why do i fall in love so often?

Hi all,

I am a 28 year old guy. just to give a brief about myself: i am considered by people around to me to be very sociable, desirable and trustworthy. i am employed (lol), and i have friends. so, from the outside - here is a chap with all going well.

well, wait a minute.. is that so, really?

nooo.. i suppose i have a strange issue; i fall in love with women who[/font] do not reciprocate my feelings. certainly not their fault, if they have done so, that was with proper reasons of their own. i find ways to love them insoite of many factors that shouts out loud that it would be a difficult task. but i still find ways to fall in love with them! and, to add to that, what i dont understand is: even after they make it clear that a relationship is impossible, i cant let them go and i wont let them go. i just hang on and on until it becomes a disaster with the word mess written all over. well, i know one thing that i am good at - once it becomes a super-mess, i leave. oh yes, i define leaving. there is perhaps no better leaver. u know why? i disappear from their world. and what happens? i lose yet another friend or contact.

now, can someone help me to figure out a way to not depend on a girl for love? i have found that i spend little time thinking about myself, instead i think about them! i care about them like a parent does and i am all theirs when they require some help. i expect them to call me, always, yes i said always, and i count the days when they havent gotten in touch with me! and yes, i did say i am male!! all i need to be is a focussed person who doesnt wait for a women to call or text. i just want to be strong.

i could go on for ever, but that wont solve the problem, will it?

any suggestions anyone? i am in need of some helping hand.

It sounds like you have a lot of love to give, but instead of saving it for someone who cares about you, you toss it anyone who crosses your path. You have to learn some restraint. Everything you said sounds good, but it's wasted and becomes just plain stalkerish if the woman doesn't share your feelings. And your level of devotion/obsession might seem frightening to someone who hasn't had a chance to get to know you well yet.

You have to find a way to tone it down.

i feel i am in a similar situation right now. its not that it happens all the time, but it is happening right now. and i dont know if it is love because i havent ever been in love before. all i know is that i really want to try to start something with this woman and everytime i try to bring it up and initiate anything she takes a step back. despite the fact that at this point my mind is throwing up red flags telling me to let it go, i cant stop thinking about her. she knows how i feel and i have told her several times through messages on myspace/facebook. but in person i never get to talk to her about it. due to being hurt a lot in the past she has a seemingly impenetrable wall up. but i am keeping in contact with her and trying to regularly talk with her in one way or another. im now wondering how close i am to the point of her finally just saying something about how i am annoying her. id hate to lose her as a friend and not be able to talk to her anymore. only time will tell i guess.

tehdreamer said:

It sounds like you have a lot of love to give, but instead of saving it for someone who cares about you, you toss it anyone who crosses your path. You have to learn some restraint. Everything you said sounds good, but it's wasted and becomes just plain stalkerish if the woman doesn't share your feelings. And your level of devotion/obsession might seem frightening to someone who hasn't had a chance to get to know you well yet.

You have to find a way to tone it down.

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hi dreamer,
thanks for your thoughts. those lines of yours are really loaded! and that last line of yours sounds like a very valid point. i will keep that in mind.
but do you know, talking about restraint, i have been without a proper relationship since the last 3 years or so.. and when you said i have to tone it down, what did you mean exactly? thanks, liberal.

You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

It sounds like you drown these women with attention and expectations for contact; far too much. Don't be so clingy. Women don't like that.

I doubt you actually fall in love with many women .

Possibly you're hung up about being single, so every girl you're just the little bit attracted to, you get attached, you want them, then your dreams crash and burn when you can't have them. Maybe you're being clingy, like BJD said. Anyways, just try not to "fall in lust" with a woman just because you have a little bit of attraction with her. Try to get to know her more before you do that. Go do stuff you like to do to take your mind off things and become "strong" as you said.

liberal_soul said:

tehdreamer said:

It sounds like you have a lot of love to give, but instead of saving it for someone who cares about you, you toss it anyone who crosses your path. You have to learn some restraint. Everything you said sounds good, but it's wasted and becomes just plain stalkerish if the woman doesn't share your feelings. And your level of devotion/obsession might seem frightening to someone who hasn't had a chance to get to know you well yet.

You have to find a way to tone it down.

Click to expand...

hi dreamer,
thanks for your thoughts. those lines of yours are really loaded! and that last line of yours sounds like a very valid point. i will keep that in mind.
but do you know, talking about restraint, i have been without a proper relationship since the last 3 years or so.. and when you said i have to tone it down, what did you mean exactly? thanks, liberal.

Click to expand...

Well, I've been all of my life without a relationship so I guess that gives me more of a edge to hold back on. Sure, it would be nice to have a good relationship happening right here, right now. I'd like nothing more. But things like that take time unless you're just looking for something quick and meaningless.

Approach the situation with caution. You can express your interest in someone without telling them you love them. Keep it simple like just saying "I like you." or "Would you like to go out sometime?". Spend some time getting to really know a person before giving them your all because they might turn out to be someone you really don't like as a person. Then you wouldn't have wasted so much effort. And if you discover you really do like them and they like you back, it would have been worth the wait.

I don't know if any of that makes sense, but it's hard explaining things. Especially when it comes to relationships and matters of the heart.

Badjedidude said:

You're putting the pussy on a pedestal.

It sounds like you drown these women with attention and expectations for contact; far too much. Don't be so clingy. Women don't like that.

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Well, I wouldn't mind clingy if I was with the dude. If it were someone who simply liked me, then I'd be a little annoyed, and possibly creeped out if he didn't back down.

thanks a lot all for your comments.
the best part of this is that i have been able to tell exactly what i wanted to (or perhaps a little more than i should have), with no fear of holding back by fear of being disliked!
dreamer, thanks for your comments again; vanilla, you are very kind; jedi, i will remember the word clingy; and to the person who suggested i be "strong" like i said, thanks for the valuable advice!!