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That one thing I'm tired of hearing over and over from people who just don't get it!
#1
"....why don't you...."

• join a club
• join a team
• join a group
• join a church
• volunteer
• help out with...

You know why? Of course you do...because it makes things worse. For me anyway.
Because if I do any of those things, I'm surrounded by people and I have a good time....and the I go home alone.

I sleep alone. I eat dinner alone. I watch TV alone.

If alone I'm meant to be, I'd rather spend my time alone, because after a few hours around people, it truly sucks to spend the night alone again.

I also noticed that just like any other forum on the Internet, this place too has that 16% of nosy busybodies who have an answer to everything, who don't know what it's like to go through what many of us experience day in and day out. These armchair closet Dr. Phil people, without the benefit of education or training, or personal experience, always have an opinion/answer/solution to everything.

Folks, honestly, many of us come here for one reason, and venting and sharing experiences and thoughts can make one feel better...the last thing many of us need is to be lectured on how we are supposed to be running our lives, lectured by these opinionated gasbags who don't realize all they are doing is hurting us more.
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#2
Alone and lonely is the name of my private chatroom :/

I too am alone the vast vast majority of the time.

Even if you don't think their advice is any good. At least people are showing that they care. They are just trying to do the best to help you. Give people here a chance.
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#3
(03-22-2016, 11:02 AM)58 Voyager Wrote: I also noticed that just like any other forum on the Internet, this place too has that 16% of nosy busybodies who have an answer to everything, who don't know what it's like to go through what many of us experience day in and day out. These armchair closet Dr. Phil people, without the benefit of education or training, or personal experience, always have an opinion/answer/solution to everything.

How exactly do you know they don't know what it's like to go through it?
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#4
I hear this often too. It's funny to me because it's like many people don't realize that introversion is a thing. I can like to be alone, but also be lonely at the same time. I don't like social settings, especially when I don't really know anyone. I want someone to be alone with. That's the best way I can describe it.

It's the same thing with people telling me I always need to work on myself before worrying about others. I get it, I do. But sometimes I wonder if that's why the world is the way it is. Maybe if people helped others more things would be better and the world would be kinder.
"Once you assume a creator and a plan, it makes us objects in an experiment." - Christopher Hitchens
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#5
The most sanctimonious place on the internet after Tumblr.
I'm actually David Blane.
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#6
(03-22-2016, 11:02 AM)58 Voyager Wrote: I also noticed that just like any other forum on the Internet, this place too has that 16% of nosy busybodies who have an answer to everything, who don't know what it's like to go through what many of us experience day in and day out. These armchair closet Dr. Phil people, without the benefit of education or training, or personal experience, always have an opinion/answer/solution to everything.

Folks, honestly, many of us come here for one reason, and venting and sharing experiences and thoughts can make one feel better...the last thing many of us need is to be lectured on how we are supposed to be running our lives, lectured by these opinionated gasbags who don't realize all they are doing is hurting us more.

Insulting other members and name calling isn't permitted here. Also not a good way to be part of the community when you do that.

(03-22-2016, 11:27 AM)Xpendable Wrote: The most sanctimonious place on the internet after Tumblr.

And as for you who should know better, enjoy your few days off.
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#7
I've given this advice before, but it's always been a mixed bag for me.
1) If I don't do this, I KNOW things won't get better. No one is just going to knock on my door or walk up to me on the street and ask to hang out, and I've never had an online friendship that turned "real", it's extremely unlikely I'll find someone who I both get along with and live nearby enough. Therefore, NOT joining clubs, volunteering etc feels like it isn't even an option.
but
2) When I go out to these places, put the effort in, and STILL fail... Christ, it's been the primary source for most of my mental breakdowns these past few years. Being exposed to happy social people while being unable to join in can really put a dent in your confidence.

It feels like a choice between slowly slipping into insanity by staring at my laptop screen all day, or taking a risk, trying to make things better, and quickly breaking down if things go bad. I guess, for me, I'd rather take that risk at this stage.

Look, ultimately, you don't know a 100% foolproof fix to your problems. Neither do the people who give you advice, and I suspect they don't think they do either. All we can do is do our best given our experiences to try and come up with a solution. There's no reason to get mad at the people who try to help by giving some advice, even if it is fairly generic.
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#8
58 Voyager> I know what you mean. I do most of the things you list yet I'm pretty much always alone. Doing things like that can be tough because there are so many couples there. That just reinforces the pain I am in and pushes me back away.

When people tell me I should just do (whatever it is I should do), I point out that I am already doing that. They then say I should do it again, which ironically I was already planning on doing it again. It still doesn't solve any problems. Especially since the people that are at the events are there to solve my problems, they are there so solve someone else's issues (since that is what most volunteer/charity work is for). *laughs*
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#9
I believe it is better to take what you think will help you, and leave the rest. It can be very exhausting to hear over and over that people aren't willing to try things because it doesn't work.

Sometimes, that fulfillment we need isn't going to be brought to us by the outside world. A lot of it has to do with ourselves, on the inside.

What kind of meaning are you searching for in your life? Perhaps that will help you find the answers you need.

I am, for one, guilty of seeing people as being in my face when trying to give advice. But often that is a result of the emotions I am feeling at the time. Have you ever been calm, and gone back to read what people have said? It's amazing how not so hostile people start sounding when you aren't ranting...
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#10
Sometimes I have suggested on here in posts that joining things might be a good idea, but I do 'get' loneliness very much as I am lonely pretty much all the time. OP-I go to a group then come home to no one and loneliness engulfs me again. At groups I am aware (by hearing others talk) that the vast majority of members have full lives outside the groups, that their attendance at groups is only a peripheral for many of them and that their 'real' life is lived elsewhere. For me, if I didn't go to groups, I would see almost no one from one week to the next, so although I feel really lonely when I come in to an empty house (and to a pretty empty life) the alternative would be to stay at home alone all the time. This is why I have suggested joining things on here because at least it gets people out of the house and provides some company.
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