az85029gal

A teen single mom I made a ton of mistakes with my four children. When they became adults and with age I became wiser, I felt I needed to make it up to them the childhood I gave them. When they started having children I vowed they would never struggle like I did, I would do everything in my power to make sure they had a solid foundation to build a successful family life on. The last 15 years I always put my children and thier children first. Paid for 5 sets of braces yet my teeth are falling out, paid for countless vacations but not one of them for myself, sold my two houses to pay for college now I rent. Unfortunately I learned to late that you teach others how to treat you, even those that are supposed to love you. In putting them first always I taught them that they were important and I was not. So now I have very successful children with happy children. That should make me very happy, but I neglected myself for so long I look in the mirror and see staring back at me a 54 year old with missing teeth and old before my time. And do those children visit their Mom two call when they have time and two haven't spoken to me since I told them I had no extra money left. I should be looking forward to retiring in a few years but all my savings I put into my family. I work from home because I am so ashamed of my appearance to have to go to an office. I fear it is too late for me, I truly thought I was doing what was right, now I see I did this to myself. I don't want to end my life with nothing but regrets. I loved too much? I was kind and empathetic and nuturing and loyal, how could that be such a bad thing. I am so desperately lonely and that loneliness haunts every moment of my life and that scares me.

Sometimes even the devil on my shoulder asks "What the hell are you doing now?"

I have completely mastered the art of doing everything wrong.