Loneliness with no improvement.

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jonasdm46

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Hi,

It’s been a long time since i first posted here. In the time being there has been zero improvement in my loneliness. I’ve been a silent guy my whole life. Introvert, but also a caring person. I know from myself i’m the kind of guy who is ready to help someone any time of the day. I had a few friends in school, but it seemed that with the years passing these people where not really excited in being friends with me. Like i said i am ready to help anyone, but with time passing i got the feeling that the so called friends actually where abusing my kindness to help them. So i throttled the kindness a bit down and like i thought, the “friends” stayed away. That was the moment the loneliness started hitting. What a horrible feeling it is, to realize you are being used only to profit other people. Current day i have a job where i’m absolutely good at and colleagues i talk to at work. But that’s about it. Since school which was already ten years ago (28y old now) i had zero friends. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to hang out with. Nobody that wishes a happy birthday, and nobody to spend NY eve with. Actually nobody to do anything with, and that hurts alot. If i go out on my own it is heartbreaking to see other people enjoy their lives with friends. I really hope my life will change in the future, but i have the feeling i will always be the outcast that’s gonna spend his days in loneliness and that’s heartbreaking to me. I would love to have a girlfriend at my side to enjoy life with and friends with we could have fun with. It brings tears to my eyes to think about never having these. Glad i could write my thoughts and feelings down. That actually gives me a relieving feeling.
 
Hi,

It’s been a long time since i first posted here. In the time being there has been zero improvement in my loneliness. I’ve been a silent guy my whole life. Introvert, but also a caring person. I know from myself i’m the kind of guy who is ready to help someone any time of the day. I had a few friends in school, but it seemed that with the years passing these people where not really excited in being friends with me. Like i said i am ready to help anyone, but with time passing i got the feeling that the so called friends actually where abusing my kindness to help them. So i throttled the kindness a bit down and like i thought, the “friends” stayed away. That was the moment the loneliness started hitting. What a horrible feeling it is, to realize you are being used only to profit other people. Current day i have a job where i’m absolutely good at and colleagues i talk to at work. But that’s about it. Since school which was already ten years ago (28y old now) i had zero friends. Nobody to talk to. Nobody to hang out with. Nobody that wishes a happy birthday, and nobody to spend NY eve with. Actually nobody to do anything with, and that hurts alot. If i go out on my own it is heartbreaking to see other people enjoy their lives with friends. I really hope my life will change in the future, but i have the feeling i will always be the outcast that’s gonna spend his days in loneliness and that’s heartbreaking to me. I would love to have a girlfriend at my side to enjoy life with and friends with we could have fun with. It brings tears to my eyes to think about never having these. Glad i could write my thoughts and feelings down. That actually gives me a relieving feeling.
I am so sorry you feel this way. I am in a similar situation, except I am 29. I had a couple of friends that I suspected early on that they were trying to use me and I cut them out of my life. I am glad that I did because if the friendship isn't sincere, I don't want it.

Can you make friends at work? I mean you talk to them already. Maybe you can take the next step and go out for drinks or hang out outside work. I dunno, I am just spitballin.

Anyway, best of luck to you and remember, with friendships, it's always quality over quantity.
 
I too am sorry. I'm in my 50s now and totally isolated. I learned the hard way to stay clear of people. Hell, I was just laughing at myself this morning. I haven't left my house in a couple weeks. I think the last time was when I rode my bicycle around to look at fire works on the 4th. But, I didn't speak to anybody. I will make it a point to get supplies tomorrow. ;)

I feel your pain. I wish I could do or say something to help you with your situation. But, I don't think I can help. I don't know if you want advice either.

But, I will say, if at all possible keep trying to socialize with others. 28 is still young. Don't feel the need to be what you consider friends with others. Instead, use them for what you need. Give them only enough to stick around. If the relationship becomes unbalanced problems arise and people bail. I have definitely helped people too much.
 
Loneliness is a self-imposed Prison.

Your own LIFE is the greatest GIFT ever bestowed on YOU.

It is your purpose to ENJOY it in every way.

Be Brave & face every fear.

Go out & play.... :geek:(y)
 
I really hope my life will change in the future, but i have the feeling i will always be the outcast that’s gonna spend his days in loneliness
The first part of this sentence is good, the second part....not so much. If you disclaimer what you want with "it's never going to happen" that exactly what's going to happen.
Focus on being positive. Focus on changing the future by living today. Change it up. Do something different.
Hang out somewhere else, go out and find the people who will honestly care about you. Volunteer, go to church if you are religious, walk around town, go to festivals, if there are any around, join clubs. I know you said you were introverted, but in order for you to get what you want, you have to put yourself out there. Continue to be kind, but don't let people walk all over you.
It is NEVER too late to change your life, you just have to want it enough and be willing to do the hard work it takes.
 
My son was miserable and lonely in a new city. What changed for him was taking Jiu Jitsu lessons and becoming a volunteer firefighter. Now he is so busy, and I must remind him to call his mother! Just something I thought I would pass along.
 
"Nobody that wishes a happy birthday, and nobody to spend NY eve with."

That's a horrible feeling, to which I can relate. I never got used to New Year's alone.

I also don't see how the situation is self-imposed, at least not if you've made reasonable effort to meet new people.

Some people are just unlucky, but that's hard for the 'average joe' responder to accept because it means luck had a large part to play in whatever success they have had.
 
Hi,

It’s been a long time since i first posted here. In the time being there has been zero improvement in my loneliness. I’ve been a silent guy my whole life. Introvert, but also a caring person. I know from myself i’m the kind of guy who is ready to help so
You say you were kind to these so called friends in what way? Most people mean that if their friends went on about their problems they would sit and listen, thats not really helping them, and that goes both ways. Really helping them would be training them to get a great well paid job, feeding them daily for a few months, putting a roof over their head for free. Practical things, not just being there. And people who are able to give others money and jobs and a roof over their head don't want such friends, they want other friends who are as able to help and take care of themselves as they are.
 

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