Persevere or end it?

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newnamenewlife?

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I was just wondering how long a person has to persevere for in a life that's making them miserable. I have 2 kids that i do love dearly but they are the only people I trust to stay by my side and that's because they're dependent on me. even they will leave me when they're older. I do have a partner (their dad) but I don't trust that relationship either. He left me last year and came back many months later but it is such an empty relationship that it's making me sadder being a part of it. I feel very disconnected from everything and all I look forward to is sleep at night and then i have to wake up the next day and live another day where i wonder what the point is. I've thought about moving somewhere quiet and writing off my previous life and then i won't be disappointed at how little everyone who was meant to care about me does. I would really love to not exist but i am trapped by the 2 little people who need me.

thoughts?
 
Hi!
Those two little people are the best! I've got my own, one little one, who is my motivation. I've been divorced for 8 years. It's hard, most times, but there's good things too. Often I feel like I had my chance for love, chose wrong, and now it's my daughter's turn for my attention, at least until she becomes and adult, and then it's my turn again. Other times, I feel like, "WHY NOT MEEEE!"

Have you had an opportunity to see your doctor? You mentioned that you look forward to sleeping, basically shutting out the world. That's a definite depression sign. It doesn't mean you need to go on pills (which do not have the stigma they used to have), but that will let him/her know what's going on and be able to advise you.

You've found a great place to chat when you need it, and that's a great step. Welcome.
 
I haven't been consistent with the antidepressants because of weight issues. My body has been out of whack hormonally. If you looked at my stats on a piece of paper you'd go that's not so bad. We have a house, 2 great kids, i have a degree, size 8, etc but I don't feel connected to anyone and I am just so tired of being rejected all the time. I don't wanna make an effort to connect with the other half anymore. I feel like i let things be bad for too long and its too late. My soul is worn out. I tried to connect with someone last night and basically rejected again. Every rejection is a confirmation that i can't take much more battering and i feel like not trying anymore.
 
Wow, wish I was a size 8 again. :)

The connection you tried to make last night, was it with a guy? Maybe you're not really ready for that. We do tire out. How old are you? I'm 35 (ouch), and I find that I'm just not who I was ten years ago, mentally, physically, and probably hormonally, so I know that affects my moods.

You'll find a lot of good connections here, people to just talk with, rant with, etc. What do you do for a living?
 
I find being size 8 good and bad. It actually attracts more of the superficial connections which in turn discourages me from trying. Yeah, it was a guy last night. I thought enough of him to do it once when I was separated and now he doesn't wanna talk to me. I feel kinda used. I was getting kinda desperate last night hoping that there might be someone in the world who'd restore my faith. I had to quit my job last week (due to the kiddies and stupid rostering that meant it would've cost me money to work thanks to expensive childcare and s*it pay). I'm 26 so I am still young...
 
Hi New Name,

You sound like an awesome person. What a brave woman you are to keep going for your little ones who love you so much! You have accomplished so much so far in your life. I felt just like you do just a few short months ago. I was barely hanging on by a thin, frayed thread.

I couldn't stand to wake up in the morning--reality would come crashing in. Anxiety and depression racked me from the second I woke my eyes. I longed to go back to sleep and dream--my dreams were so much better than my reality!
 
I'm not a counselor, but I've been around enough (because I've gone to them and also taken my daughter to help her adjust to visitation, etc) to be able to suggest this as a step. Not because they can save the world, and not saying that all are good at it. You have to "shop around". What good they are, or can be, is to make suggestions on how to help you, as an individual, giving suggestions that a layman like myself would not even know existed. They are specialists. Now, if it were a math education question, I could help there! :)

What I do know from experience, is that when you're going through your own personal termoil, it doesn't help to search for a physical attraction. They never work out during that time. You said you had a partner (the father), are you married? If so, then maybe that's something you need to focus on (either continuing or dissolving), with him and a counselor, before looking for that connection from someone else. Otherwise, you're trying to balance a lot of plates, and that alone can be stressful.

You want some sort of positive change right now, we all do. Maybe it can just be something small. Brainstorm on something you don't like (could even be as small as repainting a bathroom or changing your dish pattern), and change it. Even small steps like that can make you feel better.
 
I think the world is essentially an awful place and that luckily there are some nice people in it to keep a person clinging on to the belief that it might be bearable. I used to go to church once upon a time but I am overly cynical that like everything else it is just an organisation geared towards raising revenue to benefit its elite 'servants'. Everything just seems to be about money. Why isn't it about people? I felt like saying last night - why are you shooting down a genuine person who wants to make a connection with you because she thought you were worth it? I spent ages last night thinking about getting a teddy purely for the purposes of someone to cuddle who won't abandon me. Its sad when you can't turn towards anything but inanimate objects for solace.
 
I left my current church a year ago, for that same reason. I felt the attitude was swaying too much toward money, especially when I would get funding requests at least once a week in the mail from one committee or another.

I attended several, on my own, and have, for now, settled into one where that doesn't seem to be it's focus. (at this time). In this church I've visited many Sunday school classes, trying to find my place. Right now, I'm sitting in a retired adults class, because I like the lessons. I haven't officially joined this church, but I may. I'm watching and learning what they're about.

I've tried not to blame all of the churches for the problems of one (or of many as it often seems). It's hard not to, though. I try not to think of all men the same as my ex. He was different, not like other men, or so I keep reminding myself. This is one of the methods I use to stay positive: The experience I have with someone or some event, doesn't mean that all someones or some events will be the same, so I hang on so that I can find out. I look for the joyfull differences.

You're great to talk with. I'm glad you're here.
 
Newname,

It's also something to consider: getting a little dog. I really think that if every young woman had a small, devoted male dog like Toto, there would be so much less sadness in this world!

I've had a similar feeling about church: Sometimes it feels really true and beautiful, and at other times, it seems as though we are clinging to the afterlife to make us feel better when this life sucks so terribly.
 
Lonelygirl,

We got a dog earlier this year. Its actually a pain in the ass. very very destructive. We have a new dining room window because of this dog! wrong breed. the kids love the dog though. I think i just need a new life. New partner, new job, new town, new people, new everything. Then there's no sadness about the old being a disappointment or a bad match for me. Or is that just running away?
 
There is nothing wrong with running away from pain. What good would it do you to roll around and be thoroughly coated in pain? You are an example to your children of how to deal with life's pain. Moving on is the brave thing to do! Give yourself more credit!
 
I agree with teach about you not being ready for a new relationship. You need a good friend first! Someone with whom you can go out and talk about everything! Then, when the time is right and you feel confident, then maybe you will start looking for someone else that makes you happy.
 
You made an excellent point about churches. They're all about money today and it should be about people.
I've gone to church, when I was able, I've joined support groups, I've reached out to so many people over the years, and there was no one that gave a flying-fig what really became of me even though I've always been there for others when they needed someone.
But I'll tell you when you really find out who your friends truly are; when ya become ill.. The ones that stick by ya when things get rough, those are the people that can make all the difference.
You're lucky you have children, someone that needs you. You are making a difference, you do matter, don't doubt that for a second.
The world is an awful place and you have to find happiness where you can... Just as long as it doesn't hurt anyone else that is..
 
Welcome Queen Cleocatra!

I hope your post doesn't mean you've had a terrible illness. If it does, I hope that being online means you are feeling much better!

Your words are very true about finding happiness. Thank you for sharing!!!
 
Hey Teach,

Thanks for the welcome.
I'm not suffering from an illness, well, I suppose in a way I am. It's called chronic pain.
Being online is about the only thing that gets me through the long, lonely days..

Hugs,

Cleo

teach said:
Welcome Queen Cleocatra!

I hope your post doesn't mean you've had a terrible illness. If it does, I hope that being online means you are feeling much better!

Your words are very true about finding happiness. Thank you for sharing!!!
 

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