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She found someone new..
i am a 30 year old man who is broken and broke.. there are two people i consider friends whom i speak to once every couple years.. most of my family lives 2,000 miles away, and the rest even farther.. to put it simply, i have been mostly alone for the past few months..

out of loneliness, i decided to text my ex tonight.. like an essay long dramatic text about how miserable my life has been recently and how bad i am at my job.. of course i also mentioned how much i miss her and reminisced about our past.. 

first thing she replied was "so dramatic".. which i totally understand given the context of my message.. she then proceeded to console me, saying that she wanted me to be happy and asked about my current situation..  good sign right? NOPE.. she then told me how great her life is and that she's seeing someone.. 

this made me sick.. literally.. like my stomach felt like it was gonna implode and my heart was being pricked by a thousand needles.. i thought she was the one.. the thought of her being with someone else was my worst fear and it just came true.. my plan has always been to try and get her back once i am in a better state.. but now, i suddenly feel like i've lost my purpose.. 

now i am afraid that i will end up alone for the rest of my life.. it is hard for me to make friends, and even harder to keep them.. i have no luck with the opposite sex as i was never ever close to being decent looking.. 

has anyone here been in a similar situation?

This is a very common thing and it's an experience and a feeling I was once very familiar with. It seems unthinkable that someone you hold so dear could have moved on and/or be with someone else, and the level of hurt is pretty indescribable. That said, things do get better and it's very important that you remember to value yourself and that the ending of a relationship isn't some sort of indictment of you or your character. Sometimes things don't work out and no matter how much sifting through the past you do it won't make things better, what I found was that there were no sure answers and nothing to be gained by the answers anyway.

My three top tips would be...:

1) Stop being in touch with the ex, at least for a good while. There may come a point where you decide on friendship or something, but the waters have to have all passed under the bridge before that can happen.

2) Think of yourself and your wellbeing, remember that you're still a decent and important person (you only feel so damn awful because you have a heart, which is a good thing and something to be proud of).

3) Look to the future, think about what you want in life. On the one hand something like this gives you enormous freedom and you can choose to do certain things (a friend of mine went backpacking in Chile for 6 months when this happened to him), and on the other hand it opens up the opportunity for future dating and relationships. Bottom line of this point is that you have freedom of choice and lots to look forward to.

On the subject of future dates, in my experience it's a bad idea to try dating too early after a break up. I dated too soon after mine and was lucky to hold on to the girl who is now my wife as I gave her so much to deal with when we first got together. I'm very lucky that it panned out for me, there are plenty of stories of rushing into other relationships and things not ending so swell. Planning a future dating strategy etc is certainly a good and positive thing, but don't rush it. Our emotions are strange things and a big heartache can take a long time to get through.

Look after yourself and try to look at the positives. There will be other girls, she's not the only one in the universe.

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