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Full Version: talking about sex on first date than 2nd, should i be worried?
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As I mention before, I meet up w a local guy. I meet up with him for lunch yesterday. Well, the subject of sex came up. Before we meet up I explained how I never had a b/f etc... on the fist date he wanted me to clarify if I was still a virgin. Which I told him yes and I'm saving myself. And clarify that he wasn't. Well yesterday, he asked if I believe in birth control pills and safe sex. Which I said yes. (But I'm not on any birth control) He than goes on to say he believes in condoms, I was like ok.
Should I be concerned that he's thinking about sex. Or should be up front with him, about Not taking any birth control pills, and I'm not planning to have sex with him?
I mean I mention a few times how I never had a b/f nor been in any type of relationship. All this dating thing is brand new to me. So shouldn't he got the hint by now?
Hmmm. I'm not sure what to tell you, other than your final sentence made me want to comment.

You say "shouldn't he have got the hint by now?" In my experience of 17 years of marriage, men (some men I suppose I should say, since I can't speak for all...) cannot take hints. Not even great big, 20 storey neon-lit, flashing siren-wailing hints. Even when you think you've really spelled it out to them, and they've known you for many years.

So I would say, please do not assume he has taken any hint at all. That's not to say I am advising you to go and shout in his face I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU EVER EVER EVER.... firstly because people will stare. Secondly, it'd probably frighten him and thirdly, well, I still couldn't guarantee he'd take the hint even then Toungue

I haven't dated for years, I've no idea how you should do this. If it was me I'd try and find some way of letting him know, clearly, that while you like him and are happy with the way things are going (assuming that is true), you just want to be completely upfront with him and feel you should make sure he understands that you are not looking to start a sexual relationship with him, because one or two things he has said has made you a little concerned.

Whether for you that means "never" or just "not yet" should probably be clear aswell. He might well be thinking " she hasn't yet but she might with me." Men's minds are a mystery O.o

I hope that is some use. That's all I can contribute I'm afraid. Never assume men have taken a hint Smile
As for if you should be worried, I would say probably. Sex is obviously on his mind. A lot of guys think they can change your mind as well. He very well might pressure you down the line.

Seeker

Asking questions about sex that early isn't weird at all, however asking about birth control is. Better talk to him directly about your feelings on sex, he doesn't seem to be taking the hint.
(10-26-2013, 08:16 PM)Nells Wrote: [ -> ]You say "shouldn't he have got the hint by now?" In my experience of 17 years of marriage, men (some men I suppose I should say, since I can't speak for all...) cannot take hints. Not even great big, 20 storey neon-lit, flashing siren-wailing hints. Even when you think you've really spelled it out to them, and they've known you for many years.

Hahaha.. sorry had to laugh at that, Nells. I think you could be right.......

Anyway, yes, be it man or woman, you can't really know whether he/she has taken the hint or not so the best bet is to always communicate and talk things out with each other. It may not be easy if it's a sensitive or personal subject.. but if you really want him to be clear of it from the start, then you should have the talk soon.

Good luck. (:
(10-26-2013, 08:16 PM)Nells Wrote: [ -> ]You say "shouldn't he have got the hint by now?" In my experience of 17 years of marriage, men (some men I suppose I should say, since I can't speak for all...) cannot take hints. Not even great big, 20 storey neon-lit, flashing siren-wailing hints. Even when you think you've really spelled it out to them, and they've known you for many years.

Perhaps next time you should think about being with a competent man. It's not about getting the hint, to me he's clearly making his intentions clear. If this is something he seems fixated on then maybe this isn't the guy for you, which seems the case (already) IMO.

You don't have to settle on the first guy that comes along.
(10-26-2013, 09:01 PM)lostatsea Wrote: [ -> ]As for if you should be worried, I would say probably. Sex is obviously on his mind. A lot of guys think they can change your mind as well. He very well might pressure you down the line.

(10-26-2013, 09:34 PM)9006 Wrote: [ -> ]It's not about getting the hint, to me he's clearly making his intentions clear.

^ What they said.

You told him you were saving yourself. That's not a "hint", that's a direct statement. He seems to have other plans.

Better have another talk with him.
(10-26-2013, 10:38 PM)Solivagant Wrote: [ -> ]
(10-26-2013, 09:01 PM)lostatsea Wrote: [ -> ]As for if you should be worried, I would say probably. Sex is obviously on his mind. A lot of guys think they can change your mind as well. He very well might pressure you down the line.

(10-26-2013, 09:34 PM)9006 Wrote: [ -> ]It's not about getting the hint, to me he's clearly making his intentions clear.

^ What they said.

You told him you were saving yourself. That's not a "hint", that's a direct statement. He seems to have other plans.

Better have another talk with him.

Agreed. Sex is on his mind and he's letting you know he's wanting it but don't let go of your beliefs and morals, make him wait. If he really likes you and wants more than to just "pop your cherry" (sorry for the crude term) then he'll respect your wishes and wait.
As far as being "forward" with you on the first date, or whatever, I would say that is a poor choice for him, perhaps a bit worrying for you since you aren't looking for that kind of thing.
What exactly are you "saving" yourself for? A long-term relationship? Marriage?
Maybe you should tell him specifically what you are saving yourself for so neither of you get hurt or put in time and effort for nothing.
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