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Yes this is an online dating thread. You have been warned.

So I made a profile on OKCupid a while ago just to try it out. I'd sent out a bunch of greetings and until yesterday had nothing to show for it (curse you, male/female ratio!). Then last night out of the blue, someone actually responded! A super intelligent engineering student and really attractive to boot. She had just landed a job in my state and was planning on moving right after graduating. Couldn't believe my luck.

We had a really nice conversation and it seemed like we had a lot in common. I allowed myself to think maybe there could be a chance I'd get to meet her. All of a sudden she stopped responding... I thought, "well, probably something came up" and went to bed. The next day I check back and it turns out she'd deleted her profile. Sad

Kind of makes me not want to do this anymore, if this is the sort of thing that happens all the time on sites like these. My expectations of finding a relationship online were low to begin with, but this stung pretty bad regardless. Maybe I should just get a pet.
Online dating sites are fail, straight out of Failblog (if you remember that website). I wouldn't waste time on them.

If you want to meet someone online, join an interest group of some sort. There's tons of interest-related websites where there are regulars discussing various issues all the time. It takes months and maybe even years to be accepted as a regular and earn people's trust, and of course you have to behave well during that time and make a good impression, but that's just a matter of being yourself. Once that's done you can perhaps hook up with someone else who shares that interest--which gives you something in common with them to begin with and increases the chance of a good match. The disadvantage is that people you meet on shared-interest websites tend to be scattered all over the world and it can be time-consuming and expensive to meet them in person if things get to that stage.
In my case i found a nice girl on omegle, we chat a lot and ended up being a facebook friends. After that, i found it hard to make a conversation with her, we live in a different world after all.
(05-06-2015, 01:42 PM)Revengineer Wrote: [ -> ]Yes this is an online dating thread. You have been warned.

So I made a profile on OKCupid a while ago just to try it out. I'd sent out a bunch of greetings and until yesterday had nothing to show for it (curse you, male/female ratio!). Then last night out of the blue, someone actually responded! A super intelligent engineering student and really attractive to boot. She had just landed a job in my state and was planning on moving right after graduating. Couldn't believe my luck.

We had a really nice conversation and it seemed like we had a lot in common. I allowed myself to think maybe there could be a chance I'd get to meet her. All of a sudden she stopped responding... I thought, "well, probably something came up" and went to bed. The next day I check back and it turns out she'd deleted her profile. Sad

Kind of makes me not want to do this anymore, if this is the sort of thing that happens all the time on sites like these. My expectations of finding a relationship online were low to begin with, but this stung pretty bad regardless. Maybe I should just get a pet.

From a young lady who used to online date. It probably wasn't you that did it. We get more messages from guys first, than the other way around. And you should see some of the sick stuff guys have sent me. My sister was on the other side of your situation. She was talking to a guy on there, and was kinda building something, then another guy sent her something so crude that it turned her off of online dating and she deleted her profile. If the rude people would stay off there, I think it could work.
(05-08-2015, 03:15 AM)Nicolelt Wrote: [ -> ]From a young lady who used to online date. It probably wasn't you that did it. We get more messages from guys first, than the other way around. And you should see some of the sick stuff guys have sent me. My sister was on the other side of your situation. She was talking to a guy on there, and was kinda building something, then another guy sent her something so crude that it turned her off of online dating and she deleted her profile. If the rude people would stay off there, I think it could work.

I can sympathize with your sister because I don't think any girls should receive messages like that and the people that send those kind of messages have no class at all. I really don't know what they are trying to accomplish.

But if I read it correctly she was getting to know someone on there and this guy was being nice to her and because of someone else she deletes her profile and this guy probably feels like he did something wrong.

Believe it or not I tried a site like this too. It was called okcupid and I didn't last a month on there. Nobody responded to me. I sent some very nice and respectful messages to introduce myself. I would read their profile and comment on something from that. That way I let them know I paid attention to them instead of just messaging them because of what they looked like. Not a thing was sent back. Like I said I didn't last a month and I am gone now and I will never return. I took it personal.
Seconding alternatives to meeting people. I'm female and it still doesn't work for me. Responses on dating profiles when I have pictures are incredibly rare, and still most of them are bizarre, fizzle out because we share nothing, or are copy-pasted greetings.

Even dumb luck is luckier, and a far happier path.

Knowing how to handle failed connections is important either way, though. If you don't know someone beyond brief chatting (online or off), it's important to manage your expectations of what they're going to be to you or how long they're going to stick around. Maybe you're soulmates... or maybe you're just two people talking.

Maybe they're a bot. Who knows.

HoodedMonk

Dating websites don't work. I can attest to this.
(05-08-2015, 08:17 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: [ -> ]If you don't know someone beyond brief chatting (online or off), it's important to manage your expectations of what they're going to be to you or how long they're going to stick around.

What do you consider to be the difference between brief chatting and a real conversation?
(05-08-2015, 09:08 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: [ -> ]
(05-08-2015, 08:17 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: [ -> ]If you don't know someone beyond brief chatting (online or off), it's important to manage your expectations of what they're going to be to you or how long they're going to stick around.

What do you consider to be the difference between brief chatting and a real conversation?

Brief chatting:
Surface topics
Short-term (< 2-3 weeks)
Inconsistent

Real conversation:
More personal topics
Long-term (> 2-3 weeks)
Consistent

No clear and easy divide.
(05-08-2015, 09:27 AM)Tealeaf Wrote: [ -> ]Brief chatting:
Surface topics
Short-term (< 2-3 weeks)
Inconsistent

Real conversation:
More personal topics
Long-term (> 2-3 weeks)
Consistent

No clear and easy divide.

What about the time length of the conversation(s)?

A couple times I think I've broken through the surface, but I haven't been sure.
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