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This for me is my most embarrassing secret. Even reading it, my head screams at me "Ha! Loser".

This year I'm going to be 21, and it feels like now this is becoming quite scary for me! I mean I'm going to be a 21 year old who's never even kissed a girl? What woman is ever going to respect that? I don't even care about my "virginity" that doesn't bother me at all. Never having a connection with somebody does upset me though.

If you haven't read my thread on "I can't keep fighting" please do, it will explain a lot in my next paragraph.

I was going to post this in the "questions for the women" thread but I wanted more serious answers. Honestly if you'd been talking with a 21 year old guy, you both got along great etc. But then someone you trust told you they'd never kissed a girl...that would be a big, big turn off, no? For me, I feel like I've never even had an opportunity to relax with a girl I like and chat. My life's been non-stop stress. Even if I had, except for a one night stand I wouldn't of been able to offer them any kind of relationship because back then I was so anxious I thought I'd ruin their teenage years if they had gotten with me.

I mean there's 10 year olds who have more experience than me!... Anyway back to the question.

Women, would it scare you if you knew you were a man's first kiss/sexual experience etc.?

Also a second question if you don't mind answering? Men can answer this as well! If I met a girl I really liked, should I lie and pretend I do have experience?



Thank you for reading, any answers or advice would be great! Thanks again!
I'm not a woman, so I'm not sure how useful you're going to find this, but based on my own relationships and talking to female friends, very few women would be concerned with your lack of experience and many of them might find it 'cute'. I don't think you should be worried about it either way and I certainly wouldn't lie about it - any woman that's going to have a problem with it, isn't worth your time in the first place.

Amelia

There are many types of women, some would mind it and some wouldn't. The real question is, which kind of woman do you want to be with?

Do you want to be with a woman to whom sex is perhaps more important than all the other aspects of a relationship? Or do you want to be with a woman who thinks sex is important but doesn't take centrestage in a relationship? Your priorities have to match your partner's for things to work I think.

As a woman, it doesn't bother me at all whether a man has kissed before/has sexual experience. I am way more concerned with whether he is respectful, considerate, kind, honest etc.

I do have a friend who refuses to date men who have no sexual experience though. I asked her a hypothetical question once; if she would reject a man who was perfect for her in every way, except in bed and her answer was yes. You would think dating would be easy for her, but interestingly, she has had many lovers who never stick around and she is always confiding in me about how miserable she feels.

Should you tell all this to a woman? I would say do what you feel is right in that particular situation, but you can always test the grounds by asking what she would do if she were to meet an inexperienced guy. Her answer should help you decide if she's worth pursuing. Even if she figure it out that this hypothetical question is about you, at least you get to avoid feeling embarrassed and she gets to be honest without worrying about directly saying something hurtful. 

Generally though, like Cavey said, many women are cool with it Smile
Hey Osiris.
A lack of experience is not a turn off, but lying about it and pretending would be. Just talk to the girl, and tell her she's going to be the first person you kiss - and ask for tips on how to do it well. I promise, most girls would enjoy showing you how and what to do Smile
And most importantly, don't stress about it. It's not a race. Like Cavey and Amelia already said, anyone who would have an issue with this isn't worth your time anyway. Being with someone that superficial isn't a relationship that would make you happy long-term.
As a woman it wouldn't be a turn-off for me. As someone else already stated, many women would find it cute, as long as you don't get offended if she gives you tips on how to get better. I don't even see why you would have to tell her you've never kissed anyone before. If you like her, kissing is pretty instinctual. As a late bloomer myself, I'm a big believer in the "fake it till you make it" approach. My suggestion is to go on Reddit and read all the tips on how to kiss and especially on how NOT to kiss a woman. There's lots of good advice there. Good luck!
I've been with my girlfriend for two years.  We were co-workers for 13, and she always had a crush on me.  She's one of the most beautiful women I've ever met and never thought I'd have a chance with her, so I never saw any of the signals. (My son did, "dad it was obvious" he said) In high school she was runner up prom queen, and looking at pictures she hasn't changed much at all.  Anyway, story in itself.....

Back to how this all relates to you,  our first kiss was HER first kiss.  She was so embarrassed, and it only came out a year after we had been together.  This woman is approached all the time when out, and it's annoying but I figure anyone who has had an attractive girlfriend or wife, this probably is what comes with the picture.  And honestly, it's only been since this relationship that I have become more empathetic towards women regarding male attention.  I always thought what a compliment it probably is for them to get all that attention. Now, talking with her about it I see it differently.  It makes her feel unsafe, never thought about it that way. More to the point, she is the last person on earth whom I would ever have thought would be sexually inexperienced. Or never been kissed for that matter. "Shes a girl, it should be easy" - so said by all of us (men).

So, again back to you - all my male brothers, especially those of us who live with social dysfunction, we look at the dating world, and women - and how much easier it seems for them.  Any woman, even those below average, are showered with male attention. NONE of them should be lacking in sexual experience, unlike us.  My "never-had-a-real-kiss" girlfriend was afraid I would think less of her, if I knew her inexperience.  Actually I was honored, honored beyond belief to have been the man who experienced that with her.  She's early 40s btw.

So Mr. 21 year old who has no experience with women, don't sweat the small stuff.  So what that you haven't been kissed, so what you haven't had sex.  You have bigger fish to fry...... all that part, the physical piece of a relationship will come with a relationship - which begins with communication.  Work on your communicating ability - use your job, use your social life, (not social media) as a "school for the deaf."  Learn to LISTEN - practice on both male and female co workers and friends. Learn to listen, and learn to ask questions.  That skill as opposed to sexual experience will be the deciding factor in success in ANY relationship. Romantic or otherwise. Those skills will also be what helps you acquire a relationship.
(07-23-2017, 07:18 PM)Amelia Wrote: [ -> ]There are many types of women, some would mind it and some wouldn't. The real question is, which kind of woman do you want to be with?

This. For me personally, I wouldn't care. It's such a personal preference though, and to some, it's not even a thought. If it ever happens to bother whomever you bump into in your life, it's probably going to be more of a "Should I let this determine my relationship?" question. To which I would answer, no, mainly because it doesn't matter.

What irks me, more so than a guy not being intimate with anyone at any age, is them constantly harping on it. I've known some that let it rule their lives, and I couldn't imagine being on the other end of that, not even just having to hear about it, but wondering what makes them think any potential interest wants to be dismissed because they haven't experienced something. Just a tip: If they tell you it doesn't bother them, take their word for it. It'll be much better that way.






(07-23-2017, 03:27 PM)Osiris Wrote: [ -> ]This for me is my most embarrassing secret. Even reading it, my head screams at me "Ha! Loser".

This year I'm going to be 21, and it feels like now this is becoming quite scary for me! I mean I'm going to be a 21 year old who's never even kissed a girl? What woman is ever going to respect that? I don't even care about my "virginity" that doesn't bother me at all. Never having a connection with somebody does upset me though.

If you haven't read my thread on "I can't keep fighting" please do, it will explain a lot in my next paragraph.

I was going to post this in the "questions for the women" thread but I wanted more serious answers. Honestly if you'd been talking with a 21 year old guy, you both got along great etc. But then someone you trust told you they'd never kissed a girl...that would be a big, big turn off, no? For me, I feel like I've never even had an opportunity to relax with a girl I like and chat. My life's been non-stop stress. Even if I had, except for a one night stand I wouldn't of been able to offer them any kind of relationship because back then I was so anxious I thought I'd ruin their teenage years if they had gotten with me.

I mean there's 10 year olds who have more experience than me!... Anyway back to the question.

Women, would it scare you if you knew you were a man's first kiss/sexual experience etc.?

Also a second question if you don't mind answering? Men can answer this as well! If I met a girl I really liked, should I lie and pretend I do have experience?



Thank you for reading, any answers or advice would be great! Thanks again!

Personally I find that romantic. I don't really have experience either and I think we should both hope for someone who can appreciate the purity and romanticism in that. You should never start off the relationship on a lie.
Well, in my experience, kissing girls leads to baby, which do lead to joy, but also lead to child support payments and the severely, if not non existent, blocking of any kind of future retirement plans.

So you may want to reconsider. I hear they're working on really performing robots lol. ;-)
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