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Tiredmomma

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Joined
Jan 22, 2023
Messages
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Location
Canada
Hey all. Im fairly new. Done more browsing then posting.

How do you handle being lonely. Sad. Alone.

I’ve been unable to drive to walk ( more then half hour ) for 15 mos due to a bad car accident.

It’s really starting to get to me. I’m bored of everything. Nothing makes me feel accomplished or useful.

I have physio and rehabilitation during the week. So I generally just live day to day. No one stops in anymore.
No one has time to pick me up and go anywhere.
My husband works and when he’s not working he’s sleeping. He has no desire to leave the house again once he’s home. Some days he stops and sees our granddaughters on his way home from work.
But I don’t get to. He doesn’t think that maybe is like too.

I’m so bored I wanna scream ! I don’t think people around me understand how hard it this to literally have to rely on others for anything. I hate it.

Weekends are the worst. As no one is around. At least during the week I have my physio and other appts.

Tv sucks. Games suck. Reading is hard still. ( brain injury )

Any tips are how to combat this feeling. I’ve tried all I can think of.
 
Is there any type of support group you could join? Are you religious where you might be able to help out at your church? Is there a place you could volunteer? I'm not sure what would be too much for you or what would be out of the question. Surely there is something you could do where you could arrange to have someone help you out to get there if you need or whatever. Hell, maybe see if you couldn't start a book club or something and meet at your house. Just anything that would enable you to be around people.

ETA...I know you said reading is still hard, I just used that as an example because it's what popped into my head.
 
Hey all. Im fairly new. Done more browsing then posting.

How do you handle being lonely. Sad. Alone.

I’ve been unable to drive to walk ( more then half hour ) for 15 mos due to a bad car accident.

It’s really starting to get to me. I’m bored of everything. Nothing makes me feel accomplished or useful.

I have physio and rehabilitation during the week. So I generally just live day to day. No one stops in anymore.
No one has time to pick me up and go anywhere.
My husband works and when he’s not working he’s sleeping. He has no desire to leave the house again once he’s home. Some days he stops and sees our granddaughters on his way home from work.
But I don’t get to. He doesn’t think that maybe is like too.

I’m so bored I wanna scream ! I don’t think people around me understand how hard it this to literally have to rely on others for anything. I hate it.

Weekends are the worst. As no one is around. At least during the week I have my physio and other appts.

Tv sucks. Games suck. Reading is hard still. ( brain injury )

Any tips are how to combat this feeling. I’ve tried all I can think of.
Ive been in similar situation to you - I can remember being stuck indoors where the only person I ever spoke to or saw was my husband. Work, tv, cleaning etc was it, same every day. Then he went to meet up with his friend, who he meets once a week for a pint and chat, has done for years before I met him. Guys night out. Then he went to another thing. He was constantly on the phone chatting to his brother and other family - people I barely know as they live too far away to meet up with regular and often. I dont have family so did not have that either.
He would suggest I watch another film! or read a book, all things I had already had my fill of and could have thought of for myself. I find interacting is better for me than just sitting reading or watching tv, I need my brain to be more engaged and having to think to distract me, which is one big reason I still work.
 
Is there any type of support group you could join? Are you religious where you might be able to help out at your church? Is there a place you could volunteer? I'm not sure what would be too much for you or what would be out of the question. Surely there is something you could do where you could arrange to have someone help you out to get there if you need or whatever. Hell, maybe see if you couldn't start a book club or something and meet at your house. Just anything that would enable you to be around people.

ETA...I know you said reading is still hard, I just used that as an example because it's what popped into my head.
I am in support groups. But truly other people’s posts just make me feel worse some days. Sometimes I can really relate.
It’s hard to find a ride from anyone. They all work. Truly everyone I used to talk to and hang with have slipped away over the last few years. And I used to reach out weekly to just say hi. But no one ever reaches out to me. Or responds until days later. It’s not worth it.
 
You could also have a wee look into volunteering remotely, all you need is an internet connection.

Here's a link https://volunteering.chester.ac.uk/lookingtovolunteer/virtualvolunteering/
I used to run a big charity, did it for five years. You would have to pay them an initial fee to sign up with them and to contribute towards the costs of signing you on and training you.But one thing you can do as a volunteer FROM HOME is work as a telephone comforter for NO PANIC. Once trained, which takes about twelve weeks once the training begins, you work as many shifts as you like taking calls from those who are struggling - they are transferred to your phone when you are on duty. Most other voluntary work will not work unless you are willing to do it full time or at least maybe twenty hours a week and also travel etc. AND they do not pay you expenses, quite often you are very much out of pocket.
 
I am in support groups. But truly other people’s posts just make me feel worse some days. Sometimes I can really relate.
It’s hard to find a ride from anyone. They all work. Truly everyone I used to talk to and hang with have slipped away over the last few years. And I used to reach out weekly to just say hi. But no one ever reaches out to me. Or responds until days later. It’s not worth it.

Oh, I didn't mean transportation from people you know. I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but in America, there are agencies and services for people who can't get around on their own so much. Some charge a small fee (like really small) and some don't. I'd wager Canada has something similar.
That's also why I suggested a church if you are at all religious. Most churches (at least in America where I live) would be more than willing to swing by and get you.
Do you to in person support groups? I bet they could arrange transportation for you.


Maybe you're the type that won't take help from others like that. I know plenty of those people. But let me put it this way. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Do what you have to do to get that interaction you need.
 
Oh, I didn't mean transportation from people you know. I'm not sure how it works in Canada, but in America, there are agencies and services for people who can't get around on their own so much. Some charge a small fee (like really small) and some don't. I'd wager Canada has something similar.
That's also why I suggested a church if you are at all religious. Most churches (at least in America where I live) would be more than willing to swing by and get you.
Do you to in person support groups? I bet they could arrange transportation for you.


Maybe you're the type that won't take help from others like that. I know plenty of those people. But let me put it this way. Your mental health is just as important as your physical health. Do what you have to do to get that interaction you need.
We do have a mobility bus. But it’s pricey. My OT takes me to my appt every week. And once the weather gets better we can get out more. It’s harder in the winter.

I’m working with my rehab team. I do have good support people. I think I’m just missing a personal connection.
 
I was laid up once with a bad breathing/lung problem that went on and on for ages.... I remember the support I was offered was always people who assumed I could not think or make decisions and would suggest things I can do at home etc! It was my lungs I had a problem with not my brain. I was already doing lots of things at home that suited me. I know how you feel. It's not about thinking of ways to get out - you can do this far better than anyone here - or where to go - again you know your likes and dislikes and your area far better - or hobbies - it's about touching base with a person 1 on 1. I remember I got so low with being stuck indoors alone that I rang a help line and even they did not get it, they tried to advise me of ways to get out etc, totally ignoring that I knew my situation and knew that to be impossible, like I did not know my situation better than them and had no initiative. They kept trying to rethink what I knew for a fact.

One guy asked me what food I like. I told him I like sausages with apple in them. He said they are best when you get them from a proper butcher. Yes I said, but we dont have any butcher within travelling distance of us who does them. Where do you live he said? I will tell you if there is one in your area! AN AREA I HAVE LIVED IN FOR 25 YEARS. So all those times I asked in all of the local butchers they lied to me! The odds of him knowing my area were about a million to one. The odds of him knowing what flavour sausages the butchers here sell was even worse. He was also ignoring I could not get out. In the end I gave up, it made it worse rather than better.
 
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It's hard. People can give suggestions, try this, try that; but, it's hard.

A major life change for the worse, is hard, especially a loss.

Then the state of mind sometimes changes too, as if the first change wasn't bad enough.

It's kind of like an Earthquake or natural disaster. You think the worst part was the quake, but then, you live each day, in the ruins, nothing is the same.

And then sometimes the people around us, also suffer, in their own way, because we are suffering, and it creates this weird rift, filled with guilt, and resentment, and isolation. It's pretty weird.

You're not alone. A lot of us have been through, 'it,' in one way or another, to varying degrees and severity.

If I may dare to say: I think it's okay, to make a new friend with, 'yourself;' and perhaps, maybe others would like to meet that new friend sometime down the road. And if some other friends are made along the way, or other connections happen to occur, the more the merrier! :)

--
I was just outside a bit earlier, sort of lamenting how everything seems to fall apart and fade away as time goes by. I sort of thought about how I didn't like that it makes me sad, and affects me in the way that it does; but, I also thought, 'eh, it ain't so bad being sad about all that.' I can't really describe it. Maybe just sort of like, you can only grieve over that spilled glass of milk for so long... heh.

It isn't so bad, really, is it? Sometimes, yes, it really is; but, then, perhaps later on, and at other times, it ain't so bad again, after all.
--

Tell that hubby you want to see those grand kids; and may a new spark relight the glow in your soul, and make things shine again.

Wear the time out well; and try not to let it wear you out. Time always wins in the end; but, make him work for it. :)
 

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