ashleigh_phoenix
Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
This may be sad. Well, of course it is... My story, I mean... It all began when I was a kid. I was constantly mocked by my older brothers about being a girl. They think that girl stuff were kind of stupid therefore, they taught me G.I. Joe and Batman stuff rather than dolls and stuff. I'm not complaining about that. I reckon BB guns are actually more fun rather than dolls.
Anyway, as I grew older, I had slight crushes on my classmates, specially during my first three years in elementary school. And most of them were my boy best friends hahaha.
When I was in 4th Grade, I saw this guy. I loved and worshipped him from afar. I couldn't get near him as I thought to myself that I'm boyish, so boyish that I can't face him. I constantly thought that there's no way he'll talk to someone like me. I was only 10 years old back then. I know, it's kinda sad and what a loser that makes me.
I really loved him... And I never stopped loving him. Until to this day, exactly 9 years after that day I first laid my eyes on him, I am still in love with him.
He left a month before graduating, due to family circumstances. (He's 2 yrs older than me). But before leaving the gates of our school, the last time I saw him, he came up to me. I'll never forget the way he looked. A sense of shame, despair, and other emotions mixed inside him. We stood in the middle of the lobby, saying nothing to each other, just our eyes waiting for something. Before he could say something, his driver called to him again, saying that they needed to go.
'I'll see you around..' That was the last thing I heard from him.
I do not have any contact with him. I do not have any contact with his friends either. We are totally separated. But why is it that I can't fall in love with someone else?
I tried to get my attention to other guys, but it isn't just enough.
I even forced myself to not like him. But everyday, I just love him even more and more. More than ever before.
I thought at first that this was only just a crush. But I can't help myself from falling in love with him.
I love him so much that my heart literally hurts when I think about it.
I don't know why I love him. I just do.
No words can describe my feelings for him.
So why am I lonely? I can't be with the man that I love because I don't know if I'll ever see him in the future.
I am literally incapable of loving or even liking someone else in an intimate way.
My friends have a big gap from me and from each other.
My family wouldn't understand my situation.
I have no one to talk to.
I don't have THE ONE I want to talk to.
I still love him.
Although I wish that I'm not just fooling myself.
Anyway, as I grew older, I had slight crushes on my classmates, specially during my first three years in elementary school. And most of them were my boy best friends hahaha.
When I was in 4th Grade, I saw this guy. I loved and worshipped him from afar. I couldn't get near him as I thought to myself that I'm boyish, so boyish that I can't face him. I constantly thought that there's no way he'll talk to someone like me. I was only 10 years old back then. I know, it's kinda sad and what a loser that makes me.
I really loved him... And I never stopped loving him. Until to this day, exactly 9 years after that day I first laid my eyes on him, I am still in love with him.
He left a month before graduating, due to family circumstances. (He's 2 yrs older than me). But before leaving the gates of our school, the last time I saw him, he came up to me. I'll never forget the way he looked. A sense of shame, despair, and other emotions mixed inside him. We stood in the middle of the lobby, saying nothing to each other, just our eyes waiting for something. Before he could say something, his driver called to him again, saying that they needed to go.
'I'll see you around..' That was the last thing I heard from him.
I do not have any contact with him. I do not have any contact with his friends either. We are totally separated. But why is it that I can't fall in love with someone else?
I tried to get my attention to other guys, but it isn't just enough.
I even forced myself to not like him. But everyday, I just love him even more and more. More than ever before.
I thought at first that this was only just a crush. But I can't help myself from falling in love with him.
I love him so much that my heart literally hurts when I think about it.
I don't know why I love him. I just do.
No words can describe my feelings for him.
So why am I lonely? I can't be with the man that I love because I don't know if I'll ever see him in the future.
I am literally incapable of loving or even liking someone else in an intimate way.
My friends have a big gap from me and from each other.
My family wouldn't understand my situation.
I have no one to talk to.
I don't have THE ONE I want to talk to.
I still love him.
Although I wish that I'm not just fooling myself.
Signature
I don't think I'm lonely. I don't even feel alone most of the time. It's just that, I fell in love with a guy almost a decade ago, and since then, I can't stop loving him. (atm, 9yrs and 9months or so)