Questions for the Men

[MissBehave]

Another bloke who needs to Man up, and grow a pair. Boo hoo hoo, posh people. fresia off! PEOPLE, just PEOPLE.

Your statement shows your lack of understanding and empathy.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Okay okay, this question is from my actual life, but im asking for a friend. Disclaimer it kinda involves race... a little bit... So I have this friend, and she's into the finer things in life, posh dinners and travelling, her boyfriend is... working class and embarrassed to be around "posh white people" so embarrassed that he wouldn't even get breakfast at a hotel, because he had to walk into a room full of "posh white people" So she had to go into the room and get it for him!! Like a massive chip on his shoulder. She wants to approach the issue without offending him, like still make him feel like a man but pull him up on it, but how?

My question is as men, if your girlfriend wanted to approach a sensitive issue with you, how would you want her to go about it? Do you think its normal for a man to act this way?

I would say she needs to try to discover the root of why he's like that...is it bad experiences from his past, is it low self esteem, is it maybe a vibe he's picking up from her....there could be a million reasons and it will never get resolved if that root cause doesn't get "fixed" So I would approach it that way, as a genuine concern for HIS well being, which is what it should be and not anything to do with what's easier or better for HER, if that makes sense.

And yeah, I would also not say man up.

 

[Finished]

And yeah, I would also not say man up.

No you wouldn't say that. That would be too insensitive for you.

Instead, you would pick his ass up off the couch by his hair, drag him by his ears to the area, and kick his ass into the group while telling him not to come back without the stuff "I TOLD you to get **** it!"

Then after he arrived back with the items you wanted you would still kick him in his nuts for forcing you to be violent with him. Then you would complain because something was cold or was slightly disheveled probably from his fearful tears.

Yeah, you want to make sure not to hurt someone's feelings. Ha! ha!

 

[Colster]

I think telling a man to "man up" just creates more honeysuckle. Why would you tell someone u care about that if you can't handle this, then you aren't a man. That's basically what thst statement means. Male emotions and feelings isn't them being weak or less of a man. It's human.
Saying stuff like that for sure doesn't make your relationship a good place for him to lower his guard.

absolutely and utterly wrong. The term is loose slang/euphemism for swallowing one's pride. A military analogy would being instructed to; shoulders back, chest out, man up!

at no point does it say anything about not being a man. It's addressing a man, as proven by the lack of reference to women, goats, sheep, or bananas.

And... If a man can't handle that, then you should probably look up the term: if the honeysuckle fits.

 

[Colster]

Your statement shows your lack of understanding and empathy.

man up!

 

[Sunless Sky]

man up!

Hurt feelings aren't the end of the world. Sometimes feelings need to be hurt for progress to be made.

That being said, regardless of gender, one should approach sensitive topics with a level of tact. There is nothing wrong with being in touch with your emotions. There is however something wrong with being too sensitive. Being too closed off is also a problem. One should aim to strike a balance between these two extremes.

This is doubly true in the case of talking with loved ones. Though, as long as you make it clear you only want what's best for your partner, you won't come across as insensitive or insulting.

About the man up thing. I use it to tell someone to stop being too sensitive regardless of gender. Although personally, I prefer "grow some balls" or "grow some cojonez"

 

[ewomack]

People will really do anything for attention these days, won't they?

"I know, let's film you kicking me in the nuts and put it on the Internet!"
"Yeah! No one's done that! We may not be able to have children, and you might have to pee out of a straw, but we'll be RICH!!"

If it's fake they did a great job. I can only hope that two adults wouldn't agree to actually do this to each other.

But perhaps I'm "old fashioned."

 

[MissBehave]

absolutely and utterly wrong. The term is loose slang/euphemism for swallowing one's pride. A military analogy would being instructed to; shoulders back, chest out, man up!

at no point does it say anything about not being a man. It's addressing a man, as proven by the lack of reference to women, goats, sheep, or bananas.

And... If a man can't handle that, then you should probably look up the term: if the honeysuckle fits.

It's a widely used term by men and women to shame men. Just cause you put your statement through the loophole doesn't make it any less inappropriate to use.

 

[Colster]

It's a widely used term by men and women to shame men. Just cause you put your statement through the loophole doesn't make it any less inappropriate to us

It's a widely used term by men and women to shame men. Just cause you put your statement through the loophole doesn't make it any less inappropriate to use.

Ok, how about you go and grow up. Oooh, "loophole". Joining the Karen queue?

 

[Sunless Sky]

Ok, how about you go and grow up. Oooh, "loophole". Joining the Karen queue?

She's got a point, that term can and is used to shame men. I've heard it used a lot in that context.

This term does have the power to mentally scar someone. Especially if it's said to them when they are going through a tough time.

How would you react if you were at a low point in your life and you were confiding in someone who just told you to "man up"?

You seem to feel strongly for this subject, do you have personal history with this term or the context in which it was used?

 

[Colster]

She's got a point, that term can and is used to shame men. I've heard it used a lot in that context.

This term does have the power to mentally scar someone. Especially if it's said to them when they are going through a tough time.

How would you react if you were at a low point in your life and you were confiding in someone who just told you to "man up"?

You seem to feel strongly for this subject, do you have personal history with this term or the context in which it was used?

any word or words, can offend anyone at any given point in time, if they so choose to be offended. If you are at "a low point", chances are you could even be offend by the changing direction of the breeze.

I've already given one perfectly good example of the use and military origin of the term. No doubt, anyone at a low point, is now going to go into a Google frenzy, and inform me that I'm wrong, based upon them finding a Wiki lead to different usage.

Hey, I've just decided that the word context offends me, it has confrontational implications, with derogatory undertones, oh and yes, low point has been box ticked too. Boo hoo, boo hoo me.

As Stephen Fry has so wisely spoken about on many-many occasions, just because you are offended, it doesn't mean you are right.

Yet, we live inns world increasingly filled with social justice warriors, ever ready to be offended by things they fail to fully grasp.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Okay okay, this question is from my actual life, but im asking for a friend. Disclaimer it kinda involves race... a little bit... So I have this friend, and she's into the finer things in life, posh dinners and travelling, her boyfriend is... working class and embarrassed to be around "posh white people" so embarrassed that he wouldn't even get breakfast at a hotel, because he had to walk into a room full of "posh white people" So she had to go into the room and get it for him!! Like a massive chip on his shoulder. She wants to approach the issue without offending him, like still make him feel like a man but pull him up on it, but how?

My question is as men, if your girlfriend wanted to approach a sensitive issue with you, how would you want her to go about it? Do you think its normal for a man to act this way?

Depends what the issue is. Different issues might be best handled with different approaches.

Do I think it's normal for a man to act this way? I don't know. On the one hand, it seems a little extreme. But on the other hand, I don't know what the underlying reason is, or any of this guy's backstory for why he feels that way.

I think this guy has to think about whether or not this girl is right for him. Because like you said, she's into the finer things in life, that's who she is, that's where she's from, that's her world. And if he can't/won't share in that, then maybe they're not compatible after all, because this is just going to come up again and again whenever they try to do anything she wants to do. And I'm sure she doesn't want to give up her entire lifestyle, either. He'll have to decide if it's worth it to change to be with this girl, or if this isn't something he wants to deal with.

I'm somewhat curious how this situation came about in the first place - if guys usually have to be the protector/provider, but he can't provide the lifestyle she wants, I wonder how it works. Because usually, for a guy to be unable to provide a sufficient lifestyle, is a deal-breaker.

 

[MissBehave]

any word or words, can offend anyone at any given point in time, if they so choose to be offended. If you are at "a low point", chances are you could even be offend by the changing direction of the breeze.

I've already given one perfectly good example of the use and military origin of the term. No doubt, anyone at a low point, is now going to go into a Google frenzy, and inform me that I'm wrong, based upon them finding a Wiki lead to different usage.

Hey, I've just decided that the word context offends me, it has confrontational implications, with derogatory undertones, oh and yes, low point has been box ticked too. Boo hoo, boo hoo me.

As Stephen Fry has so wisely spoken about on many-many occasions, just because you are offended, it doesn't mean you are right.

Yet, we live inns world increasingly filled with social justice warriors, ever ready to be offended by things they fail to fully grasp.

The gender paradox in suicide is a real issue. From my own experience there is a very real taboo in men talking about feelings and mental state. I'm pretty sure most men have experienced some sort of shaming regarding their emotions.
I'm also pretty sure you didn't mean to shame anyone. Regardless, it's a subject to be more tactful about.

I agree that there are way too many getting offended by nothing. However. When you are dealing with an issue that's a somewhat big deal, then no... Then it's not just people getting "offended by anything". Simply dismissing it as that is also a loophole meant to dismiss someones opinion as them just getting offended for the sake of being offended.

 

[TogetherAlone]

The term man up actually came/originated from American Football btw not the Military >_>

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Depends what the issue is. Different issues might be best handled with different approaches.

Do I think it's normal for a man to act this way? I don't know. On the one hand, it seems a little extreme. But on the other hand, I don't know what the underlying reason is, or any of this guy's backstory for why he feels that way.

I think this guy has to think about whether or not this girl is right for him. Because like you said, she's into the finer things in life, that's who she is, that's where she's from, that's her world. And if he can't/won't share in that, then maybe they're not compatible after all, because this is just going to come up again and again whenever they try to do anything she wants to do. And I'm sure she doesn't want to give up her entire lifestyle, either. He'll have to decide if it's worth it to change to be with this girl, or if this isn't something he wants to deal with.

I'm somewhat curious how this situation came about in the first place - if guys usually have to be the protector/provider, but he can't provide the lifestyle she wants, I wonder how it works. Because usually, for a guy to be unable to provide a sufficient lifestyle, is a deal-breaker.

They met through her mum actually, her mum invited her to an old friends BBQ and there he was. He really likes her but I think he's embarrassed about who he is, and what he is. She's so wealthy she doesn't need a man to provide anything to be honest, I think she owns 2 blocks of flats in sea side towns and stuff (which is my dreammmmmmm).. ONE DAYYYY lol.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

People will really do anything for attention these days, won't they?

"I know, let's film you kicking me in the nuts and put it on the Internet!"
"Yeah! No one's done that! We may not be able to have children, and you might have to pee out of a straw, but we'll be RICH!!"

If it's fake they did a great job. I can only hope that two adults wouldn't agree to actually do this to each other.

But perhaps I'm "old fashioned."

I'd love to do this to someone.... like actually pay money to do it lol

 

[ewomack]

I'd love to do this to someone.... like actually pay money to do it lol

I need to look at your picture again, because if I see you coming I'm going to turn around the other way and run VERY fast.

 

[TheSkaFish]

As far as all the "man up" stuff goes -

The issue I have with it is that it suggests a one-size-fits-all approach to things. There is a "right" way, and everything else is wrong. And if you don't happen to be naturally suited to the "right" way, you're inherently a second-class citizen, and it's OK to mock and ridicule you for it. And before you know it, we're back to "some people are just better than others, you have to just know your place in the hierarchy" again.

Maybe it is the military/American football approach to things. And while that might work for some people, not everyone is suited to thriving in those environments, or approaching things in that way.

And with offense, sure, maybe some people look for offense over every little thing. But there's also the idea of "reading the room", that just because one can say something, doesn't mean you should. If you know something is likely to be taken as offensive, it makes sense to me to consider not saying it, or saying it differently.

Just my thoughts anyway.

 

[TheSkaFish]

They met through her mum actually, her mum invited her to an old friends BBQ and there he was. He really likes her but I think he's embarrassed about who he is, and what he is. She's so wealthy she doesn't need a man to provide anything to be honest, I think she owns 2 blocks of flats in sea side towns and stuff (which is my dreammmmmmm).. ONE DAYYYY lol.

My dream is a fleet of classic cars (one of my dreams at least). Or at least one top-trim classic Mustang, before I give up the ghost. Or before gas goes away/is outlawed.

Well, if it works it works. I don't blame the guy for feeling a little awkward though. I'd feel a little out of place myself. Although if he really wants to make it work with this girl, he's going to have to at least be able to do these everyday type things though, like go to breakfast and stuff.

What I'm confused about though, is what they'd have to talk about, what they connect over, what would bring them closer together. How they'd relate to each other. I can't imagine having much in common with someone so far outside my world, beyond simply lust. I think I'd have a hard time not just with common interests, but with the way they think, feel, the way they see things, the way they approach life. I don't know.

 

[Finished]

I'd love to do this to someone.... like actually pay money to do it lol

Men in their youth think it's funny to get kicked in their ball sack. They don't understand why. It's just like men needing to spit in the urine when they pee. Boys / men do stupid things and don't really know why. However, it's just God's way of training them for their marriage as their future wives will be kicking them, metaphorically, in the balls for the rest of their lives. Ha! ha!

BTW, I really liked my friend's older sister when I was in the 8th grade. I wanted to kiss her but she totally blew me off. I was, "too young for her". So, three of us held her down and I kissed her. It was great too! It wasn't violent. All of us were laughing including his sister. However, when she got back up she kicked my in the balls not thinking it was that big of a deal. Besides hurting a lot, I immediately got sick to my stomach, went outside, and threw up. It took me a long time to get home pushing my bicycle really slow because I was unable to sit on it.