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So my last thread got a little hairy towards the end there and it was seen fit to close it. Understandably so. I'd like to apologize to those who found what I had to say offensive or upsetting. It was truth, but an unpleasant one nonetheless. Day 117. A couple of weeks ago I finally hooked up...

116 days. One hundred and sixteen days. It only took 116 days of abstinence before I wanted to kill myself. I like the idea of sitting in my car in the garage with the door closed and the engine running. My understanding is that carbon monoxide poisoning is gentle. You just fall asleep. I...

My anxiety is getting worse. I can't even see a child on television without getting waves of panic. Today at work we had a meeting. Our conference room has tinted glass that you can see out of but not into. There was a woman walking past the room on her way to the main entrance. She had her...

I'm celebrating 83 days "clean and sober" now. It's getting more and more difficult. In my last post I talked about difficulties dealing with encountering children in public. I'm finding they are more difficult to avoid than I'd ever thought. Who brings their daughter to the town permit office...

Darn good indeed. Perhaps I could listen to...I don't know...NerdyGirl's podcast :-)

I'm not lying. There would be no point in lying. I have nothing to prove to anybody here. So if I were lying it would only be me trying to lie to myself. But when people lie to themselves it is typically about abstractions; trying to tell themselves they are funny or suave when in reality they...

I've never had this happen before so I never thought it necessary to avoid children beyond obvious things like not taking certain jobs such as a camp counselor. Now that this is an issue, yes, it will be necessary to try and avoid children for the time being. But the fact of that matter is that...

I don't think it works that way. I couldn't focus my attraction on adult women and unlearn my attraction to young girls any more than I could unlearn my attraction to adult women and focus on children or stop being attracted to redheads because I also like blondes...

When a guy goes to the beach and is surrounded by women in bikinis, I suppose the difference there is that there's no reason for him to not have thoughts about those women. He's free to think whatever he likes. But me, I have to control my thoughts. It hurts not being able to be yourself, even...

Hello again, to those of you who know me. For those of you who don't please read the opening post of my inaugural thread before reading the rest of this post. http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-pedophilia So, as an update, I am 63 days child porn free. Part of me is very very proud of that and...

LITM, you weren't offensive at all. From your post I sense a lot of tolerance and acceptance and I'm thankful for that. And you're right, openness and honesty are what I need. Being open about this makes me feel comfortable talking about it and that allows me to find support when I'm feeling...

I love gaming. But I've been trying to stay away from games lately because I feel unproductive when I game and I don't like that. But you're right, it would make for a terrific distraction. Looks like it's time to pick up Minecraft again. :-D

I live with my mother, moved in with her last year. I could go on some long winded diatribe about the economy but that's been done to death and is irrelevant. The point of me bringing this up is that we have family visiting from outside the country. My mother's cousin and her 11 year old...

Thank you. All of you. Even those of you who don't support me. You bring balance (to the force) by revealing those who do support me and how strong their support is. It wasn't that long ago that the mere idea of talking about this with another human being was so terrifying it was totally out of...

For this response let me first clarify the position I'm in. I'm sensing an underlying concern with people responding that there's a possibility that I may one day act on my urges with a real live child. I'd like to assuage those concerns but with a realistic qualifier. As I said before, I've...

First let me say thank you to all of you who have replied so far. I was afraid the responses would be more of a judgemental outcry but you've all been constructive and helpful. I very much appreciate that. Secondly, in response to nerdygirl's question. I am "non-exclusive" (I think that's the...

I'm a pedophile. I have NEVER done ANYTHING inappropriate to a child. It first started when I was 14. It started as a 14 year old boy who wanted to look at 14 year old girls. 14 became 13, became 12 and so on and so forth until I got down to 4 year olds. Then one day I saw pictures of a 3 year...