"Love isn't what it's cracked up to be."

Does anyone else really, really hate it when people say that? Or some variation, like "Men are trouble. You're better off single" or "Trust me, you're the lucky one." I find it so insufferably patronizing. Sorry bub, being alone my whole life does not make me better off, and if your boy is really that much trouble, feel free to dump him and join me in my palace of good fortune.

I was having dinner with friends the other day, some of whom are like me and perpetually single, and others who have/had boyfriends. The single ones were being admittedly sappy and naive with talks of love songs and wondering if we will ever feel that spark. In the midst of our cooing, one non-lonely member of the group just had to pipe in with, "Hahaha, while you are thinking that relationships are so wonderful, we know the truth, am I right? Screw love, right?" and the other one emphatically nodded.

I love my friends, but it took a lot of effort to keep myself from choking the both of them.

I really can't stand people acting so weary and war-torn, as if they are the wise elder and I am an innocent child who is dreaming of a fairy land. I know as much as the next person that relationships are a lot of work, and I've seen the devastation that a broken heart can cause. Of course I don't think that love is made out of unicorns and magic; I just hold the relatively uncontroversial belief that it beats coming home to an empty house every night. Telling me that I'm better off without love is like yelling "Money doesn't buy happiness, you know!" to starving children in India while driving around in a Mercedes. It's, like, 110% true, but a moot point when you're talking to people who have nothing.

Anyway, WOW I am going to shut up before I am drawn and quartered for boring the eyeballs off every hapless visitor to this thread. Sorry for yet another obscenely long post.

EDIT: And by boring I mean yawn-boring, not like some sort of violent assault.

I absolutely love your humor, wordplay, and phrasing, catlady... I find it absolutely endearing for some reason I can't fully explain. You get at least 60 points in my book just for that alone. And them ain't small beans.

I completely understand the feeling. It's not so much that they really mean that love is hard... they're just kind enough to remind you that YOU aren't privileged enough to be experiencing the same things that they are. I've known people like that.

Then I got smart and punched them in the mouth. I'm not spending my life around people who lord it over others like that. My happiness does quite well without such bitterness, thanks.

*HUG* I hope everything goes alright for you, catlady...and if you ever want to chat about stuff, feel free to PM me or whatever.

Anyway, WOW I am going to shut up before I am drawn and quartered for boring the eyeballs off every hapless visitor to this thread. Sorry for yet another obscenely long post.

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I like the way you describe honeysuckle

and seriously people who say money can't buy happiness are for some reason completely oblivious to the amount of jet skis and kittens you can buy with money shesh I mean it can't bring everlasting happiness but nothing can not even love.

but i mean come on

how can you not smile while looking at that

I think some of it is the we want what we can't have or what we've never had before, like an unopened present. It can be anything and everything we want in our minds eye, but there is no such thing as that perfect boy or girl. So we get a deficient person that is still great but not quite up to our fantasy standards.

There's also the emotional baseline to consider when we get into a relationship everything is great and butterflies, but then after a while we get use to it and we feel the exact same as before

life is just a never ending treadmill towards happiness

and by the way *hugs*



good luck on your date questing if you ever need a mage I'm the chick to call,

black mages make the best wingmans/ womans

( the fact that I'm single does no way reflect my constant rpg references)

great post, and I totally stand in solidarity with your frustration at this annoying habbit that some non-single people tend to commit from time to time.

futurecatlady said:

Of course I don't think that love is made out of unicorns and magic; I just hold the relatively uncontroversial belief that it beats coming home to an empty house every night.

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very well said! I think many perpetually single people are free of this false idealization of what relationships are like, they just want somebody to love and live life with.

sure, sometimes I can tell myself that being single is way better than being in a relationship when I look at other people locked in constant battles, depressed, stressed and essentially broke because their girlfriend ownes their income...

but most times i'm looking at the more functional examples around me, and some days it kills thinking about what i am missing out on.

futurecatlady said:

Telling me that I'm better off without love is like yelling "Money doesn't buy happiness, you know!" to starving children in India while driving around in a Mercedes. It's, like, 110% true, but a moot point when you're talking to people who have nothing.

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Quoted for truth + Awesomeness

futurecatlady said:

EDIT: And by boring I mean yawn-boring, not like some sort of violent assault.

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While you didn't really need to clarify that, I must admit that when I read that sentence I did the unpleasant conjuration of a drill bit heading towards an eyeball in my mind.

hey and welcome

It's been 2 side of the coin for me.
I've been in relationships all my life. I experinced many, many wonderful years and have a lot of great memories.
I've also experinced the down side of it. Maybe it was just the woman or women I chose to be with or attacted to.
Everyone of these women all say they love me. And I belive they all still do at different levels.
Unconditional love is not easy...

The unconditional love I'm able to give today is to my duaghters. I love them very much. The relationship
and love I share with my duaghters are totally awsume.


As far as forming a relationship with a woman...I've pretty much tried my best and tried to be
the best partner that can possibly be. Even though I'm single at the moment. I've healed from
the heartaches of break ups. i wish miss right would step into my life right now
(be careful what you ask for becuase you might get it)lol

At the very least...I can say. I've loved and I've love deeply.
It's better to lost at love than to had never loved at all....
I have always hope and want to be love and in love with one person (it's one of challenge in life I have a hard time accepting).
Maybe someday she'll come and find out how much she really means to me...
By default, fate or act of god...I ended up forming long term relationships with several women....
Not what my grandmama would had wanted me to do...but its life on life's term.
I'll continue to leave my heart open. Life gose on until I die. As long as I live, I'll take a chance on love anytime,
even if it means I might get hurted.

Even when it pretains to Jenni. I fell very much in love with Jenni. She was the perfect woman for me.
She loved me like I needed to be loved. I'm grateful I have good memories of her. The love she had givien
me while she was still alive. it's hasn't been easy for me to let her go or move on with my life.
I belive Jenni would want me to. I belive Jenni would want me to love and be happy.
Her love for me still lives within me today.

I think when people say that, they mean it in good way. Unaware that you're not the most naive person on the planet, they want to warn you of the downsides of love and relationships. But.. duh! Even if all you ever do is bury your face in romance novels and teen vampire movies, you still know that love comes with it's downsides, hurt, and broken hearts.

I find that those warnings are best left for pre-teens experiencing puppy love for the first time or crazy people who live in denial all of the time. The rest of us want to experience the pleasantries of love and are willing to take the good with the bad.

Although I'm a man I have to disagree with the original poster, based on my own experience. I had my first real relationship at a relatively advanced age after years of being more or less totally isolated. What seemed like 'salvation' slowly became a perpetual hell. So, returning to being alone becomes doubly difficult. I truly wish I had never been involved in the first place. Ive been drinking so I apologize if this is unclear

So very true, people who are together are suddenly sagely to us single people. However, people just do not really think about those things. So you have one option break them up and show them. Or... hmmm something.

futurecatlady said:

Of course I don't think that love is made out of unicorns and magic; I just hold the relatively uncontroversial belief that it beats coming home to an empty house every night.

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I happen to like unicorns and magic. :O and also, don't you hate it when people say that every man is a dog? Like...oh, he'll go out and cheat on you, even if he IS deeply and truly in love with you. My mom was telling me that yesterday and I was like, "NOOO MOM!!!~ please don't tell me that, not EVERY guy will cheat on you D:<" it really frustrated me cuz my ex-boyfriend wasn't that type of guy, and yet she always assumed the worst of him. She never even met him, so bleh. Dunno what her problem is. \(-__-)/

Her problem is that she was cheated on by some guys, Caroline. lol

And I have to agree. Not every man is a dog, but plenty of them are. You just have to be careful in looking for a guy, that's all.

If people approached romantic relationships the same way they approached buying a house or a new car, then we'd have less problems in the world. *sigh*