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I dont know if this will reach the right person, or if it'll just end up looking stupid and sad. People in love never want to hear the truth, anyways, esp online, heh.


Ive been through a couple ldrs by now. I'm lonely, hence why I'm on websites like this. I also have subterranean levels of self esteem, and Ive felt something like depression for about 5 years straight. I learned my lesson after the first couple brushes with online romance, however immature they may have been. When I met no3, I wasnt looking anymore. But deep down, I was still so lonely, and ached to find a true friend.. and I also still wanted to experience love, and all that goes along with it.

The first month, there wasnt any flirting. Just a person who seemed genuinely happy spending time talking to me. I thought I had found a friend that I really connected with. After a while, though, he'd start saying things like 'its scary how much i like talking to you.' I'd constantly resist, but deep down, I did want it, and so I'd give in, resist, give in. I showed him my photo, I went on camera, trying to say look, I am not beautiful, so please dont make me out to be more than I am.

Another month went by, and somewhere, things changed. I had noticed that he didnt seek me out in the im group we were a part of. Didnt act excited to see me in group, the way he did in pm. Didnt talk about meeting up like he did with the others, never went out of his way to include me in plans. He'd still pm me every day, but would wait until the small hours of morning. When I pmed him first, a full conversation would never ensue. He'd ask me personal, leading questions, but very rarely actually give me his full attention.
Through this all, I kept saying, things are different, why? He never acknowledged anything. I felt like I was going crazy-- how come someone who seemed so keen to talk, never sets aside any time for me anymore? Why should you have to be more than friends with someone who genuinely likes you, to have them engage with you, without being busy?

I am not upset because of feelings that changed. I am upset, because I thought I had a friend who cared about me. Not only that, every time I tried talking about it, there was never any acknowledgement that anything was different.Getting someone to open up to you, and not even caring enough to listen, just kills the other person involved. I understand suddenly not talking as much to someone, because you cant admit your feelings have changed. But faking it is something that just feels wrong.


So thats my story .-. If you have one to share.. theres space. I'm aware that there are stories that have happy endings. But they give false hope to the majority, and open vulnerable hearts up to needless pain. Somehow I thought it would be more obvious, that someone was insincere. But it can blindside you, and it hurts so much more, becuase you were unprepared-- because instead of bumping into someone at a coffee shop and going on a few dates before deciding not to get too involved, you open up too deeply to someone, for months and months.. and then realize they dont even care about you enough to enjoy your friendship.
The key to what you noticed lies in our species' bodies. Compared to other animals, we are weak, slow, and terrible fighters. So we find ways to compensate by being devious and untrustworthy weasels--which some idiots consider being "smart" but is in fact being devious and untrustworthy weasels. Human nature is itself defective because of our physical defects. The way this guy treated you is just the way people biologically behave. I recommend misanthropy for anyone who wants to acknowledge the truth and keep it uppermost in their mind.
Hello altghost. I've been through LDRs myself and I totally know what you're saying here. I've been through these too.

(06-01-2015, 04:16 AM)altghost Wrote: [ -> ]I understand suddenly not talking as much to someone, because you cant admit your feelings have changed. But faking it is something that just feels wrong.

I totally agree with you on this. People should just be upfront and honest anyway, cos when they fake it, they're being so damn inconsiderate and selfish and hurtful.

(06-01-2015, 04:16 AM)altghost Wrote: [ -> ]Somehow I thought it would be more obvious, that someone was insincere. But it can blindside you, and it hurts so much more, becuase you were unprepared-- because instead of bumping into someone at a coffee shop and going on a few dates before deciding not to get too involved, you open up too deeply to someone, for months and months.. and then realize they dont even care about you enough to enjoy your friendship.

This hits the core. I know this feeling very well.

Not only that, they don't care about you enough to be truthful so as not to string you along for no good reason. Always giving excuses, making you think that it's just you and nothing's wrong.

LDRs are not easy. Just like any real life relationship. But LDRs have a totally tricky side to them that I have no desire to be in one anymore. It takes up too much of a risk of being burned and I took that risk a lot and I really don't think it's worth it with most people who just can't be truthful and honest. It's rare to find people who can be that way.
Any kind of relationship starts with two people chatting and getting to know one another. It starts as friends, either in real life or online,chatting and sharing. Sometimes things can become than just a friendship. I think it is mostly down to just how much you share with each other. If you are chatting and sharing, day after day, week after week, emotions and feelings can change from just a feeling of friendship, to perhaps more. If people are not used to sharing how they feel or opening up and letting feelings show. Then maybe things can get a bit blurred about just where friendship ends and more emotional attachments start. If only one person is looking for more than friendship,the other person really needs to be strong, and be the friend that can help the other person through the emotional turmoil, and be the friend that understands that emotions are complicated things to understand.
And to try and keep the friendship they had alive.
Sometimes though, even when the communication is great in the beginning, people change and they start communicating less and less. There's always a reason why, and they usually don't say what the truth is and we tend to make excuses for it and put up with it until eventually, the truth comes out and at least someone gets hurt.
From what you wrote, how can you be sure it WAS a long distance relationship?
Communication is lifeline of any kind of relationship one can have, when it start decaying It's a big sign everything will be go to gutter one day eventually cause relationships are based on sharing principle the moment you stop sharing things then there is little to no hope for that.
(06-01-2015, 03:56 PM)ladyforsaken Wrote: [ -> ]Hello altghost. I've been through LDRs myself and I totally know what you're saying here. I've been through these too.

(06-01-2015, 04:16 AM)altghost Wrote: [ -> ]I understand suddenly not talking as much to someone, because you cant admit your feelings have changed. But faking it is something that just feels wrong.

I totally agree with you on this. People should just be upfront and honest anyway, cos when they fake it, they're being so damn inconsiderate and selfish and hurtful.

(06-01-2015, 04:16 AM)altghost Wrote: [ -> ]Somehow I thought it would be more obvious, that someone was insincere. But it can blindside you, and it hurts so much more, becuase you were unprepared-- because instead of bumping into someone at a coffee shop and going on a few dates before deciding not to get too involved, you open up too deeply to someone, for months and months.. and then realize they dont even care about you enough to enjoy your friendship.

This hits the core. I know this feeling very well.

Not only that, they don't care about you enough to be truthful so as not to string you along for no good reason. Always giving excuses, making you think that it's just you and nothing's wrong.

LDRs are not easy. Just like any real life relationship. But LDRs have a totally tricky side to them that I have no desire to be in one anymore. It takes up too much of a risk of being burned and I took that risk a lot and I really don't think it's worth it with most people who just can't be truthful and honest. It's rare to find people who can be that way.

This. Very much this. I don't know if they stop realizing there is another human being on the end of that exchange, one who has made themselves open and vulnerable by being in that situation. LDRs take more effort than the usual kind, simply because of the separation and lack of closeness for most of the duration of time that you're in one. It's easy to understand that sometimes, things might not work out, but to continue to pretend there is still a chance of things working out while never intending them to, is just cruel on their part. And it's very painful to finally realize and acknowledge. I doubt that sort of insincerity is something one would experience from someone who cared to begin with.
In any sort of relationship, both parties have to want to be willing to do whatever it takes, and sacrifice anything and everything to be with each other. If only one is willing to do that, the other should try and understand the emotional pain and anguish that is being felt. You can't switch emotions on and off. If you love someone, you can't just stop loving them just because the other person does not feel the same way. That love is always going to be there, no matter how much anyone tries to hide it.
Love is a very powerful thing.
If you care about someone, and you don't want to hurt them, or see them hurting, why would you not want to take the chance that maybe this is the person you would find true happiness with, that this person is the one who can make you laugh, and make you feel free, and loves and cares about you?