being aggressively assertive

[theablekingathelstan]

Ok,

1. they would have had a reason, you screamed at an employee. They should have refunded you for your ticket and kicked you out.

2. I don't understand why this (troll's advocate) non fictional person would have purposefully "tried to embarrass you". Did you know her? Most people in customer service aren't going to deliberately try to offend some one, especially not face to face. Are you sure you didn't read into it because of honeysuckle that you say you went through in the past?

3. standing by your acts here... isn't a strong platform for not being a troll. You've repeatedly made crap up whenever you feel cornered or agitated by some one's argument. You've even accused a mod of "plotting against you". So... yeah pretty weak.

and yes, the mod in question does have an agenda. he singles me out but then lets others do the same. only cos of morals his church told him. i laugh at the fact he thinks him disliking me causes me bother. it genuinely doesn't.

 

[TheRealCallie]

and yes, the mod in question does have an agenda. he singles me out but then lets others do the same. only cos of morals his church told him. i laugh at the fact he thinks him disliking me causes me bother. it genuinely doesn't.

Considering how much you bring it up and how you make everyone into a church going hitler, I'd say it does bother you.

Or in other words....

 

[TheSkaFish]

Anyway:

well you all hate the material, like it or not, it's how people behave.

Actually no it isn't. This is how people behave who lack self-awareness and maturity, who have delusions of grandeur, or who have some kind of mental illness. Or it's how children behave, who haven't learned not to behave this way yet. But this isn't how the average adult would behave in that situation. Most would be able to assertively, yet still calmly, tell the staff that they missed you with the free ice cream and ask if they could give you one. And they would probably give you one then and there without any trouble. In shouting at the person, all you did was needlessly escalate the situation, and embarrass yourself.

I still don't understand how this person specifically did this to embarrass you. I feel like that is a huge leap in assumption on your part. Maybe you felt it was similar to something that happened to you before, but the chances that it was done specifically to humiliate you are very unlikely.

or said manager can train their staff better. either way, they got what they deserved.

I know I'm wasting my breath here, but there's a difference between assertiveness and just bullying people, and that difference is big enough that these two things shouldn't be that easy to confuse. It's possible, and maybe even more effective, to be assertive in a calm way, rather than yelling at someone like a psycho. And also, while the staff has a duty to attend to the customers, that duty doesn't extend to include taking abuse, and it doesn't give customers the right to treat the staff abusively, which you definitely did. They are not your slaves. And if you're going to behave like this then I agree with others who say you should be blacklisted from businesses where you abuse the staff.

You talk a lot about people being owed this, and not owed that. And that's what determines who has a right to what and who doesn't. But have you ever stopped to think that you owe people the right to be treated with common decency? Because you do, the same as the rest of us. It might not be the letter of the law, but it's a big part of what keeps civilization functioning.

 

[TheSkaFish]

A few were shocked others didn’t give a honeysuckle and went on their way.

Also consider that so far, you've just gotten lucky. The next time you subject someone to abuse like this, a bystander who is bigger and meaner than you, might intervene on their behalf.

 

[user 176211]

I've found being aggressively assertive works well for me at times.
I think it's compensating for points when I was a youth. Back then I didn't really stand for my ground that well, and now it's about doing what I can or shold have done.

There are couple of instances lately where I have done this. the first was when I was seeing the new James Bond film. The worker there was giving out free ice creams for everybody who bought a ticket, and was moving down the queue before the film started. She missed me out, but didn't ignore the people immediately in front and behind me. I just let her have it and I shouted at her, and I didn't care how it looked. She looked at me really shocked, but i didn't care. she was deliberately trying to embarrass me when I didn't do anything wrong at all. I was a paying customer, and she deserved everything she got. I dont' care if it was unkind - was it? being "unkind" is arbitrarily denying somebody a service somebody is legally entitled to. If a person orders food in a restaurant, and they don't get the order, this is unethical. It's just basic business ethics and legality.

I feel better doing this, since it means I stand up for myself better.

I see.

Maybe try to look at it from this perspective: You never know what is going on in someone's mind. Everyone is living in a completely different world. So imagine that the person you yelled at was having a bad day. That person doesn't get paid a whole lot of money to put up with that kind of stuff to begin with.
Now try to think about every time you ever had a bad experience in your past and how you felt when you went home. I bet you felt pretty crummy, even when you went home to be by yourself in your safe place. I am also willing to bet that you couldn't stop thinking about the incident that made you feel terrible.

Now imagine that worker that you gave a hard time for what very well may have made a simple and honest mistake. You very would could have made that person feel the same exact way... over an ice cream.

Its okay to learn about yourself and correct your behaviors so that you don't get taken advantage of in the past. You just have to be careful that it doesn't turn you into the very person/thing that made you feel bad to begin with. I hope that you didn't cause any undue anxiety to that person.

There is a huge difference between standing up for yourself, and becoming the bully. Often times, its hard to tell the difference.

 

[user 176211]

Also consider that so far, you've just gotten lucky. The next time you subject someone to abuse like this, a bystander who is bigger and meaner than you, might intervene on their behalf.

I agree with this. Where I am from, something like this could very well get someone assaulted, whether they are dealing with an employee or not.

 

[ardour]

I see.

Maybe try to look at it from this perspective: You never know what is going on in someone's mind. Everyone is living in a completely different world. So imagine that the person you yelled at was having a bad day. That person doesn't get paid a whole lot of money to put up with that kind of stuff to begin with.
Now try to think about every time you ever had a bad experience in your past and how you felt when you went home. I bet you felt pretty crummy, even when you went home to be by yourself in your safe place. I am also willing to bet that you couldn't stop thinking about the incident that made you feel terrible.

Now imagine that worker that you gave a hard time for what very well may have made a simple and honest mistake. You very would could have made that person feel the same exact way... over an ice cream.

Its okay to learn about yourself and correct your behaviors so that you don't get taken advantage of in the past. You just have to be careful that it doesn't turn you into the very person/thing that made you feel bad to begin with. I hope that you didn't cause any undue anxiety to that person.

There is a huge difference between standing up for yourself, and becoming the bully. Often times, its hard to tell the difference.

This isn't going to do anything, sadly, because you may as well be responding to a stuffed animal. Everything is about him, every perceived personal slight a serious grievance. And he has a history of venting frustration at service staff.

 

[TheSkaFish]

As far as self-awareness goes you may as well be responding to a stuffed animal. Everything is about him, every minor annoyance a personal slight of the most serious nature. And he has a history of venting frustration at service staff.

He's got it bad, bad, bad. He's hot for Nietzsche.

 

[user 176211]

This isn't going to do anything, sadly, because you may as well be responding to a stuffed animal. Everything is about him, every minor annoyance a personal slight of the most serious nature. And he has a history of venting frustration at service staff.

Oh, I kind of gathered that. I just felt like I had to do SOMETHING to try to keep someone from getting assaulted.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Oh, I kind of gathered that. I just felt like I had to do SOMETHING to try to keep someone from getting assaulted.

Nah...I think it's OK to just let this situation play out naturally. You might actually be MORE of a hero for doing so.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I see.

Maybe try to look at it from this perspective: You never know what is going on in someone's mind. Everyone is living in a completely different world. So imagine that the person you yelled at was having a bad day. That person doesn't get paid a whole lot of money to put up with that kind of stuff to begin with.
Now try to think about every time you ever had a bad experience in your past and how you felt when you went home. I bet you felt pretty crummy, even when you went home to be by yourself in your safe place. I am also willing to bet that you couldn't stop thinking about the incident that made you feel terrible.

Now imagine that worker that you gave a hard time for what very well may have made a simple and honest mistake. You very would could have made that person feel the same exact way... over an ice cream.

Its okay to learn about yourself and correct your behaviors so that you don't get taken advantage of in the past. You just have to be careful that it doesn't turn you into the very person/thing that made you feel bad to begin with. I hope that you didn't cause any undue anxiety to that person.

There is a huge difference between standing up for yourself, and becoming the bully. Often times, its hard to tell the difference.

This is good advice, and a thoughtful post, but unfortunately it will go to waste on deaf ears. This guy isn't going to learn anything until he gets his ass beat, or finds himself getting hauled off to jail for harassing people. I've met several people like this over the course of my life. A superior show of force is the only thing they understand.

Most likely he sizes up his marks ahead of time, and picks targets that aren't physically strong, or are too timid to fight back. But like I said, that doesn't factor in the bystanders, who might be more of the fighting sort, and not content to allow someone to bully others in their presence.

 

[randomguy]

Just to add to the advice for deaf ears, while often confused, the biggest difference between aggressive and assertive communication is that assertiveness includes respect for yourself and the other party, while aggressive communication quickly disrespects and often insults the other party

 

[theablekingathelstan]

Ok so people don’t have to follow professional standards. I wont be excluded for no reason the fact she ignored me is based on her own inner bad work as to be fair I dont care if I caused her at anxiety. She tried to mess with me so get am I to blame? She should take her staked in the situation and it blame another when she had a stake in it. I just think ardour is offended somebody is at his perceived life level. He probably has some false superiority complex and reckons all other people dote to him. Hence his insistence here since it’s not really how people engage. It’s why he despises others posting in non serious ways when he didn’t get most human communication isn’t serious or deep. He’s offended since likes to have a scapegoat in life he can suppress based on his kind persona I’m ten times kinder than he is. As for jail no chance since shouting at people isn’t illegal per se in my country. I hold the right to defend myself as all humans do.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

This is good advice, and a thoughtful post, but unfortunately it will go to waste on deaf ears. This guy isn't going to learn anything until he gets his ass beat, or finds himself getting hauled off to jail for harassing people. I've met several people like this over the course of my life. A superior show of force is the only thing they understand.

Most likely he sizes up his marks ahead of time, and picks targets that aren't physically strong, or are too timid to fight back. But like I said, that doesn't factor in the bystanders, who might be more of the fighting sort, and not content to allow someone to bully others in their presence.

I don’t allow anybody to undermine me sbd I don’t select either. Maybe you’re prihdctibg since you reckon you’re above rules or something.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

You want a scapegoat to reduce. Are you really a kind person?

 

[ardour]

This is your topic. You created it, looking for opinions, and you got them.

Look...you're mentally ill. Nobody except you cares about being King of The Hill on a forum for lonely rejected people. Everything is a competition for you isn't it, every little interaction. At a guess that's probably why you have problems relating to people. Even I can see that.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

This is your topic. You created it, looking for opinions, and you got them. Look.... bro, you're mentally ill. Nobody except for you cares about being 'king of the hill' on a forum for lonely people. Everything is a competition for you isn't it. At a guess that's probably why you have problems relating to people. Even I can see that.

No that’s your own inner issues relating. Not everything is competition and this proves my prior point. You are upset a fellow person is ding his thing and your church taught you morals that I’m challenging. It’s your psychology

 

[ardour]

My bad then.

 

[theablekingathelstan]

Mentally normal people don’t need scapegoats to make themselves feel good in life. I don’t. I go by the actual book not my own personal beliefs. I like how you assume others cannot defend themselves. That’s bursting on sociopathy.

 

[Sarah G]

Nobody except you cares about being King of The Hill on a forum for lonely rejected people.

Let's not be hasty, I didn't know this was an option.