notion out of my head, hopefully I can concentrate better on the tasks in front of me. I have three days to make it count. I really hope by Wednesday night I can come back to this post and say yes I did make the most of this time.
I want to talk to somebody, anybody on skype. But I can't stop sneezing or sniffling so it would be annoying as hell for the other person.

lonelyfairy

I want to cry, be mad, give up, be all crazy and also super relieved but close to really giving up.

Mixed as hell.
I'm not sure what's worse here:
That I'm in love with you, and accept your flaws because it's okay because I'm fucked up too.
Or that you don't see me that way. Even a little bit. And only flirt with me because you're somewhat attracted to me and probably just feel sorry for me because I'm completely single and not social.
OR, that you're mad at me over some pretty trivial shit...and the only reason it effects me is because you caught me off guard with it, and I'm in love with you, so naturally everything I think and feel about you is hanging on your words.

I relocated, nearly 5 hours away just to be closer to you.
I can handle you having no romantic interest in me. I'm getting better at handling it.
But if you wanna split off a real, genuine friendship and potential business aid, than there's not much I can really do about that. Other than I guess decide to try and come up with the money to move back...but I don't wanna do that either, so I don't know what to do...
You had a 12 pack of beer at least before you rather casually told me you're mad at me, which was kinda confusing to me because you didn't sound mad at all. I guess because you drank your anger away or something. And so I didn't even get the closure of if you're still mad at me or not after explaining the misunderstanding before you passed out.

So now I'm anxious, irritable, and can't sleep. At least you're sleeping...
Funny...two days ago, you were the only thing that in thought got me through the day. Like my zen. Yesterday I realized that I'm finally getting paid, and was going to ask you if you wanted to have drinks and discuss business planning further. Then, I go to talk to you and the first thing you tell me is you're mad at me....

Welp, nothing clams a person up like that sort of a roller-coaster.
And I can't even tell you I'm in love with you because you got mad at me the second time I tried to talk to you about it.

Sssooo, I'll just forget that you exist after I wake up from, ...whatever Hell this is going to put me through I guess, until you decide you're not mad at me anymore. Because, I really don't want to talk to you or be around you if you're upset with me. It's not worth THAT much effort to me. Hell, I'm already going way further than most people would. And you'd see that, if you weren't so goddamned selfish and immature.

Hopefully I'll be in a better frame of mind after I sleep next and wake up. Because right now I feel and think that if it really does come down to you breaking things off like that and I decide to move, than I'm just going to completely cease any contact with you whatsoever and as instant as I came into your life, I will be gone from it.
I feel like emotionless, no anger, love fear only empty rational existence with irritation behavior.
Just talked to a girl I've crushed on a decade, we supported each other through divorces, just totally told her I've always cared about her.It got a bit optimisitc...
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