When did "ghosting" become acceptable?

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Diogenes

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Is it a generational thing?

I'm single, live alone, on a tight budget. I often see recipes I'd like to try, but the stakes are high.
Most recipes are for multiple servings and can't be easily scaled down. Investing in ingredients, cooking, cleaning, then
maybe stuck with something I don't like.

This was before covid. I placed an ad online looking for similar persons with a proposal.
Each person would choose a dish that was new to them to prepare and bring, and we would meet to share the results. A pot luck dinner.
I got several positive and friendly replies. I then sent everyone an email, asking them to please name a couple dates
in the near future when they could commit to attend. I'd then set a date with maximum overlap.

This was universally met with deafening silence.

No one replied to any follow up messages either. Can anyone account for this? Sure, most folks have busy lives,
but has the entire concept of making a commitment to show up vanished from our society?
 
To the last question, I think the answer is a resounding yes. I'll admit that, for something like that, I'd sort of fear I would miss the engagement for whatever reason. So, I'd just not respond. I'd rather not respond, than promise to commit, and then fail to honor my commitment. I'm not defending that position, just stating it.

Although, placing an ad online, to have a bunch of people who've never met before, enjoy a potluck dinner, doesn't sound a very, 'sound,' way, of getting such a thing off the ground. I think dinner gatherings are usually, 'not always mind you,' something shared between people who have already established a bit of a connection.

I know the generation before me, would gladly roast me over the fire for many of my misgivings and failures, and I too, look at the generations coming up, and think to myself, 'and the older one's think _my_ generation is bad!'

So, yes and yes. I think we all have to just adapt a bit more, or something... Perhaps work a shift at a local soup kitchen, and have a meal with the guests?

I think we collectively, are all a bit lonely, angry, and isolated these days; so, it's tough to find that unifying person, place, idea, or situation, that can help bring down the walls and pulls us together a bit.

And if we want to be that type of person, I think we need to keep trying, and try not to get discouraged; but, also know when to cut our losses and keep moving, so the discouragement doesn't stop us all-together.

(also, the word, 'ghosting,' hasn't even existed in the popular vernacular for more than a few years, so, it would be my guess it's clearly a word that has come to prominence through the up and coming, newer generations. Ignoring some one, not showing up, being indifferent, not responding, disappearing, abandoning some one or some place or some cause, are not 'new phenomena,' or anything; but, the word, 'ghosting,' itself, as a word, is quite new, heh. *shakes fist at those youngin's* (j/k))
 
To the last question, I think the answer is a resounding yes. I'll admit that, for something like that, I'd sort of fear I would miss the engagement for whatever reason. So, I'd just not respond. I'd rather not respond, than promise to commit, and then fail to honor my commitment. I'm not defending that position, just stating it.

Although, placing an ad online, to have a bunch of people who've never met before, enjoy a potluck dinner, doesn't sound a very, 'sound,' way, of getting such a thing off the ground. I think dinner gatherings are usually, 'not always mind you,' something shared between people who have already established a bit of a connection.

I know the generation before me, would gladly roast me over the fire for many of my misgivings and failures, and I too, look at the generations coming up, and think to myself, 'and the older one's think _my_ generation is bad!'

So, yes and yes. I think we all have to just adapt a bit more, or something... Perhaps work a shift at a local soup kitchen, and have a meal with the guests?

I think we collectively, are all a bit lonely, angry, and isolated these days; so, it's tough to find that unifying person, place, idea, or situation, that can help bring down the walls and pulls us together a bit.

And if we want to be that type of person, I think we need to keep trying, and try not to get discouraged; but, also know when to cut our losses and keep moving, so the discouragement doesn't stop us all-together.

(also, the word, 'ghosting,' hasn't even existed in the popular vernacular for more than a few years, so, it would be my guess it's clearly a word that has come to prominence through the up and coming, newer generations. Ignoring some one, not showing up, being indifferent, not responding, disappearing, abandoning some one or some place or some cause, are not 'new phenomena,' or anything; but, the word, 'ghosting,' itself, as a word, is quite new, heh. *shakes fist at those youngin's* (j/k))

Thank you for the response. It was my presumption that we all had things in common.
Single, tired of cooking for one, tired of risking time and money on tempting recipes that turned out not so great.
Certainly the initial replies were enthusiastic. Everyone was sick of paying a fortune to eat in restaurants or else have to do all the work themselves.

I'm really not aware of any epidemic of rape, murder and kidnapping of women, but it's been my perception that many/most women live in a state of constant fear and apprehension of strangers.

I have a female friend who lives in a rural area. She is religious and conservative, and I am not. She is twice divorced, and single, and has often requested that I attend events such as a class reunion or a wedding, as her escort.

I really don't get it. If a woman shows up to an event alone, what precise negative thing happens? Do the other women attack her with knives and try to kill her?

Once my friend visited me in the city, parked next to my building on the street, and was walking it. It was maybe 7 PM. I got a panicked call....."There's a MAN walking behind me!"

Uh, yeah. It's a sidewalk, it's a city full of people. Some of them are men. So what?
From then on, I came down and walked her in, but my point is this. I looked at a crime map of my neighborhood, and compared it to her rural area. More violent crime there than in my home.

Many years ago, I discovered something new. Evidently, young people say "yes" to every invitation, then on the night in question, decide which commitment to keep, what event to attend. They don't call, they don't feel any shame or responsibility.

I suppose this could be laid at the feet of the generation that enacted downsizing and displayed constant betrayal. All parents get divorced, all jobs will eventually fire you, everyone cheats sexually, all polititians do nothing but lie cheat and steal, you have to grab what you can get now, because nothing lasts.






My ex girlfriend has vehemently stated that my idea was idiotic, that no sane woman would ever attend a party full of total strangers......really? You're that much a child? You have to have your hand held through your entire life?

I'm an ectomorph. what many would call a wimp. My ex girlfriend could kick my ass, easily. Yet I am a potential abuser, rapist and murderer, simply because I have a penis.
She is a perpetual victim, simply because she has a vagina.
 
Not completely relatable, but I have a couple stories I feel on the same topic.

I held a birthday party for my oldest and had an RSVP to either email or text. I had 5 parents RSVP, yet 20 showed up. I had plenty of food for all the kids and parents (I am Italian descent, I feed people). The party was perfectly fun (but I had to use my 6 back up party favors and I think a couple kids didn't get any). So not sure why no one felt the need to RSVP when the invite gave them two options to do so... I am in my early 30s and the parents are in 30-40s.

I have a friend in her late 30s who is absolutely paralyzed by commitment. If we do a mom's night out, she cannot commit to a date. This make it difficult since I need child care. It is a running joke that she may or may not show up to an outing; but I believe that it has become more rude than anything else. I understand mental hardships, but I am lacking understanding when I see she has no desire to change when it can cause so much pain to her loved ones.





Your sudden comments about women being terrified of men is confusing to me. As someone who has been raped, I can only talk about my experience... I find that strangers do not scare me. I am fearful of the man who was close enough to me that I trusted. I was also surprised how weak I was in my fight when I thought the man I trusted wasn't as strong as me. I am not a victim. I am a strong person. I also find my interests in more of a male dominated world (chess, Magic the gathering, video games), and usually those events can cause me to be a lone female in the group. Those events do not make me nervous. I do wonder if my rapist hadn't been a close family member, if strangers would scare me.
 
Thank you for the response. It was my presumption that we all had things in common.
Single, tired of cooking for one, tired of risking time and money on tempting recipes that turned out not so great.
Certainly the initial replies were enthusiastic. Everyone was sick of paying a fortune to eat in restaurants or else have to do all the work themselves.

I'm really not aware of any epidemic of rape, murder and kidnapping of women, but it's been my perception that many/most women live in a state of constant fear and apprehension of strangers.

I have a female friend who lives in a rural area. She is religious and conservative, and I am not. She is twice divorced, and single, and has often requested that I attend events such as a class reunion or a wedding, as her escort.

I really don't get it. If a woman shows up to an event alone, what precise negative thing happens? Do the other women attack her with knives and try to kill her?

Once my friend visited me in the city, parked next to my building on the street, and was walking it. It was maybe 7 PM. I got a panicked call....."There's a MAN walking behind me!"

Uh, yeah. It's a sidewalk, it's a city full of people. Some of them are men. So what?
From then on, I came down and walked her in, but my point is this. I looked at a crime map of my neighborhood, and compared it to her rural area. More violent crime there than in my home.

Many years ago, I discovered something new. Evidently, young people say "yes" to every invitation, then on the night in question, decide which commitment to keep, what event to attend. They don't call, they don't feel any shame or responsibility.

I suppose this could be laid at the feet of the generation that enacted downsizing and displayed constant betrayal. All parents get divorced, all jobs will eventually fire you, everyone cheats sexually, all polititians do nothing but lie cheat and steal, you have to grab what you can get now, because nothing lasts.






My ex girlfriend has vehemently stated that my idea was idiotic, that no sane woman would ever attend a party full of total strangers......really? You're that much a child? You have to have your hand held through your entire life?

I'm an ectomorph. what many would call a wimp. My ex girlfriend could kick my ass, easily. Yet I am a potential abuser, rapist and murderer, simply because I have a penis.
She is a perpetual victim, simply because she has a vagina.

Thank you for the response. It was my presumption that we all had things in common.
Single, tired of cooking for one, tired of risking time and money on tempting recipes that turned out not so great.
Certainly the initial replies were enthusiastic. Everyone was sick of paying a fortune to eat in restaurants or else have to do all the work themselves.

I'm really not aware of any epidemic of rape, murder and kidnapping of women, but it's been my perception that many/most women live in a state of constant fear and apprehension of strangers.

I have a female friend who lives in a rural area. She is religious and conservative, and I am not. She is twice divorced, and single, and has often requested that I attend events such as a class reunion or a wedding, as her escort.

I really don't get it. If a woman shows up to an event alone, what precise negative thing happens? Do the other women attack her with knives and try to kill her?

Once my friend visited me in the city, parked next to my building on the street, and was walking it. It was maybe 7 PM. I got a panicked call....."There's a MAN walking behind me!"

Uh, yeah. It's a sidewalk, it's a city full of people. Some of them are men. So what?
From then on, I came down and walked her in, but my point is this. I looked at a crime map of my neighborhood, and compared it to her rural area. More violent crime there than in my home.

Many years ago, I discovered something new. Evidently, young people say "yes" to every invitation, then on the night in question, decide which commitment to keep, what event to attend. They don't call, they don't feel any shame or responsibility.

I suppose this could be laid at the feet of the generation that enacted downsizing and displayed constant betrayal. All parents get divorced, all jobs will eventually fire you, everyone cheats sexually, all polititians do nothing but lie cheat and steal, you have to grab what you can get now, because nothing lasts.






My ex girlfriend has vehemently stated that my idea was idiotic, that no sane woman would ever attend a party full of total strangers......really? You're that much a child? You have to have your hand held through your entire life?

I'm an ectomorph. what many would call a wimp. My ex girlfriend could kick my ass, easily. Yet I am a potential abuser, rapist and murderer, simply because I have a penis.
She is a perpetual victim, simply because she has a vagina.

Thank you for your feedback. I am also a rape victim, molested by my sister when I was a child. Your experience illustrates something many people choose not to accept.

The persons with the greatest potential to harm us are those close to us, those whom we trust. The family priest who ends up sodomizing your altar boy son, for example. The truly evil sociopaths know how to cover up their tracks. At work. In the neighborhood. The ones that are getting away with it, day after day, right under your nose. Those should be feared, not the "obvious" threats.

I attended a casual gaming group via Meetup.com, held in a large office meeting room.
I didn't know anyone attending. The hostess got permission to use the space over the weekend while the place was empty. When I arrived, I noticed that the group quickly broke off into cliques of people who already knew each other at tables to play games. It wasn't an inviting atmosphere.

I mention this as it touches upon what I perceive as your experience with that party. There are no common standards of social behavior any more. No manners. To my way of thinking, the hostess of that group had an obligation to make certain no one was "shut out" that everyone was engaged.

At one table sat four twentysomething young ladies, glancing around nervously, with no game in front of them. I'll never know the facts, but I'm convinced my guess was accurate: They had been invited by the hostess in order to pump up her numbers and her ego. "Come, try it out, gaming is fun!" They didn't have the first clue what a Eurogame is. Their idea of a game was maybe Pictionary or Monopoly.

Fortunately, I'd brought an unconventional game with me that I consider very "light weight". Museum Caper Clue. I'm not an attractive man, but I do have a great voice, and some acting talent. I approached, and in my best "game show host" manner, proposed to teach them the game. Apprehensive but without any other alternative, they agreed.

This game puts the players into the role of detectives inside a fine art museum at night. One player takes the role of a burglar who breaks in to get the art, and the others attempt to apprehend them. The game plays briskly, and it's easy for everyone to get a turn at the
fun role of burglar. As we played, I teased and cajoled and urged on the players. Soon the girls were giggling and having a great time.

Eventually, some of the clique snobs at other tables took breaks and stood around our table, curious and eager to get in on the fun. "Where can I buy this game, " one snob asked. "You can't, I replied. It's out of print. I got this copy at a thrift store."
(which was true)

When the snobs wanted to play, I turned to the girls, and asked, "What do you say ladies? Want to quit playing, want me to leave?" they got the message, smirked and said no. We were not so subtly telling the clique snobs to go fresia themselves. It was a good day.

I have no problem whatsoever with a MeetUp.com group restricting membership, but this event was "open to anyone". What I object to is the hostess choosing to abandon her obligation to make everyone feel included, especially novices.
 
Since people lost touch with themselves they are as such not in touch with anyone else, either. It's a problem with understanding connectivity, or the lack thereof.
 
they are as such not in touch with anyone else
Isn't it funny that AT&T's slogan once upon a time was "reach out and touch someone" with means of telephone communication, and now, given the "great advances" they have made with said technology, the opposite has actually happened.
With all the means of communication these days, people actually talk-less. I.e. Preferring to text people over actual phone calls, or just flat out "ghosting" i.e. Ignoring others.
 
... I placed an ad online looking ...
This is why.

The internet makes it easy for people to do this kind of thing. The other thing is that a lot of people talk the talk but fail to walk the walk meaning people will say they're going to do something but then not actually do it, weather it's too much effort, or they change their mind, or just can't be arsed. Whatever the case it's so easy to simply ignore people for ANY reason without much regard.

I've said it times before but even though we're all connected we're actually disconnected.
 
I don't think ghosting is ever acceptable. It is just another word for rudeness.
 
Ghosted someone I honestly thought through all the pettiness really saw me... but they didn't, hurt so much I didn't wanna say goodbye just wanted them gone. Wish I said goodbye though, and told them how much they hurt me.
 

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