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Full Version: Potentially broken up a couple?! Argh!
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I know this is the relationship section and whilst this isn't about me wanting a relationship, it is about a relationship.

I know I have some issues surrounding drink, or at least I did do, I've been sober for just over 3 weeks now and even more importantly I have no desire to drink anymore, I hit a really down spot which shocked me into wanting to be sober.

Anyways before I stopped drinking, just over a month ago, I went out for drinks with a few people from work. I was just about to leave that job anyway so it was just goodbye drinks with people, which turned very messy indeed. We were in the pub all night and so it was pretty drunken - as you can imagine. That night I was supposed to be going back to a friends house party, where a guy who I'd been seeing before (who treat me like shit) was going to be there. Stupidly for some drunken idiotic reason I asked a work friend to come with me to this party, so I didn't have to turn up alone.

It all sounds very innocent, then somehow we ended up kissing. And I went back to his house for drinks, after the party. We did NOT do anything though, we just stayed up drinking and chatting and kissing. He had told me he lived with his ex-girlfriend, and although he was so much more older than I, I was just a drunken silly girl trying to get over somebody else. I didn't see any harm in it, and I was too drunk to even remember most of it. I got a taxi home and that was that, nothing more - I haven't seen him again because I no longer work there, for me it was just an embarrassing drunken night - one which now I am sober I am glad will never happen again.

Anyhow I have just got off the phone, from a very angry girlfriend of this guy. She had found out that there had been a taxi from the house at 6am in the morning. And it wasn't his because he had said he had stayed in. She was actually at work that day. So it wasn't his ex girlfriend, they hadn't even broken up. She had a massive go at me, threatening me, she knows who I am apparently (though I don't know her) and she had rang the taxi firm up to ask where the taxi got delivered to (so god knows if she knows where I live). I understand she is angry, I would be too, I apologised and told her we only kissed, that as far as I knew he was single and lived with an EX girlfriend - and that we haven't spoke since - and that it was stupid drunkenness. But she was so angry, kept asking me so many questions that I honestly didn't know the answer to, it was over a month ago - I was drunk and stupid - and I feel terrible about it now. She kept saying if she found out I was lying she would make my life a living hell. I'm pretty freaked out.

To top it all off I heard a little girl in the background shouting mummy and she said she had to go because her daughter was there. Oh my god. He potentially has a daughter too?!

I feel absolutely awful. What the hell have I done?! I know technically it wasn't my entire fault because I didn't know he had a girlfriend or family, but even still, I feel so guilty.

I just needed to rant really, I feel so crap right now. And I don't deserve sympathy or pity or anything, probably just best to have a go at me too and tell me what a bitch I am. Gah!!!! Sad
It's not your fault if this guy mislead you.

It's a shame his GF doesn't see it that way, but it's the nature of these sort of situations sometimes.
I know that technically it isn't my fault; he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend; he had told me he lived with his ex girlfriend.

BUT - it still doesn't stop me from feeling awful about this. His girlfriend must be absolutely devastated. I would be if I'd found out that my boyfriend, who might potentially be a father, had a young girl at his home, whilst I was at work! I feel so sorry for her and no wonder she is mad at me!

It is horrible. I feel so dirty and ashamed and sick even. Why do I seem to always get myself into stupid situations, why can't I just keep myself to myself and not get involved with anyone. I am such an idiot. Grrrrr.
I haven't run across a cheater yet who doesn't minimize or out right lie about his relationship/marriage.

It is understandable that his girlfriend is upset. When that stuff happens to you, you are not usually too rational. Cheaters also tend to minimize and point fingers for their affairs. Who knows what he is telling his girlfriend.

You had no way of knowing, and you were lied to. You were deceived. You tried to explain things to the girlfriend. The fact that it upset you shows that it is not something that you would have done knowingly.

Don't blame yourself. You were deceived by a lying asshole.

cheaptrickfan

You're an easy target for the GF because it's easier to think of you as some home-wrecking whore to pin the blame on than take a hard look at the reality of her relationship. It's harsh awakening to realize that one's partner is a deceitful dick, and if there is a child in the equation, it can make it seem like an even bigger betrayal.

I agree with Minus: It's not your fault that you were deceived by a lying asshole. Don't second-guess yourself.
Good idea to stop drinking - it will prevent situations like this happening in the future (and it could have been a lot worse). Don't beat yourself up about it.

Sure she's upset but she has no right to harass you. If she does decide to make your life a living hell just remember there are laws about that kind of thing.
I know all of this, but what if it were I who kissed him first? I honestly don't even remember that night. I was a drunken mess, as the story with most of my life, but I know that isn't an excuse. I don't know why I would have kissed him, I was just as shocked about it when I sobered up that it had happened at all.

I might have ruined a family...all because of my drunken stupidness and sluttyness. Surely any man who'd had a skinful who gets hit on by a drunken girl, 20 years younger, in a short skirt and fishnet tights would go for it? Oh my god, I really hope this isn't how it happened, I really do. Fuck. But what if it was? Oh my god, what the hell have I done, I can't get that little kids voice out of my head now.

Luna

It's not your fault - how were you to know?

The man is the one in a relationship; he should know better than to cross that line.

Personally, I don't understand women that shift the blame the "other person" especially when the third-party was not aware of their relationship to begin with.

I believe that she should kick HIS ass outside to the pouring rain.

cheaptrickfan

(05-03-2010, 11:57 PM)kelbo Wrote: [ -> ]I know all of this, but what if it were I who kissed him first? I honestly don't even remember that night.

Um, no. Even if you kissed him first, if he were really dedicated to his GF, he'd have resisted.


(05-03-2010, 11:57 PM)kelbo Wrote: [ -> ]Surely any man who'd had a skinful who gets hit on by a drunken girl, 20 years younger, in a short skirt and fishnet tights would go for it?


Bullshit. He shouldn't have allowed himself to be in that position if he knew he was unable to resist temptation. I'm rightly sick of people blaming their animal nature 100% for their actions.

Yeah we're animals, but we are animals with a brain and an awareness of the consequences of our actions. To blame our actions on hormones is just a fucking cop-out as far as I am concerned. HOWEVER, blaming alcohol is right on the money as far as diminished judgment goes. Still, he wasn't drunk when he took that first drink, was he? He should have known that this was a potential consequence.

This is precisely why I am very careful about where and with whom I drink.
Yeah you are right, he should have been honest about his relationship and he shouldn't have kissed me, or invited me back to his. People can restrain themselves and always say no.

Though I still feel like the one to blame; if I wasn't a drunken slag then it wouldn't have happened. I keep thinking of that poor little girl, if it breaks up the family or something. I feel so guilty and sick.

I know that my drinking has caused me a number of problems for myself, but to potentially break up someones family? That is just a little too much for me to bear.
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