futurecatlady
Well-known member
Hello there,
I have been lurking around for a while, reading the other posts. It's quite comforting to know that there are other people who feel almost exactly the same way I do. Obviously, I do not actively wish loneliness upon anyone else, but if it has to exist it's nice to be able to interact with others who experience it.
I will probably post other fun tidbits later on, but I will just give you a brief introduction to what I'm about for now. I think the best word to describe me would be "invisible." Invisible in social situations of any kind, invisible to boys (something of a misnomer; at my age pursuing "boys" would probably land me in jail), even invisible to my own friends.
I have always had trouble keeping friends, from a very young age. I would have one or two at a time, and then they would bore of me and move on to better, more interesting playmates. That trend has not changed, except for a few notable exceptions who I fear will forget me soon as well.
I am part of a few circles due to volunteering and social awareness activities that I engaged in, and although I get along with the people and consider them good and kind individuals (they are, after all, altruistic), I am always forgotten. I am never invited to events or parties, and when I look at pictures of the few that I do have the chance to go to, I am never in any of them. I feel like I am out of sight, out of mind. When I'm shoved in their faces I am a suitable distraction, but no one would go so far as to actively recruit my presence. I feel like I do not even exist.
And finally (I'm almost done, promise), I feel like it's all my fault. From the time that I first achieved self-awareness, I became self-aware of the fact that I am a loser. I feel like it is a privilege to be talked to, a privilege that is bestowed upon me at the discretion of others. I wish that I could blame it on the world, that I could hate the people who reject me, but I can't. I see so much beauty in others, so much life and energy and wonderful people I cannot have access to because of whatever it is that I lack. There is something wrong with me that is keeping me alone, and I wish that I could figure out what that is.
I guess my "brief" introduction turned into an essay. If I haven't bored you to death, then thanks for reading.
I have been lurking around for a while, reading the other posts. It's quite comforting to know that there are other people who feel almost exactly the same way I do. Obviously, I do not actively wish loneliness upon anyone else, but if it has to exist it's nice to be able to interact with others who experience it.
I will probably post other fun tidbits later on, but I will just give you a brief introduction to what I'm about for now. I think the best word to describe me would be "invisible." Invisible in social situations of any kind, invisible to boys (something of a misnomer; at my age pursuing "boys" would probably land me in jail), even invisible to my own friends.
I have always had trouble keeping friends, from a very young age. I would have one or two at a time, and then they would bore of me and move on to better, more interesting playmates. That trend has not changed, except for a few notable exceptions who I fear will forget me soon as well.
I am part of a few circles due to volunteering and social awareness activities that I engaged in, and although I get along with the people and consider them good and kind individuals (they are, after all, altruistic), I am always forgotten. I am never invited to events or parties, and when I look at pictures of the few that I do have the chance to go to, I am never in any of them. I feel like I am out of sight, out of mind. When I'm shoved in their faces I am a suitable distraction, but no one would go so far as to actively recruit my presence. I feel like I do not even exist.
And finally (I'm almost done, promise), I feel like it's all my fault. From the time that I first achieved self-awareness, I became self-aware of the fact that I am a loser. I feel like it is a privilege to be talked to, a privilege that is bestowed upon me at the discretion of others. I wish that I could blame it on the world, that I could hate the people who reject me, but I can't. I see so much beauty in others, so much life and energy and wonderful people I cannot have access to because of whatever it is that I lack. There is something wrong with me that is keeping me alone, and I wish that I could figure out what that is.
I guess my "brief" introduction turned into an essay. If I haven't bored you to death, then thanks for reading.