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How do you deal with exclusion? For instance, if your child is excluded from an event or something like that? Or, have you ever been excluded from something at work or other things?
It can be a little hurtful, but I feel it's for the best. I'd rather go where I'm wanted, and I wouldn't want to included in anything just as an afterthought or out of a sense of obligation or something such as that.
It would be hard to explain that perspective to a child though. It's quite rough on kids to be left out of their peer group. If I were faced with that problem I suppose I would just say, 'Oh but don't you remember we had that 'insert really exciting event/activity child enjoys' to go to on that day too?' It wouldn't change the fact that they were excluded, but it could soften the blow for them if they're young enough for that.
Good points.
I'm still struggling with that. I tell myself what the other poster said--that it's better not to be in places where you're not welcome or won't fit in. Unfortunately, it results in sadness over always finding myself in these places or scenarios. I'll try participating in things I enjoy or make a day for myself. Doesn't take away the pain entirely, but there's still a sense of relief.
I'm not quite sure how to answer this question... =/ I've always been excluded, it's just life as usual. It hurts sometimes; I feel sad about it. But I can't think of anything I really do to deal with it, it's just a normal thing for me.

(08-05-2015, 08:35 PM)Aisha Wrote: [ -> ]If I were faced with that problem I suppose I would just say, 'Oh but don't you remember we had that 'insert really exciting event/activity child enjoys' to go to on that day too?' It wouldn't change the fact that they were excluded, but it could soften the blow for them if they're young enough for that.

^ I like that idea. My parents would have blown me off and said something like "Life's not fair," or "Be your own friend." My father once said "Include yourself," which I tried, and shouldn't have, lol.
I ended a friendship once about 12 years ago after a friend excluded me from a barbeque. She invited everyone from our social circle but me. I thought about it and realized she did it deliberately and had already been treating me badly. I haven't seen her since.
That was an extreme situation but everyone gets excluded from time to time from social events. Many times it happens accidentally or without malice. I'm quite certain my child has been excluded here and there. Girls (and some adult women) can be quite catty about excluding other females. But luckily, my daughter isn't in with the popular crowd, whose fortunes rise and fall on a whim. If I've seen she's been excluded from her social circle, I don't make a big deal about it. We move on and we're ok, with no grudges.

-Teresa
This is hard, just plain hard. Being invisible and alone from Jr High School on, I had to be really careful with my daughter. I didn't want her to experience the isolation that I had, and this very fact could lead me to say and do some bad things while hoping to be "helpful". Her friendship group was unstable and rocky, and I thank heaven she got through High School largely unscathed.

My boy has been excluded, and had the excluding person discuss the upcoming event right in front of him with someone he'd included. But my son didn't want any help from me, just wanted to vent at what he considered rude and inappropriate behaviour on the part of the excluding person, who was supposedly a friend.

No advice here. The only thing I can think of is to validate the hell out of them, and who they really are, so they can navigate the rough patches. And maybe not make a big deal out of the particular exclusion, let it fade into the past.
Oftentimes, yes. I grew up different enough to not be invited in for anything more personable than the Pokemon craze back in the 90's, when all that mattered to elementary school kids was whether or not you had a Game Boy. Games were just games, it didn't matter if you were popular or not when it was a fad.

I notice when other people treated to courtesies I'm not, occasionally in my own friendships. In one online friendship someone resisted having voice conversations with me, but later told me how other people had warmed them to the idea and how much fun they were having together. Bringing it up just made me the bad guy. In a circle of friends a couple years ago, one of them didn't like me and kept inviting everyone else to meet without me. No one said anything or defended me, so I left.

Sometimes it's not deliberate, and it's just a matter of being an outsider in a current social group. I play with an established group of friends in an online game who've been playing longer than I have, so I felt left out of conversations in the beginning that I had no real way to participate in. I mentioned it to the one I know personally who apparently dropped hints, and they made a point of helping me catch up. They're good people, just not used to new faces.
I was kind of excluded growing up. I was not into the same things that most of the other kids were into, and I was always shy and cautious by nature, not taking any risks being loud and outgoing because I didn't want to mess up, say the wrong thing, and wind up getting bullied for that forever. It was easier to just stay as a wallflower. It took me until 8th grade before I made any lasting friendships with people that I truly had a lot in common with. I guess you could say that I didn't try very hard to be included, so in some ways, I excluded myself.

I was also "good" whereas most of my peers were "bad". So there was that, also.

I was angry about it for a while, and I thought the other kids were douchebags and elitists. But eventually, as time went on, I realized that I didn't want to be included in their group anyway since we'd have had little to talk about. I wasn't even mad or against them anymore. It's just...I saw no point in wanting to be included in a group with which I had almost nothing in common. Eventually, I was able to just shrug it off. It also helped when I found my small but close group of friends.

I would say to anyone dealing with exclusion to keep trying to find your group through following your interests and beliefs. Someone will click with that eventually. And don't worry about the major peer groups. All you can do is be as friendly as you can (but not a doormat, of course). Improve yourself where you can, but also don't mistake self-improvement for covering up who you are. Chances are, there's nothing wrong with your interests and you don't have to change them. Just keep looking for the others.
(08-07-2015, 03:57 AM)TheSkaFish Wrote: [ -> ]I would say to anyone dealing with exclusion to keep trying to find your group through following your interests and beliefs. Someone will click with that eventually. And don't worry about the major peer groups. All you can do is be as friendly as you can (but not a doormat, of course). Improve yourself where you can, but also don't mistake self-improvement for covering up who you are. Chances are, there's nothing wrong with your interests and you don't have to change them. Just keep looking for the others.
I been excluded from social life and stuff too for quite some years and being shy and somewhat introvert didn't help it either. I also ended up with wrong people who actually don't like me and neither do i acutally hehe, so i liked it more alone then being with people that don't like you or put you down. I'm slowly doing activities again but it takes a while to connect with people.

Indeed don't change yourself because if people want that you change I guess you better leave them alone or accept you as you are.
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