Should i go back to her?

[Sunless Sky]

I would reach out.  She might not have contacted you because she might think you don't want her to. 

No matter what you were friends, and sound like a good one to her, reaching out to say Hello is ok, if you have no expectation.  You might always wonder if you don't.

So that's another one for yes. Interesting. 

Yeah I guess reaching out with no expectations means less pain if things go south. Thank you for your opinion serenia.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I would reach out.  She might not have contacted you because she might think you don't want her to. 

No matter what you were friends, and sound like a good one to her, reaching out to say Hello is ok, if you have no expectation.  You might always wonder if you don't.

So that's another one for yes. Interesting. 

Yeah I guess reaching out with no expectations means less pain if things go south. Thank you for your opinion serenia.

Can you do that though?  Reach out without any expectations?

 

[Sunless Sky]

I would reach out.  She might not have contacted you because she might think you don't want her to. 

No matter what you were friends, and sound like a good one to her, reaching out to say Hello is ok, if you have no expectation.  You might always wonder if you don't.

So that's another one for yes. Interesting. 

Yeah I guess reaching out with no expectations means less pain if things go south. Thank you for your opinion serenia.

Can you do that though?  Reach out without any expectations?

I can if I put my mind to it. Having unrealistic expectations is what led to all the pain in the first place when I said goodbye the first time. So, I'd like to think I learned my lesson.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Update: I contacted her and we are "friends" for now. I put that in quotes because at first we were friends but after some time we gave in to our instincts and had virtual sex. She said she could never see me as a regular friend as I am special to her. I told her I needed something real and she said she couldn't provide that due to her issues and that I should find a girl that can provide that for me. So I still have feelings for her but I must keep myself open for other relationships.

I still want to meet her irl, relationship or no but she is still resistant to the idea.

Anyway that's how things stand now.

 

[Colster]

Never go backwards. If things were meant to be, they would be. The notion of second chances, does not work. It only eventually magnifies the differences for a second time.

 

[ewomack]

It sounds like she was fairly open and honest with you, at least, and isn't trying to use you in some nasty way. Though I don't know what "virtual sex" entails, I'm guessing it might not make the situation any better in the long run. But I wasn't there (thankfully), so I really don't know all of the details. In any case, your plan sounds like a good one overall. Stay open to other relationships for the time being. If she's reluctant to have a relationship, there's not a lot you can do but move on.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Never go backwards. If things were meant to be, they would be. The notion of second chances, does not work. It only eventually magnifies the differences for a second time.

Could you please elaborate on that? Are you saying I shouldn't be friends with her or I shouldn't pursue a relationship with her?

It sounds like she was fairly open and honest with you, at least, and isn't trying to use you in some nasty way. Though I don't know what "virtual sex" entails, I'm guessing it might not make the situation any better in the long run. But I wasn't there (thankfully), so I really don't know all of the details. In any case, your plan sounds like a good one overall. Stay open to other relationships for the time
being. If she's reluctant to have a relationship, there's not a lot you can do but move on.

Thanks ewomack, yeah we aren't using each other. We are well past that point.

 

[Colster]

Absolutely no relationship. Friendship is ok, but perhaps a little guarded. And trust me, I learned that the hard way, twice!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I will say ... like the little cynical woman I am, some women will have virtual relations with a guy to keep him on the hook and to keep him being her well.. "emotional support" that she needs. (see and this is where some guys get confused, they think well.. I was her emotional support just as friends, for a lot of people that support is better entwined with desire, like an ego stroke).

My bestie at the moment is doing this to a guy in real life, her relationship is so abusive and when she goes to the gym she offloads onto a guy, he emotionally supports her and she throws him a bone... for his.. service? Not full on cheating..but.. inappropriate behaviour like flirting and blah blah.

But like many have said we just don't know enough to draw conclusions or make judgements so I am deffo not doing that, I will say, if you find that she is actually amazing and it was her relationship previously holding her back then.. I'd say goooo for it life's too short not to right?

 

[Sunless Sky]

I will say ... like the little cynical woman I am, some women will have virtual relations with a guy to keep him on the hook and to keep him being her well.. "emotional support" that she needs. (see and this is where some guys get confused, they think well.. I was her emotional support just as friends, for a lot of people that support is better entwined with desire, like an ego stroke).

My bestie at the moment is doing this to a guy in real life, her relationship is so abusive and when she goes to the gym she offloads onto a guy, he emotionally supports her and she throws him a bone... for his.. service? Not full on cheating..but.. inappropriate behaviour like flirting and blah blah.

But like many have said we just don't know enough to draw conclusions or make judgements so I am deffo not doing that, I will say, if you find that she is actually amazing and it was her relationship previously holding her back then.. I'd say goooo for it life's too short not to right?

Yeah, that sounds like my first "romantic relationship". Man, I was so naive back then I didn't realize she was using me the whole time.

I wish I can go for it with her but she is so insistent that she "has no future" and she is "poison". She can be very self loathing sometimes.

So you think she might be using me for emotional support? If she is using me for anything I think it might be sex.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Yeah, that sounds like my first "romantic relationship". Man, I was so naive back then I didn't realize she was using me the whole time.

I wish I can go for it with her but she is so insistent that she "has no future" and she is "poison". She can be very self loathing sometimes.

So you think she might be using me for emotional support? If she is using me for anything I think it might be sex.

Awh I'm sorry, no one deserves that. I can understand that though... I am very self loathing, but she was in a relationship before so obviously that doesn't stop her from getting into relationships. (ugh and this is me trying not to sound judgemental lolz) Emotional support and sex is all the same, when you are with an abusive partner they strip you from your self-esteem they make you feel like no one else would ever want you, sending nudes and having a kinky chat with a guy online is.. well... ideal to boost confidence and feel desired with out crossing too many lines.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Awh I'm sorry, no one deserves that. I can understand that though... I am very self loathing, but she was in a relationship before so obviously that doesn't stop her from getting into relationships. (ugh and this is me trying not to sound judgemental lolz) Emotional support and sex is all the same, when you are with an abusive partner they strip you from your self-esteem they make you feel like no one else would ever want you, sending nudes and having a kinky chat with a guy online is.. well... ideal to boost confidence and feel desired with out crossing too many lines.

We didn't exchange nudes, I said no to that but we do have very kinky chats.

We discussed that about her being in a relationship before and she told me the relationship she had before wasn't real love as opposed to ours which is real I guess.

She was the one who reccomended I find another girl.

Have you been in an abusive relationship before? (if you don't mind my asking)

 

[CenotaphGirl]

We didn't exchange nudes, I said no to that but we do have very kinky chats.

We discussed that about her being in a relationship before and she told me the relationship she had before wasn't real love as opposed to ours which is real I guess.

She was the one who reccomended I find another girl.

Have you been in an abusive relationship before? (if you don't mind my asking)

Oh you said no, but she wanted to? Interesting...

Honestly, I just don't get it, if she was saying she needs time to get her head around the previous relationship, I'd say.. okay.. makes sense.. if she's saying oh no im not good enough for you find someone else... sounds like the typical it's not you its me brush off ( to me, with the little context I have).

Abusive relationship... well it was complicated, he had violent blackouts, uhm I tried to stick by him however, ended up going to hospital a few times, and it was just getting a little too dangerous.

 

[M_also_lonely]

She had a boyfriend

and we would sometimes talk about her relationship (which was abusive).

What! Unbelievable! XD

I would give her advice on how to fix the problems she was having in her relationship.

NO!

One day we just gave in and said those three words to each other: "I love you" despite the obvious problem of her being in a relationship already.

I didnt want to let her go.

*lust. not love.

Should i get back in touch with her?

No.

i was even prepared to travel to her country to visit her

NO! never EVER do what Mr. Geller did!

She only contacted me once after the relationship was over saying she thinks about me from time to time. Is the fact she hasnt gotten in touch me meaning she doesnt want to resume our relationship?.

Maybe someone else told her those 3 magical words. She'll contact you once she needs you.
My entire point is that she was doing this with her partner while she was in a relationship. Why would she not do the same with you when she's with you?

What you're experiencing is mere lust. When lust fades, you come back to your original nature. You realize that you weren't actually floating in the clouds. Lust fades very soon. Don't move countries over it. And if you really, REALLY want to be her partner, invite her to come to your country. If she declines, say goodbye and move on.

 

[Sunless Sky]

^ I don't think it's lust since we have known each other for over 2 years now. If it was lust, the attraction would have faded over time. I do agree with you though that I shouldn't move countries for her just yet(who is Mr. Geller btw).
I've been planning opening up the discussion about her coming to visit me. Although, I might need to wait until the pandemic calms down.

 

[Finished]

.......... sending nudes and having a kinky chat with a guy online is.. well... ideal to boost confidence and feel desired with out crossing too many lines.

Okay fine, if you insist. If you don't want me to fly up there to see you then we can just exchange nude pics. You go first. Ha! ha!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay fine, if you insist. If you don't want me to fly up there to see you then we can just exchange nude pics. You go first. Ha! ha!

Lol oh no, I need virtual dinner, candles, the works...

^ I don't think it's lust since we have known each other for over 2 years now. If it was lust, the attraction would have faded over time. I do agree with you though that I shouldn't move countries for her just yet(who is Mr. Geller btw).
I've been planning opening up the discussion about her coming to visit me. Although, I might need to wait until the pandemic calms down.

Awh I hope when the pandemic calms down you can both at least meet, that would be ideal I think.

 

[Finished]

Lol oh no, I need virtual dinner, candles, the works...

****. You are just too needy for me. Sorry. But, we can still be forum friends.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

****. You are just too needy for me. Sorry. But, we can still be forum friends.

Did you... just.. forum friend zone me?!?!?
But.. I'm a nice girl, I'm not like other girls and you friend zone me?... you're cruel!.. you men only like the mean girls #Blackpilled lmao Sorry just practicing my Femcel reactions...

 

[Colster]

Friend zone!