I feel like I have ran out of time

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BrookeHx

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Jan 11, 2023
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Uk
Hi,

I am 29, 30 in autumn and I feel like I have ran out of time to live the life I always wanted. For me, I always dreamed of the stereotypical family ‘Christmas card’ house with a loving partner and one or two children.

I have been engaged but that didn’t work out and now I’m single, renting a house that isn’t awful but isn’t the dream, working every hour I can to save for a house deposit and pay off debts.

I feel like by the time I have sorted myself out financially, I have no time left to live the life I want and that makes me feel like giving up.

I have a great job and I have worked my way up to management. I earn a good salary and I do love my job.

Financially, I have made stupid decisions in the past so I’m struggling to save a deposit and pay bills at the same time but I’m a quarter of the way there.

Because I work so much and I am trying to save, I don’t really feel like dating because I’m not where I want to be in life and I don’t want that to distract me from my financial stability goal.

I’m scared that making the wrong choices in the past has ruined my chances of a happy future.

I always thought by 30 I would be settled with a husband and maybe a family in a house I owned and financially comfortable.

I just don’t feel like I have anything to offer right now.
 
Life is like a pyramid. You start with a foundation and you build it stone by stone over a period of years.

In all likelihood you will never reach your goals, because as we get close to them or achieve them our vision opens and we see there much more ahead.

As your pyramid builds and your life is constructed on greater and greater experience, your goals will be achieved much faster. We spend a lot of time learning, but once learned we move forward effortlessly.

What you think you want is actually a limit. It becomes normalcy when you get there. We build constantly. The height of the pyramid is never truly known. Never give up. Never stop dreaming. Expect more out of yourself and you will deliver. Have some faith in yourself. Tomorrow has opportunity. Even a wrong path can be corrected.
 
So you have a good job and your own place (renting or not is irrelevant), and since you are able to save money, you aren't dead ass broke.....but you don't think you have anything to offer?

Seems to me like you have a lot to offer. There's a saying about children...."If you wait until you can afford them, you will never have them" I think the same applies to much of life. Don't put you life on hold just because you don't have everything you thought you would have. What happens if you find the perfect guy and you want to find a house together? Or if he lives somewhere else? Or....well, there are a million what ifs, but the point is that if you want something, go for it.

Also, does the UK have any type of programs for first time homebuyers?
 
Welcome to the forum. You have time. But, to be honest owning your own house might be a turn off for a guy especially if he owns his own house too. Who's house do you live in? What about the drive to work. Do you sell the other house, rent it? It is so much easier starting a family when both people are starting out together.
 
From my position it appears as though you have _a lot_ to offer.

I think Callie's advice is quite sound.

For many things in life, it pays off to have all your ducks in a row; but, other times, there will never be the, 'right time,' you just have to take a leap of faith. Generally speaking, it's about balance. Your ship may never sail, if you demand smooth sailing from dock to port; and likewise, hastily leaving the dock, during the onset of a hurricane is probably not wise either. One must find the balance, between.

And there is the old quote, "Calm seas don't make good sailors."

For whatever my advice is worth, and it may not be much; the way you feel right now, is probably indicative of a loss; in other words: the way you feel right now is, 'temporary.'

Life rarely goes as planned, if ever, overall.

And as always, finding a good man/woman partner, etc.. has been and probably always will be, a tough thing to do.

Philosophically speaking... The future will always be ahead, and out of reach. I can have dreams I want to realize for my life, but, many of them may not happen. If you have a life dream, all one can do is do their best to attain it. But, don't forget about daydreams. We all only get, really, about 1 life. But we usually have many days to work with. Maybe keep a few daydreams handy, while biding one's time..

No reason to lament the way one's life is going, at the expense of what could be the way one's day, or even just part of a day is going.

Sometimes we have to look at the big picture, and other times, we have to focus on the details.

And besides, as old Satchmo put it, "We've got all the time in the world..." No need to fret..
 
Not every dream comes true. That’s why dreams aren’t called reality. But as long as you’re drawing breath and have your wits about you, you’re free to pursue a different dream. Maybe it won’t seem or be the one you had hoped for but you can still be in the game, if you want to. Have you considered striving for a goal instead? I’ve heard of many more people fulfilling or reaching their goals than achieving their dreams.
 
Hi,

I am 29, 30 in autumn and I feel like I have ran out of time to live the life I always wanted. For me, I always dreamed of the stereotypical family ‘Christmas card’ house with a loving partner and one or two children.

I have been engaged but that didn’t work out and now I’m single, renting a house that isn’t awful but isn’t the dream, working every hour I can to save for a house deposit and pay off debts.

I feel like by the time I have sorted myself out financially, I have no time left to live the life I want and that makes me feel like giving up.

I have a great job and I have worked my way up to management. I earn a good salary and I do love my job.

Financially, I have made stupid decisions in the past so I’m struggling to save a deposit and pay bills at the same time but I’m a quarter of the way there.

Because I work so much and I am trying to save, I don’t really feel like dating because I’m not where I want to be in life and I don’t want that to distract me from my financial stability goal.

I’m scared that making the wrong choices in the past has ruined my chances of a happy future.

I always thought by 30 I would be settled with a husband and maybe a family in a house I owned and financially comfortable.

I just don’t feel like I have anything to offer right now.
So I had like... A bit of a meltdown when I was reaching 30 (I say a bit of a meltdown, but in truth I was like actively supernova for pretty much all of 29 - 30)

I felt like I needed to have everything under control and sorted, I should have a house by now, I should be making more money by now, I should have a wife by now... And it was something that I really struggled with. I felt like I was... "Behind" I guess on everyone else.

Then I turned 30, and I started talking to other people who were 30 who also didn't really have everything together either. They didn't own property, they were still dating trying to find the right person, they were still working on their careers.
I really thought that the minute time ticked over into being 30, that my entire life was going to change, that everyone was magically going to have different expectations of me (And that is... Kind of a bit true? People certainly do raise an eyebrow more now than they did before I was 30) but the reality that I experienced was... Nothing... Actually... Changed and a lot of people in their 30's are people in their 20's except now the teens/early 20's now call them dinosaurs

I guess I'm here to tell you that you certainly haven't ruined your chances of a happy future, you're not behind on anyone else and it's certainly not too late for you to have that happy future that you want, keep on doing what you're doing and things will work out for you.
 

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