Being forever single

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BlueRaven

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Has anyone else realised that meeting someone and finding that special person to form a life with, for whatever reason is applicable to your situation, is probably just not going to happen for you? Like, sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people and I'm starting to realise that I'm probably going to be one of those people :(
 
Perhaps it doesn't happen for everyone. But it does happen. For some of us, it doesn't last as long as we think. Some of us don't get a happily ever after forever. It does happen, though. You just can't defeat the idea before you get to that part of your story.
 
People come & go throughout a lifetime....hold everything loosely.
NO heartbreaks is a hidden blessing when alone.
Hobbies & sports might put you closer to others.
Focus on all you do have.
 
I require a very special person. And, well, most people aren't all that special. So, I'm stuck with myself. :)
I didn't realize how unimportant most people are to me until I lost my guy. I know that sounds so mean and probably doesn't make sense, but I know what I'm trying to say. I will never claim my relationship was perfect, but for anyone else to ever attempt to step into my life, they need to truly understand what they'll be compared to.
 
I didn't realize how unimportant most people are to me until I lost my guy. I know that sounds so mean and probably doesn't make sense, but I know what I'm trying to say. I will never claim my relationship was perfect, but for anyone else to ever attempt to step into my life, they need to truly understand what they'll be compared to.
Honestly, I am surprised I wasn't struck down because of how much I worshipped my ex, I feel guilty considering life without him... I truly do. This post just put into words how I feel.
 
Has anyone else realised that meeting someone and finding that special person to form a life with, for whatever reason is applicable to your situation, is probably just not going to happen for you? Like, sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people and I'm starting to realise that I'm probably going to be one of those people :(
Maybe relying too much on sheer luck doesn't work?
I don't know what your age is, or your gender, but if you think about it: when you're 16 the chances of meeting someone single are very high.
When you're 50 that is a lot less likely, most people you will meet and who would be interested in you for a relationship are probably married or in a serious relationship.
Also, you tend to lose flexibility, a 16 year old can more easily adapt to a new partner, if you're 50 you have probably developed your character, so you do not want to adapt everything for the new partner anymore.
Also, if you find that you lack courage -as I do- you might meet new people that could become special, but you don't dare to take the initiative.
I find it hard to believe that there would be only a couple of people that could be a real match for you, but you have to give it a chance.
 
Honestly, I am surprised I wasn't struck down because of how much I worshipped my ex, I feel guilty considering life without him... I truly do. This post just put into words how I feel.
For me, I realized that Jeremy taught me so much when he didn't have to. That's what relationships should be about. It's more than simply being with someone. Family is one thing; You're kind of supposed to learn from them. But when you gain people in your life that don't have to do anything for you, and they do, that's special. I know I have my group of friends there for me, but it's still not the same.
 
Absolutely. I'm a few weeks away from turning 35 and I've never so much as been on a date. I reached the conclusion quite some time ago, that I'm too far behind to catch up.
 
Absolutely. I'm a few weeks away from turning 35 and I've never so much as been on a date. I reached the conclusion quite some time ago, that I'm too far behind to catch up.
And when you're 45 things will be even worse.
I think you can still catch up, besides, you only need one special person to like you.
 
Nikola Tesla was a bachelour his whole life...

At any rate, it ain't over till it's over.

There are people who are in their teens who think they don't have enough time left for what they consider to be important; and there are people in their 80's, doing the things they didn't do, and falling in love all over again...

I had a friend who had a virtual boyfriend on her phone lol... Imagine how that tech will progress in 20 years...
 
And when you're 45 things will be even worse.
I think you can still catch up, besides, you only need one special person to like you.
45 is getting to 'old people' territory where having kids is no longer feasible and a big drive is gone. Unless he's the type who can pull a younger woman.. which, let's be honest. Mid 30s there would still be hope for that and maybe something close to the younger adult experiences that were missed. This isn't a great situation though. It is well past a late bloomer problem at that point. It's a serious mental barrier, as well as a red flag for many. A fully grown man with less romantic experience than an average 19 yo will struggle to come across normally to a potential partner. He'll need to develop a thick skin.
 
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There is nothing wrong with being forever single. I wish I had whole planet for myself, me being only human being on it. <3
Nothing wrong with it if it is by choice.
If it is because you feel you've missed too many chances, or because you have a lack of self-confidence or any other negative reason, then it is not something to look up to.
 
It can be hard to look past that imperative human nature, that need to be accepted, and loved, and see that it's not necessarily anything inherently wrong within the self. Especially not when human nature is in itself the duality of fear of the unknown, xenophobia as a defense mechanism, and needing to belong and related to.
If I could say one thing, to every person on the planet. It's that you're not any less of a miracle than those with what you perceive as having all that you would call success.
 
Life is a highway. Until you run out of gas, no one can know what lies for you down the road. Only way you don't find anything, is by not stopping when you see something. That's my piece
 
Usually, I play What's The Catch with my attraction to someone:
It's where I find myself attracted to someone but instead of jumping the initiative, I wait, and see what the catch is. It's important to get to know someone first for this exact reason. Because you can absolutely be attracted to someone that isn't a good match for you, in fact it happens all the time and is usually quite tragically disastrous.
So to avoid all of that, I wait it out for a good long while.
More often times than not, I'm gonna say 7/10 times, for me at least, that what I think is a good idea, definitely is not a good idea, and it just seems like it is at the time.
"It seemed like a good idea at the time," yeah, I don't wanna be that guy. I'm tired of being that guy.
 
Yep. I mean, I guess I have felt for a while now that I won’t meet anyone on my own, it won’t happen “one day when I you least expect it”. Even my current therapist says that after all I have tried over the years, that what I really need is to have someone introduce me to someone. But I don’t even have that friend. I’m 46, and really, nobody has ever been genuinely interested in me, nothing has ever happened, and the more I try to make it happen, the further away it seems to get … and like I said, if I just put myself out there, I never get seen.
 
Has anyone else realised that meeting someone and finding that special person to form a life with, for whatever reason is applicable to your situation, is probably just not going to happen for you? Like, sometimes it just doesn't happen for some people and I'm starting to realise that I'm probably going to be one of those people :(
I used to.
But the truth is a bit different.
Over years of observation and experiences, from both sides, I have tried to bring some clarity about how things really work.

> There can't be any 'ideal' one. As in, when you imagine your potential partner, you fantasize about certain 'pleasant' things about them. But they also come with certain 'unpleasant' things, since they're mere flawed humans. The more fantasies you had, the more disappointed you will be. This is because you fell into the false belief that she is something 'more' or 'above' than others. You put her on a pedestal. In reality, she's as human as the old homeless man that we see everyday. Both have the exact same intrinsic value, only different social values. She is not really 'special'.

The original idea of 'romantic love' was actually supposed to be towards God (the ideal) that they believed in. It was diverted towards a life partner in the later years. People before that, didn't fall in love for a person, they got married and raised a family. This still holds true for people living in tribes and also for the rest of the animal kingdom.

> If she's not 'special', what is it that I see all around? People finding partners and being totally fulfilled with it? They must have found the 'special' that I am denying the existence of..?
Well, this is the defining factor. It was the hardest thing I ever learned:

***The feeling of great admiration towards someone, is YOUR emotion and has more to do with yourself than the other. The chance of experiencing this emotion lies on YOUR perceptions about life. If you have a positive outlook on life, people, etc. then you will get that feeling.***

If you have some sort of grudge, regret, hatred, envy, etc. you won't get to experience that feeling. You will miss out. You will find flaws. You will accentuate their flaws.

For instance, consider someone who never got any partner. He started hating women for that. He then worked on improving himself for years, and became 'eligible' for a lot of women. But if he did this out of hatred, even though he could still get a partner, he won't feel that she's 'special'. I mean, he won't 'fall in love' .

Getting a partner is not that hard, not saying it is easy either. But what's more important is what you feel about her. And what you feel about her will be a reflection of what you feel about your life in general.

So think deeply on what you want, and take the direction accordingly.
 
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