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Warning: long text ensuing. I have never written out my story in full. It might look self-pitying to many of you but the truth is unless you are in my situation, it is difficult to understand.

Hello, I am a 29 year old person with physical issues. These issues prevent me from living life as a 'normal' person.

Basically, from a very young age my body is not that of a normal male. My body has never really developed into that of a man. I have the wide hips of a woman, slim and rounded shoulders, very slim arms and legs and a general lack of muscularity. I have found a picture on google that accurately describes the difference between me and other guys:[Image: afp20051201p2259-f1.jpg]

As a result, I have a lot of difficulty in social circles. I do not resemble a man, nor do I resemble a woman. People generally pick up on this pretty easily.

Even though I am in general a good-natured, intelligent and often funny person the first impression people have of me is a negative one. Men sometimes do not consider me as one of them, and even go so far as to ridicule or dismiss me. I can handle that.

My main problem though is that women just are not attracted to me. Since I do not exhibit many masculine features, this is normal. Other than having a weird body I have a lot of other turn-off features: male pattern balding, bad breath, bags under my eyes, stuttering and thin lips. I consider myself nature's exercise in physical unattractiveness.

For me, this has placed a huge downer on my confidence. So apart from being particularly unappealing, I have developed self esteem issues as well. I am also very immature and cover my flaws through lying/embellishment.

I had zero(!) romantic or sexual experience until 25, when I got together with a girl who knows me and has liked me for a long time. Of course, she fell in love with my brain rather than my body. Our sex life is not great, both due to my lack of virility and her disattraction to my physique. Our relationships is somewhat unhealthy, since she is the domineering type and I am the doormat type. We do love each other though and I do not long for the single life.

A couple of years ago, I finally decided there had to be a reason for this anomalous body of mine. I researched and found the cause to be a general lack of testosterone, the condition is called hypogonadism. Most guys with hypogonadism have this due to a chromosomal defect (XXY instead of XY) but in my case, this is not so.

Lack of testosterone also explains why I am still so painfully immature at 29. Where other people generally go out and do things I flit from my job (chem. engineer) to my couch and vice versa. I have a bad relationship with alcohol and other drugs, since I lack the strength of mind to say no. Luckily, I am not easily addicted.

I am not depressed, do not really have social anxiety and realise I could improve myself. I have a good job and a loving family. I will never be happy or 'whole'.

TLDR: I'm a guy without testosterone. It sucks. Really.
Welcome to the forum, Bird_Flu84. It doesn't matter what you look like (well, I'm sure it might to you); you are still a human being! I'm so glad you joined.

I know this is of concern to you, but I wish it were not. You have a nice family, and they love you and you love them. Gosh, so many of us don't have that and never will for whatever reason(s).

You said you will never be happy or whole. Neither will most of us, Bird_Flu84, for one reason or another, unless we really work at it. But please don't let the concerns you just discussed keep you from feeling happy or whole. So what if you feel different, or are different! So what that this or that isn't shaped the way you think it should be. Everyone is different in some way, everyone has imperfections, and everyone is beautiful in some way! Just be your best beautiful self. That is all anyone could ever ask or expect of you.

Please know that you're a good person and I wish we could all put your mind at ease and take all this care away from you. You have every right to have high self esteem AND you have every right to be happy! You are who you are and you're fine just as you are. I am happy for you that you have a loving family! That's what everyone needs. And some of us have to find that family outside of our blood family. And that's just fine!

I'm certainly no marriage counselor, but I believe you and your wife can work through any issues you're having and both be happy. It just takes two people willing to compromise and get along.

Sorry for the long reply, but wanted to welcome you!
Hi!

Are you absolutely sure that your problem lies in genes and not in the way you perceive yourself?
Hi and welcome!

It sounds like you have looked into this, is there anything a doctor can do? Can they give you testosterone?
(07-18-2014, 12:49 AM)wu-wei Wrote: [ -> ]Hi!

Are you absolutely sure that your problem lies in genes and not in the way you perceive yourself?

I am sure. I am generally not prone to hyperbole. My testosterone level is akin to that of the average 90 year old.

(07-18-2014, 01:15 AM)Edward W Wrote: [ -> ]Hi and welcome!

It sounds like you have looked into this, is there anything a doctor can do? Can they give you testosterone?

Yes but this would decrease my fertility. I am currently seeing an endo to try and increase my own production of T.

(07-18-2014, 12:16 AM)Ruthie Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome to the forum, Bird_Flu84. It doesn't matter what you look like (well, I'm sure it might to you); you are still a human being! I'm so glad you joined.

I know this is of concern to you, but I wish it were not. You have a nice family, and they love you and you love them. Gosh, so many of us don't have that and never will for whatever reason(s).

You said you will never be happy or whole. Neither will most of us, Bird_Flu84, for one reason or another, unless we really work at it. But please don't let the concerns you just discussed keep you from feeling happy or whole. So what if you feel different, or are different! So what that this or that isn't shaped the way you think it should be. Everyone is different in some way, everyone has imperfections, and everyone is beautiful in some way! Just be your best beautiful self. That is all anyone could ever ask or expect of you.

Please know that you're a good person and I wish we could all put your mind at ease and take all this care away from you. You have every right to have high self esteem AND you have every right to be happy! You are who you are and you're fine just as you are. I am happy for you that you have a loving family! That's what everyone needs. And some of us have to find that family outside of our blood family. And that's just fine!

I'm certainly no marriage counselor, but I believe you and your wife can work through any issues you're having and both be happy. It just takes two people willing to compromise and get along.

Sorry for the long reply, but wanted to welcome you!

Thank you for your sweet reply. I do have many things to be thankful for. I just need to learn to accept myself.
Welcome to the forum!

Don't say you are flawed. Sad We all have things we don't like about ourselves.
(07-18-2014, 06:05 AM)Nicolelt Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome to the forum!

Don't say you are flawed. Sad We all have things we don't like about ourselves.

A lot of things in your case.
(07-18-2014, 06:18 AM)PieBeNice Wrote: [ -> ]
(07-18-2014, 06:05 AM)Nicolelt Wrote: [ -> ]Welcome to the forum!

Don't say you are flawed. Sad We all have things we don't like about ourselves.

A lot of things in your case.

I know, tis quite a list!
(07-18-2014, 04:58 AM)Bird_Flu84 Wrote: [ -> ]I am sure. I am generally not prone to hyperbole. My testosterone level is akin to that of the average 90 year old.

I had a quick look and I admit that living with this syndrome seems extremely hard.

I don't think that appearance or body shape makes one more of a man, woman or someone else. It's about who you feel you are and others should respect it. If you stay long enough, you'll notice that many people on ALL suffer from often multiple 'flaws': physical, social or psychological. The whole variety of things can lead to loneliness. I believe that you can still be happy and 'whole' as long as you accept that your disease is just a part of your identity.
Hello, welcome to the forum.
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