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I am a person with a false past. A false history constructed on the back of a squandered creative talent. A liar to his remaining friends and family.

I feel the need to be someone else, lie about my wealth to even those who cared for me the most. And I know the end is coming. My entire life has been a constant building of lies for social acceptance and the inevitable fall. My house of cards are ready to come crashing down, as the roiling clouds of summer are ripe for storm.

Broken dreams, broken loves. I lie to myself every day. I wish wasn't intelligent enough to be self-aware of this behavior, but I am cursed with an impotent sense of conscience.

I have created false family members, false stories around them... if some people only knew the truth, I would be hated. I do it all for acceptance, because social acceptance was viciously denied to me throughout childhood, and I am now willing to ruin myself to retain that acceptance. I am broken.

I can't stop. To stop would mean facing who I am, and I cannot do that. I've kept the mask on for so long I don't know what's lurking beneath it. Even this is too close.

I think of nights as a young teenager, the dreams I had. The dreams that were possible, within reach. As unaccepted as I was, I truly miss those times. At least there was a chance to change, to redeem one's sense of self-worth and respect. Here and now, at 25 years, there is no comfort. The world gives no quarter.

Who am I?

A child forced to rely on imagination and self-deception for survival. An adult who never really grew up.

What will shatter this mask?

First off, I want to say welcome to ALL

I'm not one to approve lying by nature but in your case I find it acceptable. Lying to save yourself at a first gland sound awful, but not everyone who is born in this hand is dealt with a good deck of card. Some of us have to work extremely hard and even then, giving it our all, is not enough to even be in the same league as the lucky child who is born already being rich and have caring and loving parents. Heck if that was the case, none of these lonely, depress, suicidal forum would ever exist and the world would be a utopia. Sadly reality hit, and the world is full of chaos and jealously.

I personally have try it to my best interest not to lie to anyone but I do lie that only hurt myself such as this one in my previous threads. http://www.alonelylife.com/i-am-the-grea...-3427.html

I think it is very similar to this thread of your, and just know that everyone on here has at least been down in the dump quite a few times. For some it a few times, and for other it can take years.

welcome here DemonInMyView,

All mover this to the new members forum. (Introduction) I think it well be better there Smile
welcome!!! good to hear you spill your heart out! I hear the first step is admitting and if so... your stepping in the right direction!
Well you've got to make life as best as you can, so lying doesn't seem that bad, the only problem is when you get caught out.
Quote:if some people only knew the truth, I would be hated.

can u tell us some of the truth?

and welcome.
Welcome. Its NEVER too late to change!
I read your post. It sounded so sad. Really sucks when you have to hide who you are because you are afraid no one can love you if you are honest. Skeletons in the closet. We all have them. Some more so than others. If you need a friend to listen, without judgement, I will be here for you. Sounds like you are close to hitting rock bottom. One day, the real person you are will come out. You will be miserable till then. It's not that there will not be consequences for what you have done. There will be. But hopefully there will be forgiveness too and understanding why you did what you did. Sometimes it's not what a person does but, why they do it that matters. You owe it to yourself to be the authentic person you were born to be.
My skeletons have teeth.


DemonInMyView Wrote:My skeletons have teeth.

Teeth you say?! *Note to self: Stay out of Demon's closet*
Sorry, no offense, but I don't need any skeleton teeth imbeded in my ass. Sad Toungue

There aren't too many things that aren't eligible for forgiveness, Demon. As Naleena said, there will be consequences, but people's capacity for forgiveness is larger than you might think. Even yours. Try to forgive yourself.
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