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ok so this is going to be a little bit of a rant...

ok, so i am more or less your average late teen early twenties lonely type that seems fairly common on this board. I have a few friends and im thankful for that, but i spend like 90% of my time alone, never do anything except for study, surf the web, and walk around smoking by myself. My only "girlfriend" was in 8th grade, and even that was really weird and i havent even been on a date since then.
Now, I know what i have to improve my life. everyone says the same thing; just put yourself out there, go talk to people and do things, join some clubs, etc etc. What sucks is that I dont think i am going to do any of that , most importantly because because i am such a fucking coward, and secondly, i am socially inept (read stupid) and deathly boring. Even if i was going to go socialize with people, i already know that it will be horribly awkward at best because i can never think of anything good to say and am stuck between saying something idiotic to just get it out there, and having everyone know what a shithead I am, or just saying nothing and having everyone ignore me. So i know, i know, practice makes perfect and with enough awkward situations and such eventually it woud get better. But that is the problem, i hate it so much that theres no way ill ever be able to force myself to do it enough for that to happen. Oh sure, maybe tonight i'll be like "ok im going to talk to that girl in my such and such class tommorrow if its the last fucking thing i do" but then tomorrow rolls around and i cant think of anything to say, so i doesn't seem like it matters that much anymore anyway so i never do. And the real problem is that i know talking to that one girl is going to do me any damn good anyway...I have to talk to lots of people, not just lonely looking girls, not just all girls, and not even jsut girls but just a buttload of social interaction. And knowing my incredibly difficulties starting a conversation or staying in a conversation with even just one person, that seems like its just fucking impossible.

hokay, so that was my angry rant for the day. I have to say, it may be pessimistic and self-pitying bull, but I feel much better now. Have a good day y'all.
Yeah I know how you feel, that was basically my life for 10 years and after a while people just stopped talking to me because I had no idea what to say and when to say it. So I just built a wall around me called 'Avoidance'.
If I had to start again I would work on it bit by bit but I don't have that chance anymore and don't have any avenues of social interaction at this point in time.

Before I used to go crazy because I had nothing to do and found that there were chat rooms on the internet as welll as forums, but now they are starting to bore me to tears which brings me back to the situation that I am in right now.

So great I get to spend the rest of my life just exisisting which I really see no point in, I have 2 friends that I talk to and they are friends from school but they live in another country ........... and I'm the one that always call them, one of my friends birthday was coming up and I wasn't going to call her, I was pissed off that she hadn't sent me an email for my birthday but in the end I gave in ............ she apologised for not sending anything and I let her know how mad I was.

So looks like there's two of us in the same situation and I totally know how you feel.
Yeah man I know exactly how you feel. I am praying that I meet someone when I get to college and if I don't when I go to college then I will probibally never meet anyone period. It severely depresses me too, but I just have to keep telling myself "True love will come to me one day." I still hope that that happens every day.

evanescencefan91

hey witash welcome to the forum

i'm sorry i'm pretty much in the same boat too, and i don't really have much advice. I guess sometime maybe even on the last day of school just say hi, i mean whats the worst that can happen, and it's better to go down in flames than to never have tried.

anyways welcome to the forum

*hugs*

Big Grin