"You have to be happy with yourself first"

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andrew732

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Why do people always tell us lonely singletons that? If you were truly happy all on your own, then why would you even want a relationship at all? Maybe they mean "you can't expect a relationship to magically solve all your problems" which is a much more reasonable statement. Amiright?
 
I think maybe that you are right.
I think you have to be happy with who you are be for you meet Mr or misses right.
After all if your not even able to make yourself happy then how are you ever going to make another happy?

But I do think sharing your life with another well add to your happiness. I hope. Sometimes it dose not.
I sometimes look at my friends and family fight with one another and thank myself lucky am single haha

One thing about being single is your free to do what ever when ever you like.
Goes to show there is a positive to every negative.
 
You can be happy with yourself and still want to be in a relationship. But, I say both are correct. I think people should find some sense of being and understanding for themselves first before they go and try to do that for someone else.
 
What that means is, when you're happy with yourself, so will the women you engage in. Realize that women are an addition to your life, not a MAIN focus, and you will start to become more confident with your dating life.
 
I think to an extent, you do have to be happy with yourself before you can engage in a serious relationship.
In the past, my relationships have gone downhill simply because of the way I'm feeling about myself. I've been with my current boyfriend now for over 3 months, and the first two months were absolutely wonderful. Then - due to certain situations I was in - I became stressed. I had quite a big self image problem and don't think very highly of myself, so when I'm stressed or upset I start feeling worse about myself. Because of this, it was putting strain on my relationship. He wasn't doing anything wrong - he hadn't changed whatsoever. It was me who had changed.

During the past 2 weeks, however, things have got a lot better and I genuinely feel happier in myself. Through this, I can see that it's having a positive effect on my relationship. :] If that makes any sense?
 
Belleza said:
I think to an extent, you do have to be happy with yourself before you can engage in a serious relationship.
In the past, my relationships have gone downhill simply because of the way I'm feeling about myself. I've been with my current boyfriend now for over 3 months, and the first two months were absolutely wonderful. Then - due to certain situations I was in - I became stressed. I had quite a big self image problem and don't think very highly of myself, so when I'm stressed or upset I start feeling worse about myself. Because of this, it was putting strain on my relationship. He wasn't doing anything wrong - he hadn't changed whatsoever. It was me who had changed.

During the past 2 weeks, however, things have got a lot better and I genuinely feel happier in myself. Through this, I can see that it's having a positive effect on my relationship. :] If that makes any sense?

I think that was my issue. For whatever reason, I was unhappy with myself. Thing is, I didn't even realize it or know it. So, my relationship with my ex just went downhill so incredibly bad. He wasn't happy with himself either. He has a lot of insecurities. And that lack of happiness within yourself comes out into the relationship, and kind of brings it down.
 
andrew732 said:
If you were truly happy all on your own, then why would you even want a relationship at all?

This is exactly what I used to think too. "What's the point in having a relationship, getting married, etc, if it makes absolutely no difference to your happiness, because you were already truly happy on your own? Surely a relationship must make you happier, even if only a little bit?"

I struggled with this question for years, but I think I'm slowly making progress with it now.


VanillaCreme said:
I think people should find some sense of being and understanding for themselves first before they go and try to do that for someone else.
MrPUA said:
Realize that women are an addition to your life, not a MAIN focus
VanillaCreme said:
lack of happiness within yourself comes out into the relationship, and kind of brings it down.

Thanks for these great replies guys! You've put into words my thoughts exactly.

If your relationship with your romantic partner is the primary source of happiness in your life, then that puts enormous pressure on the relationship. I imagine I would feel very uncomfortable if a future girlfriend looked to me in this way. I would want her to have her own interests and hobbies, that bring her happiness on her own. And I have my own hobbies (eg. playing the acoustic guitar) which bring me happiness on my own. To reword VanillaCreme's reply: "happiness within yourself comes out into the relationship, and kind of lifts it up."
 
This is the best thread I have seen yet! And all that I have seen I agree with. Every new member should have to read this as an induction to the forum! :D
 
QuietGuy said:
andrew732 said:
If you were truly happy all on your own, then why would you even want a relationship at all?

This is exactly what I used to think too. "What's the point in having a relationship, getting married, etc, if it makes absolutely no difference to your happiness, because you were already truly happy on your own? Surely a relationship must make you happier, even if only a little bit?"

I struggled with this question for years, but I think I'm slowly making progress with it now.

The point of it is sharing that happiness. That's where I'm at right now in my life. I may not have much, but what I do have, I want to share it with someone. And I must admit, having someone to share it with was awesome. There was a point in time where I was happy with my ex, and that's why I say I wouldn't trade it in for the world. I was willing to share my life with him, share my happiness and share my joy. And build even more joy and happiness with him.
 
all i can say is i think they are wrong. you dont have to be happy with yourself first to be happy.

but in the end yes you have to be happy with yourself to be happy.. but it can come after you get happy with all the other things in life. :)
 
A relationship is an experience that one can choose to peruse in their lifetime. It is merely an option, not a must.
And for those who think it is a must for happiness, I believe need to re-think their views!
 
to me relationships are a must.

Samuel said:
A relationship is an experience that one can choose to peruse in their lifetime. It is merely an option, not a must.
And for those who think it is a must for happiness, I believe need to re-think their views!
 
Both in a sorta way.

I know not everyone will experience a boy-girl or a sexual relationship and I agree that we dont need those to be happy.

But I think that most people in life.. need close relationships to be happy and I think they should experience those close relationship.

I also know my uncle (who lives with us).. he is almost 50 and he is mentally retarded. Okay he seems to be very happy. I think he is happy lol. But he does not have any close relationships. But then he is unique. Partially he is happy also because he is busy.. he has us to keep him busy and even though we do not provide close relationships we are always disturbing him so I guess we are ... just as good.

I dont know.. besides him, I cant think of anyone who I know of .. who can be happy without close relationships.


Samuel said:
Jales, do you mean it is a must in that it should be an experience that everyone should have in life, or a must to be happy in life?
 
A lot of great responses, thanks! So maybe we can rewrite the well-meaning but annoyingly-phrased piece of advice "you have to be happy with yourself first" as "the happier you are without a relationship, the more likely any relationship will succeed" ?
 
^^^It is important to be content with who you are...but that doesn't imply apathy or inaction, as some would have you believe.

Being content with yourself simply means being OK with who you are, no matter your situation in life. It's always important to keep trying to make yourself better than your are; but with the understanding that you're pretty good as you are now. That's what it means to me, anyway.
 
I've always been told you have to love yourself before anyone else will, which is the same yeah, I think the truth is you gotta be confident with yourself, with who you are, flaws and all, and once you get to that point you capable with other peoples emotions. If someone really disliked themselves not many people gunna be drawn to that, I wouldn't, and know that the fact I don't like myself annoys the &&%^&* out of anyone that actually does like me.
At the end of the day most people are going to be alone at some point, so to make that less painful you gotta try to like yourself, and then hey if things change super, but if not its cool because your not a total loser. I'm still trying to get to like me, been working on it for ages, and it is important, because if you cant be happy with yourself life its gunna be a ***** to you.
 
Badjedidude said:
That's what it means to me, anyway.

Some do tend to see contentment as some sort of setting for less than, which it isn't at all.
 
first off all.....relax a LOT. you can only fix one thing at a time.

Next....you just have to say screw it and put yourself first. No one else is going to say "what about YOU" so it's up to you to do it.....It's hard. One day at a time. Tell yourself you are first the first thing you do everyday.

If your happiness is hinged upon making others happy then you have some very toxic people in your life. Time to cut them out. I do not attend all of the family functions anymore, and I cut off my longtime friends. Some of the family is toxic but they are all demanding in their own way. Enough of that. It took a while to wake up and see the light with the friends....I was single and that is all I had to rely on at the time. It isn't worth it......You come first. Not them.

Next stop being in "love" which is more like lust with someone you can't have. Who said you can't have them. He doesn't care so why should you......

Next on the list is to stop looking and dedicate all of your time to YOURSELF. Learn to love yourself, swear off anyone else and take a year to dating yourself. If you are religous then it is sometimes used as a time to only focus on your God. I did this. Got sick of jerk after jerk using me while he hit on other girls. It will clairfy your inner self. Stop looking stop lusting you can't control your fate in this dept. Acept what ever it may be and learn to love it.

Get a roommate to help with expenses. So you can save up money and then you will have someone around. NO MALES you don't need that right now.

Lots of community colleges have grants you don't have to pay back or low income programs. Check them out go there in person. Some jobs will pay for your schooling....Look into that at work. If they don't get a job with a place that does.

My little secret for nice clothes. Second hand stores. You have to sort through everything but they often get in brand new clothing, about this time of year. Gifts no one liked. People are also doing spring cleaning and get rid of clothes. I myself have gotten things from a value village, that came from the high end shop i use to shop (the avenue). i also shop at woman within and lane bryant online, when they have sales it's great and their clearance is cheap. obviously you have a computer. go look them up.

Who cares if you go to a free event alone? You don't have to hear someone else whine and moan, you can stay all you want and do what you want to....Might meet some people there you like.....relax.
 

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