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New Here
#18
(02-27-2021, 07:51 AM)Fay F Wrote:
(02-27-2021, 06:57 AM)kvolm2016 Wrote: I guess that is not surprising but I'm sorry to hear it.  Since he is not in a place where he is willing to deal with his issues and the relationship issues, would you consider doing counseling on your own?  That might at least give you some strategies for how to communicate with him and deal with his issues so they are not having such a negative impact on you.

Well, since I posted my intro, so much has happened. He is now out of my home, living at a motel for the next week because I had to call the police on him for threatening me. He claims to want to work on his behaviour but we shall see. We've been together 16 years, the roots are deep, it wasn't always abusive. It wasn't always that I felt so lonely.

He has become complacent, apathetic, lazy...taking me for granted. I tolerated for too long in the name of keeping the peace because I'm not one who can handle anger and conflict. I am emotionally very sensitive and any negativity is absorbed into my spirit and brings me down terribly.

Right now I am in therapy and am taking a workshop with a Self-Esteem coach who is a lovely woman. I'm trying to heal.

My ultimate wish is that he would realize that he is toxic in the relationship, but that he is also an unhappy person and needs to figure out his life and what truly makes him happy, and that I cannot be the one to save him or be his caretaker/mom. Of course, I need to keep boundaries and continue to work on myself too.

I'm just diving into my art and focusing on me, my home and my furkids. I don't know how this will play out, but I always have hope. My therapist calls it "the disease of hope" when it comes to abused women (spouses).

But I'm an optimist and like I said, hope for the best. I have to just focus on myself and see how this unfolds!

Thanks Fay for the update. I'm sorry that this incident happened but of course in the long run it certainly is better for you.  And yes 16 years is a long investment so you do recognize that it will take time to unravel the hurt and get to the healing.  But it sounds like you have great resources in place to be moving in a very positive direction.  Your strength will come and go throughout this process but in those moments of need, lean into the people around you who can lend you some of their strength for the moment so you can continue to move toward that hope for your future!
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Messages In This Thread
New Here - by Fay F - 02-18-2021, 08:52 PM
RE: New Here - by TheRealCallie - 02-18-2021, 09:18 PM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-18-2021, 11:54 PM
RE: New Here - by Abstamyous - 02-19-2021, 12:07 AM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-19-2021, 12:09 AM
RE: New Here - by Finished - 02-19-2021, 12:46 AM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-19-2021, 12:52 AM
RE: New Here - by Forgottendanfan - 02-19-2021, 05:04 AM
RE: New Here - by Sunless Sky - 02-19-2021, 05:22 AM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-23-2021, 11:47 PM
RE: New Here - by kvolm2016 - 02-25-2021, 03:57 PM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-27-2021, 02:09 AM
RE: New Here - by kvolm2016 - 02-27-2021, 06:57 AM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 02-27-2021, 07:51 AM
RE: New Here - by kvolm2016 - 03-04-2021, 03:48 PM
RE: New Here - by Fay F - 03-09-2021, 02:35 AM
RE: New Here - by Lacrecia - 02-19-2021, 05:22 AM
RE: New Here - by kvolm2016 - 02-19-2021, 05:50 AM
RE: New Here - by Kristina - 02-21-2021, 06:16 PM

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