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Full Version: How do you placate people who are actively looking to disagree and argue?
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This is one of the more touchy issues for me. I'm usually happy to go along, but sometimes I meet people who seem determined to make a scene. A good example right now is my manager. She always seems to be looking for a fight (and has gotten into a few with customers). She once insisted that our register wasn't broken, and we shouldn't refer to it as such. It was "non-functioning".

Is it better to say nothing or as little as possible? To praise their reasoning and suck up?
In my experience there comes a time when you have to put them in their place, but most of the time just let them be. The more you engage them the worse it gets sometimes and the more it encourages them to continue on. If you just let them do what they do and just walk away after it ends things, something many of those types of people just hate. They thrive on confrontations so why give it to them. They can dig their own hole and get trapped in it on their own without dragging you with them.
I'd say as little as possible Smile and then leave once cooler stuff comes.
Recognise that they are suffering greatly due to their ego and have compassion for them, silently wishing them well.
(01-21-2018, 01:54 PM)Tealeaf Wrote: [ -> ]This is one of the more touchy issues for me. I'm usually happy to go along, but sometimes I meet people who seem determined to make a scene. A good example right now is my manager. She always seems to be looking for a fight (and has gotten into a few with customers). She once insisted that our register wasn't broken, and we shouldn't refer to it as such. It was "non-functioning".

Is it better to say nothing or as little as possible? To praise their reasoning and suck up?

In a work relationship you'll sometimes have to bite your lip and suck it up, this would e the professional thing to do. It might be that you just can't do professional at the moment, try to keep yourself calm and not snap at them, reasoning with someone that's trying to have an argument will probably make them more angry, and arguing back gives them what they want.

Know that she is fucked up somehow, and you are the bigger person not lowering yourself out of foolish pride or anything else.

Joturbo

From personal experience say nothing ...keep your nose clean and think of the money.I confronted and complained about a manager when I was younger and the result was a friendly supportive manager becoming aggressive and piling work onto me...one of the reasons I left a secure job .My colleague/manager now is a complete fruitcake sometimes but as long as my workload doesn't get silly ,I'm enjoying the work and we are working well together I think of the money and opportunities that she brings to me.
Going to also agree on staying silent. If she’s looking for an argument and never seems to find one after a while, then she shouldn’t have any real reason to continue looking. Does anyone know why she is looking for an argument though? Finding that out might be another option, since it could give some clues as to what might might have caused her to search for arguments in the first place, and maybe even better ways to handle it.
I don't think I'm much of a good example, but I go in guns blazing with zero tact, when I get my fill. But the best and correctly assumed way is to stay silent on it and, when the kettle reaches boiling point, take boxing classes and knock the shiite out of your sparring partner.
I used to ask to speak to said person privately in a room and hash out our differences. Stopped doing that when at one workplace it turned into a fistfight with a 19 year old kid (still feel sorry about that).

So now I'm a good soldier. My boss says jump and I say "how high?". They like to feel in control and in power. Specially when they are really anything but.
I guess some people go on a power trip and try to show everyone they "mean business". It's all bullshit to me, mind games like that bore me. But from the sounds of it if you show them up or retaliate it could effect you in the near future, if she's happy to make a scene to prove a point she'll be happy to effect your work life as punishment (Though to me it's kind of bullying). So it really depends on what kind of person you are.

You could writing an anonymous letter of complaint to someone above her (If there is).
Well if it were me I'd just leave.. But then again I've left so many jobs because my bosses were power craving a-holes. I can't stand being around that toxicity and it isn't good for me either. I hope either something changes or something better pops up. Is there anyone above her you and a few other colleagues could talk to regarding her behaviour?
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