7 years of Depression - i want change

Hello:

Over the past seven ; I have been caught up in a very hurtful experience that bond me to this day. My life has been on the same level ; with little of no improvement for the last 7 years. The hurt I speak of came from family; people I once loved, and because of land, I was rumored, belittled and broken with lies and deception, it took my core.
I have doing a lot of thinking and I can't remain this way, I feel trap, I feel like iam failing. I know there is the possibility to live a good life , but since my experience nothing seem to go my way, it's just one negative after another.

I feel spell bond, nothing works, I need suggestions on what to do, how to get my life back. I need new friends ,a new experience and a new journey, I just dont know where to start.

What is it that you want? That's the first thing you need to figure out. Having an end goal is great, but I would start with small goals. Something that is relatively easy to accomplish so you can build your confidence on actually being able to get honeysuckle done. Maybe you could find a new hobby or volunteer somewhere. Both of those will give you something to do and give you the potential to meet new people who could become new friends. Don't be so hard on yourself, if you really want it, you'll find a way to make it happen. Branch out, think outside the box, try something new.

I appreciate your imput, I never though of voluntary work, but it's a good option , I will look into it today . my desire is just to leave immediately and find peace in a completely new environment and start over. I know what good life feels like and I want it back and you suggest a good place to start, Thank you again

^ Welcome to this forum!

Great! The most important thing to do is take action. Nothing will change unless you change it. Even taking small steps in the direction you want to go is a good thing.

Thank you, I realized that change starts with me that is why I am here on this forum- to learn how/ what works . I use to be the victim, but over time I learn to observe and its by observing that I saw things clearly and started letting go off hurt. I still overthink; especially at nights , but I am just desperately searching for the way to recovery..life is quite a journey

Great12050 said:

Hello:

Over the past seven ; I have been caught up in a very hurtful experience that bond me to this day. My life has been on the same level ; with little of no improvement for the last 7 years. The hurt I speak of came from family; people I once loved, and because of land, I was rumored, belittled and broken with lies and deception, it took my core.
I have doing a lot of thinking and I can't remain this way, I feel trap, I feel like iam failing. I know there is the possibility to live a good life , but since my experience nothing seem to go my way, it's just one negative after another.

I feel spell bond, nothing works, I need suggestions on what to do, how to get my life back. I need new friends ,a new experience and a new journey, I just dont know where to start.

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Admittedly I can't give you answers. I just wanted to lead with that. Being in the same boat as you for pretty much my entire adult life, I will say one thing; one of the most crushing days of my life was when I realized that there will never be "THEE day" that you stop feeling this way. This is all a continuum and depression is like an old prison guard that comes to check up on you every once in a while.

I think of this as mental kung fu now- I will never get so good that I am invincible and can deflect EVERY punch- but I can learn to defend myself better as opposed to just getting beaten down every day.

I wish you so much peace that you can store it in jars and keep it in surplus.

What really helped me with my journey was the previous taste of life when it wasn't miserable.
I put myself into that frame when I wasn't suffering. To re-feel what it felt like. Physically, mentally and emotionally.

I consciously attempted to feel what it would feel like if this suffering wasn't there. It took quite a bit of time to happen. But one day, I caught a glimpse. It happened and disappeared.

But it was an magical feeling. If this freedom is so beautiful even for a microsecond, imagine having it forever.

THIS was the point of change. I realized that I suffered because even though I told I wanted to let go, I didn't really want to. Suffering seemed good because I had something to cling to, a toy to play with. Without that suffering, I would be purposeless. And the continual suffering was due to the fear of being purposeless.

Once this realization happened, I was drawn more away from it. The desire to change started coming from the next morning. I did things with a lot of joy. And at the end of the day, I slept well. I was free.

If you WANT to drop this misery and burden, then drop it. Don't cling to it. Like the cigarette one is addicted to. Throw it away! Don't ask how. Read the underlined sentence again.
If your want is genuine, hold on to it. It will happen.