How to fall out of love?

[4No1]

An unrequited one.

I can easily do it if I know a person of my interest has a partner or if I'm rejected.
But I've never heared anything about his gf. That's why I have a stupid thought "what if I have a chance". Thinking logically, I don't.
Anyway I don't know how to be rejected. If I just ask: "do you have a gf" - it's weird, and if the answer is "no" nothing will change for me.
If I say: "Can you please reject me" - it's even more weird, and I possibly should add: "it will be ok and we can just forget it all". It's even more weird than more weird. I don't think talking to him is a good idea as fas as I don't have a suitable plan. Also I don't want to bother or to offend him. It's not his fault and not his problem.

The best way is just to fall out of love. But I have no idea how to do it.
I've tried not to communicate and not to think, a few years didn't change anything. Falling in love(also unrequited of course)) with others - it helps for a few weeks then I fall out. I feel like I'm a teen experiencing a first love, but I'm not and there should be a way the adults solve such the problems.
I used to think love is something for the young people and in some way I feel like I shouldn't be in love at all, like I'm trying to steal something I'm not supposed and don't have a right to have.

And the worst is the fact that we were friends and maybe still are. Maybe it's not a love, just some good feeling to a friend(haha a kind of a special good friendly feeling that appears only for this one) or an imagination or whatever?

Sorry for so many words.

Do you have any advices?

 

[U-122]

Are you a man or a woman? For a man it's easy to get rejected. Don't even have to try. For a woman, depending on your situation. I can't even get into a friendzone. I'm a man. For me to get rejected i just need to exist. For the one who rejected me, i'm one of few who is not on Tinder who wouldn't have anything more than a friendship with her. Other men are different quality. They don't reject her and she doesn't want to be rejected. She likes to have infinite amount of men who use her for sex and do favors for her. She tried with me but i refused because i value my health and i have morals values standards. For a woman you don't need to do much. For a man even easier. Just exist. If you like someone, definitely say something and like you said, tell him it's ok if he doesn't feel the same way about you. You can remain friends or whatever regardless of the outcome. No such thing as "love". Only hormones.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I personally think if it's actual love, you can't just stop loving someone. It lessens and turns into something else, but it's still love. So, I suppose you need to ask yourself if you really love him or if it's just a crush. If it's just a crush, it will be significantly easier. Just redirect your focus. Concentrate on something else. If there are things that annoy you about him, focus on those. Or, find someone else, that usually does the trick. lol

 

[4No1]

No such thing as "love". Only hormones.

I can't agree. The winged boy uses neuropeptides: oxytocin and vasopressin mostly. No matter how we calll the feeling caused by this chemestry.

Are you a man or a woman? For a man it's easy to get rejected.

A woman but I don't think it really matters.

I'm sorry about your situation.
Did I get it right, she rejected you as a friend because you refused to have a sex with her as she already has a few partner? I dunno, I maybe it's better for you not to have such a friend, but I understand it's more complicated.

 

[4No1]

So, I suppose you need to ask yourself if you really love him or if it's just a crush.

I've asked, myself isn't sure. Sometimes I'm so tried of her(myself)). I really dunno.

Focusing on things that annoy didn't help, they are not so bad. I avoided him for a few years, except... I can't control my dreams unfortunately. Didn't help.

 

[Colster]

Ah...

Love

I remember it well.

I have always had a pragmatic approach to love, lust, and relationships.

If you want to get to know someone - ask them to hang out with you.

If feel you want something more - ask them for a date.

If it leads to something like a relationship, define your terms.

Being direct and honest saves so much heartache and worry. And, only a very sick person is offended by the attraction and affections of another.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I've asked, myself isn't sure. Sometimes I'm so tried of her(myself)). I really dunno.

Focusing on things that annoy didn't help, they are not so bad. I avoided him for a few years, except... I can't control my dreams unfortunately. Didn't help.

Well then, I'd say you have two choices. Get to know him better, so you can find out if it's really love....or get a new obsession. Ask him for coffee or something simple.

 

[ewomack]

Only time and isolation from the object of love will probably make a difference. I've had a few deeply bruised hearts in my time and that's all that ever seemed to work. In one case the object moved away (retrospectively, for the better) not too long after I "confessed." Thankfully, I eventually met someone else and the wound healed with time. Now the whole thing doesn't seem to matter any more and I can't imagine ever having such deep feelings for that person anymore. Give it time.

I will add that you don't seem to know the person very well. So are you sure you're "in love" or just really interested? I've never been "in love" with someone I don't know well or had dated for a while. Sometimes it's hard to know, but maybe worth exploring before diving too deeply?

 

[U-122]

I can't agree. The winged boy uses neuropeptides: oxytocin and vasopressin mostly. No matter how we calll the emotion caused by this chemestry.


A woman but I don't think it really matters.

I'm sorry about your situation.
Did I get it right, she rejected you as a friend because you refused to have a sex with her as she already has a few partner? I dunno, I maybe it's better for you not to have such a friend, but I understand it's more complicated.

They are hormones. You can't agree? I'm a bit of scientist with a degree, but i won't argue with a russian woman lol because i know how it can go wrong with russian women

Your gender only matters because i mostly know men, not women. I know how we get rejected and discarded for something better. For you to get rejected if you were a man you only need to exist. For women even if you're very low quality, like those around me, you won't get rejected easily. Where i am now a woman can still find someone half-decent no matter how bad she is. Hard for me to advise a woman how to get rejected. I stay away from women unless they talk to me first and acknowledge my existence. Extremely rare.

Yes i got rejected even as a friend and nothing more because i didn't want to be used like she uses her Tinder trash men for sex and then discards them. I have standards and care about my health. It's not safe to get in bed with her. She is completely alone, doesn't have any friends or family. I'm also alone. Don't have anyone to talk to. She didn't talk to me for 15 months, didn't give me time of day. Then something happened and we started talking. Loneliness was killing me here. I wanted someone to talk to. We're out of each others leagues but we talked, texted, she told me she was a nice person. I'm gullible i believe anyone who gives me time of day. I tried to see something good in her. I was wrong. Now she completely ignores me after i told her i liked her, wanted to be friends. She stopped talking to me. I'm also done with her. She turned out to be toxic evil whore.

 

[U-122]

Only time and isolation from the object of love will probably make a difference. I've had a few deeply bruised hearts in my time and that's all that ever seemed to work. In one case the object moved away (retrospectively, for the better) not too long after I "confessed." Thankfully, I eventually met someone else and the wound healed with time. Now the whole thing doesn't seem to matter any more and I can't imagine ever having such deep feelings for that person anymore. Give it time.

I will add that you don't seem to know the person very well. So are you sure you're "in love" or just really interested? I've never been "in love" with someone I don't know well or had dated for a while. Sometimes it's hard to know, but maybe worth exploring before diving too deeply?

I got discarded a few times. Emotional wounds never healed here. I'm still dead inside after 20+ years. Worse than any physical pain for me.

 

[Colster]

I got discarded a few times. Emotional wounds never healed here. I'm still dead inside after 20+ years. Worse than any physical pain for me.

Can I ask without offending, do you find yourself becoming very attached to those who show you affection. Do you seek an authoritative person of dominance, or a parental figure, someone not so playful or emotive.

 

[U-122]

Can I ask without offending, do you find yourself becoming very attached to those who show you affection. Do you seek an authoritative person of dominance, or a parental figure, someone not so playful or emotive.

That's the thing. I got very little affection from them. It was mostly from me to them. I was very attached. My 1st gf was "love of my life" my hormones loved her. I'm the one who gave affection, attention, and everything else. No absolutely don't want authoritative person, dominant, parental figure. It took me a while to get over them. Now i don't know who they are anymore i wouldn't care to read their obituaries but emotional pain in me is forever. Also fear of women because of what happened in the past and now recently.

 

[TheRealCallie]

emotional pain in me is forever. Also fear of women because of what happened in the past and now recently.

This kind of proves you are not over her, or at least what happened. You can say you are all you want and you can also know you that you don't want to be with them, but you aren't over the situation, which does include her...and any other women you have emotional pain from. And honestly, that's likely your entire problem. You can't very well move on if you are still stuck in the past and regardless of what you say, you are. Not saying it's easy to get over emotional pain, but if you really want to, it's entirely possible. It just comes down to how much work you are willing to put into it.

 

[U-122]

This kind of proves you are not over her, or at least what happened. You can say you are all you want and you can also know you that you don't want to be with them, but you aren't over the situation, which does include her...and any other women you have emotional pain from. And honestly, that's likely your entire problem. You can't very well move on if you are still stuck in the past and regardless of what you say, you are. Not saying it's easy to get over emotional pain, but if you really want to, it's entirely possible. It just comes down to how much work you are willing to put into it.

No, i'm absolutely over everyone except the last one. This most recent one gives me real fever. Every time she's around or i think about her even now while typing here, 99-100.6F. Not in love anymore. Different kind of hormones are involved now. It kills me inside again and again to be just feet away from her and not being able to talk because she hates me for some unknown reason. i'm very used to being ignored by others and it doesn't bother me much anymore. I do same to them. I don't insist that anyone says hello or looks in my approximate direction. I'm invisible to them.

 

[TheRealCallie]

. For women even if you're very low quality, like those around me, you won't get rejected easily.

I'm not low quality and I'm not ugly, yet I get rejected. And it has nothing to do with my personality either. I'm sorry, but it's just asinine to assume that women can't have just as much trouble as you poor poor men.

 

[U-122]

I'm not low quality and I'm not ugly, yet I get rejected. And it has nothing to do with my personality either. I'm sorry, but it's just asinine to assume that women can't have just as much trouble as you poor poor men.

I don't assume. I observe women around me. They are the ones who reject. I'm sure women get their share of rejections but not as much as men. I personally never rejected anyone in the past and especially now what little friendly time i had with this current nonsense near me. I'm never the one to ignore, stop talking, dump, break up, etc. Not now, not in the past.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I don't assume. I observe women around me. They are the ones who reject. I'm sure women get their share of rejections but not as much as men. I personally never rejected anyone in the past and especially now what little friendly time i had with this current nonsense near me. I'm never the one to ignore, stop talking, dump, break up, etc. Not now, not in the past.

No, sorry, but you do assume. You've already made one false assumption about me thinking I was here because I had no one. That is an assumption.

So you are saying, even if you have no interest in the woman, even after 6 months of dating, you wouldn't break up with her? Sorry, but that's just cruel. You are not only wasting your own time, you are wasting HER time. Not every relationship will work and if you are too scared or too "omg I don't want to hurt her" to do what needs to be done, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. No, it's not easy to break up with someone, for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't sometimes be done.

 

[U-122]

No, sorry, but you do assume. You've already made one false assumption about me thinking I was here because I had no one. That is an assumption.

So you are saying, even if you have no interest in the woman, even after 6 months of dating, you wouldn't break up with her? Sorry, but that's just cruel. You are not only wasting your own time, you are wasting HER time. Not every relationship will work and if you are too scared or too "omg I don't want to hurt her" to do what needs to be done, you probably shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. No, it's not easy to break up with someone, for whatever reason, but that doesn't mean it shouldn't sometimes be done.

Like i said i observe women around me, not you, not around you. Local women here. i see a loneliness forum i assume everyone here in the same boat. Not you. ok. i'm not arguing with you.
I've never been in a situation where i would need to be the one to initiate a breakup. It's always the women who did it to me. I simply got discarded like disposable garbage because there's always someone better. When i know there's always someone better, which is true, i don't get involved anymore. No point, no reason. I'll never be the best, perfect, good enough. History will repeat itself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Just imagine... he's your long lost brother, works every time

Okay okay, jokes aside it's just not that easy to fall out of love, im still in love with my stupid cheating no good ex!

I have learnt to love him from a distance though and so I guess thats my advice.
Fighting or trying to control feelings just makes them worse.

 

[M_also_lonely]

"My love is not like others. Mine is true. Others have no idea how I felt." is a general thought in most people.

I have gotten myself out of unrequited love. And yes, in a true sense. Like, totally free. My love was genuine, innocent and complete too.

Interestingly, I have read hundreds of books, spiritual content, philosophies, etc. BUT, when I was suffering from unrequited love, I had no support of any of this. Because this experience happened before I was into any of those. Neither did I have internet, or people I could talk to. No support from any spiritual master.

Imagine, I was 16!!! I still made it happen. On my own. And I will always keep my experience as a relic that I discovered.
How did I do it? Well, its a long (but not too long) story. If interested, let me know.