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Emmy

Emmy

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 28, 2010
Messages
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Location
Peterborough
Thinking my loneliness is driving me bat-honeysuckle insane. Am so upset all the time. I feel like a steaming pile of excrement right now because i'm so ridiculously alone i physically begged my nan to stay on the phone with me. I feel at a loss. Have tried but have failed and i try make friends and it never works. Am too shy, too immature, too self-aware, unconfident, lonely cretin. Nobody likes a depressive. Is just its difficult to get anywhere with anyone when you dont have any confidence anymore, you know?

Emotional strength of a tapeworm, can cry over adverts, pansy or whatever, just pathetic by nature not caring over that. Is just constant and frustrating. I just wanna smile, or get a hug, or christ alive lets be really radical here life and how about some positivity? Life is so draining, no friends or family and the government demand i work full time to finance a house that is mostly bank owned yet have the sheer idiocy to threaten me with having my benefits cut if i don't find employment? I mean, how do i find it with the methods being cut? I don't want the sodded money, i don't care about money, life is so twisted in the way it forces everything to be money related. Like a person without it is in someone inadequate or is supposed to envy the rich and desire a bigger bank balance. Well, fresia that.

Its almost comical, life takes the odd family member, ends close friendships, destroys you emotionally, savages you financially, pressures you with unimaginable stress and then takes a dump on your future. Taken my brother, have no friends and haven't had any since he passed, you took our house, you lease it back on the premis an unemployed person is supposedly suppose to finance its upkeep and its on their head should they fail, you give cancer to the one person i got and shes getting fed up with me anyway. Seriously. Why not just reach down and tear out my heart. I dunno who i'm mad at; me for allowing my life to fall down the shitter and being to weak of mind to stop it, my family for dying around me and leaving me with their grief, or God for not giving a rats ass, or the government for not protecting me, or friends for being non existent and nigh-on impossible to make. I dunno.

Am 20 years old and i sit here crying like a leaky tap, complaining waa waa ******* mug and best part is there are 7 billion people on this planet and i have not one in my life, just a nan who is making herself increasingly distant and has cancer and is in her 70s so gee things are terrific wow honestly thanks. Am supposed be having partners. Suppose be getting drunk. Suppose be going college. Suppose be having fun.

Why is life so serious?
Why are people so antagonistic?
Why are the governments and laws of our world so merciless?
Why does everyone settle in this systemic rhythm of working their asses of to pay for things they don't want or need and then being pushed to breaking point to pay for additional needless costs like taxation?
Why do people only chat when the chat leads towards sex?
Why do people not socialize anymore?
Why do people not make new friends and recluse to the safe haven of the few they know and leave others on the outside morbidly unhappy?
Why does life give out one chunk of unhappiness and follow it up with another few bigger doses?
Why? Why is life this oh so precious life we're supposed to cherish and be thankful of, why is it so relentlessly honeysuckle?
Where is everyone when you need them?

I don't know, maybe it's a case of stupidity on my part, it can go along with the other fails in my personality, i dunno, how am i supposed to know am supposed to still be growing up and full of life and etc.. where is it? Huh? Did i miss something? People with smiles on their faces? The fresia is their to smile about? Whats so chuffing good? Why can't i have it?
I just wanna stick my middle finger up at life.

I don't know, wrote too much. I go bed now is late here, maybe i'll get lucky and choke in my sleep, i wonder if they wouldnt dig up my grave to slide bills in? Maybe evict me from my crypt for not paying council tax. I'd say re-assure me things get better with age, but then isn't your childhood years and years through 20 the 'best years of your life'? Then.. obvious Q, why are they such relenting horseshit?

Sorry wrote so much, flame me, i implore you, you start the fire i go drink the gasoline and can light this whiny ***** alight. Oh and its saturday, everyone my age will be having a good time tonight then. Again, middle finger goes up to life.
 
You expressed much of what I often feel.
It's gotten to the point now that I am tired of just being alive some days.
If it's any comfort, I'll be right beside you giving the middle finger to life also.
(((((((((Emmy)))))))))
 
Emmy said:
i wonder if they wouldnt dig up my grave to slide bills in? Maybe evict me from my crypt for not paying council tax.
Click to expand...

LOL well normally I'd give you some reassurances... but with the tax people? I'm not so sure they WOULDN'T come after you after your death! :p

Seriously, though... I don't have any of the answers you're looking for.

Life is basically a bunch of blind animals running around a shifting underground maze of tunnels, running into and around each other, only infrequently and dimly understanding the direction in which they're going, but knowing for certain that they are moving toward an unseen demise.

Does that sound too dark? Maybe.

It sounds stupid to say that I try to just enjoy the ride, but really...if I'll never understand the point of it all (if there even is one), then why waste my time with asking questions? All that I can do is do my best each day to be there for others, to get for myself what I want, and to try to contribute some to society before I die. *shrug*

I dunno if any of that helps, but I hope something in there was worth the time it took you to read it. :) *HUGS FOR EMMY*
 
Badjedidude said:
Life is basically a bunch of blind animals running around a shifting underground maze of tunnels, running into and around each other, only infrequently and dimly understanding the direction in which they're going, but knowing for certain that they are moving toward an unseen demise.
Click to expand...

Yeah that's a pretty decent analogy, i just wish had some answers because fumbling around in uncertainty is a breeding ground for depression. I guess answers aren't too important, am just sick of not knowing. Only thing that seems assured is that life has a way of torturing you into submission until your eventual death, which can't come quick enough.

The whole contribute to society whilst we're here is good way to view things, just isn't anyone to contribute towards and am furious with the world and society as it is.. if anything i'd rather obliterate it into a million pieces while i'm here. But i get the gist of the message.
I dunno, think i'm just gonna lay down and wait for stuff to happen, can't be bothered with anything associated with this pitiful hunk of honeysuckle of a life and world. Meh.

((((((Luna))))))
Yeah guess we wanna all put a collective finger up at life, i guess am at that point you spoke about too. Am tired of life and it's dismal route through upset and unhappiness until you eventually die.

Urgh. Give up. Wave white flag on this cunting earth.
 
Emmy said:
The whole contribute to society whilst we're here is good way to view things, just isn't anyone to contribute towards and am furious with the world and society as it is.. if anything i'd rather obliterate it into a million pieces while i'm here. But i get the gist of the message.
I dunno, think i'm just gonna lay down and wait for stuff to happen, can't be bothered with anything associated with this pitiful hunk of honeysuckle of a life and world. Meh.
Click to expand...

I think that my whole belief in contributing to society is like voting theory. ONE VOTE COUNTS! :p No one completely understands how that's supposed to make us feel better, but I guess the point is that if NO ONE contributed anything, this world would be a whole lot shittier than it is. And that simple fact is enough for me to throw my chip in (small as it is) with those who fight to make things better, a little at a time each day. Long road? Yup. Benefits? Ethereal and in the future, at best.

But I have to believe that I'm working for a positive future, even if I never see that future. Because really... what else is there to look forward to?

*shrug*
 
Emmy said:
Thinking my loneliness is driving me bat-honeysuckle insane. Am so upset all the time. I feel like a steaming pile of excrement right now because i'm so ridiculously alone i physically begged my nan to stay on the phone with me. I feel at a loss. Have tried but have failed and i try make friends and it never works. Am too shy, too immature, too self-aware, unconfident, lonely cretin. Nobody likes a depressive. Is just its difficult to get anywhere with anyone when you dont have any confidence anymore, you know?

Emotional strength of a tapeworm, can cry over adverts, pansy or whatever, just pathetic by nature not caring over that. Is just constant and frustrating. I just wanna smile, or get a hug, or christ alive lets be really radical here life and how about some positivity? Life is so draining, no friends or family and the government demand i work full time to finance a house that is mostly bank owned yet have the sheer idiocy to threaten me with having my benefits cut if i don't find employment? I mean, how do i find it with the methods being cut? I don't want the sodded money, i don't care about money, life is so twisted in the way it forces everything to be money related. Like a person without it is in someone inadequate or is supposed to envy the rich and desire a bigger bank balance. Well, fresia that.

Its almost comical, life takes the odd family member, ends close friendships, destroys you emotionally, savages you financially, pressures you with unimaginable stress and then takes a dump on your future. Taken my brother, have no friends and haven't had any since he passed, you took our house, you lease it back on the premis an unemployed person is supposedly suppose to finance its upkeep and its on their head should they fail, you give cancer to the one person i got and shes getting fed up with me anyway. Seriously. Why not just reach down and tear out my heart. I dunno who i'm mad at; me for allowing my life to fall down the shitter and being to weak of mind to stop it, my family for dying around me and leaving me with their grief, or God for not giving a rats ass, or the government for not protecting me, or friends for being non existent and nigh-on impossible to make. I dunno.

Am 20 years old and i sit here crying like a leaky tap, complaining waa waa ******* mug and best part is there are 7 billion people on this planet and i have not one in my life, just a nan who is making herself increasingly distant and has cancer and is in her 70s so gee things are terrific wow honestly thanks. Am supposed be having partners. Suppose be getting drunk. Suppose be going college. Suppose be having fun.

Why is life so serious?
Why are people so antagonistic?
Why are the governments and laws of our world so merciless?
Why does everyone settle in this systemic rhythm of working their asses of to pay for things they don't want or need and then being pushed to breaking point to pay for additional needless costs like taxation?
Why do people only chat when the chat leads towards sex?
Why do people not socialize anymore?
Why do people not make new friends and recluse to the safe haven of the few they know and leave others on the outside morbidly unhappy?
Why does life give out one chunk of unhappiness and follow it up with another few bigger doses?
Why? Why is life this oh so precious life we're supposed to cherish and be thankful of, why is it so relentlessly honeysuckle?
Where is everyone when you need them?

I don't know, maybe it's a case of stupidity on my part, it can go along with the other fails in my personality, i dunno, how am i supposed to know am supposed to still be growing up and full of life and etc.. where is it? Huh? Did i miss something? People with smiles on their faces? The fresia is their to smile about? Whats so chuffing good? Why can't i have it?
I just wanna stick my middle finger up at life.

I don't know, wrote too much. I go bed now is late here, maybe i'll get lucky and choke in my sleep, i wonder if they wouldnt dig up my grave to slide bills in? Maybe evict me from my crypt for not paying council tax. I'd say re-assure me things get better with age, but then isn't your childhood years and years through 20 the 'best years of your life'? Then.. obvious Q, why are they such relenting horseshit?

Sorry wrote so much, flame me, i implore you, you start the fire i go drink the gasoline and can light this whiny ***** alight. Oh and its saturday, everyone my age will be having a good time tonight then. Again, middle finger goes up to life.
Click to expand...

Emmy , I am involved in prayer groups and I believe in prayer . I am going to have a couple of the prayer groups pray for you. I am going to pray for you. Believe me GOD cares . It is not as bad as it seems . I know it looks bleak and gloom and doom , but it is not true. Things will change for the better GOD will turn your life around. What 's the point of being miserable . I know it makes sense due to circumstances, but it does not help /.I would like gto hear more from you, if you need a good heart to listen to you./j.
 
I think the main reason why this such a disgusting world is because the people who control (yeah yeah call me a conspiracy retard whatever) it want it to be just like that. A giant garbage bin. Sometimes I wonder...looking at nights at the stars and I think of all the ******* places in the universe, of all the beings I could be....but I'm here, I'm human, on this godforsaken land, my mind, body and soul destroyed every waking moment, whether I notice it or not.
Been watching a lot of NDE reports lately and they say that it's all going to be fiiiine and it all has a purpose, god is there all loving and this is just a ******* school for us to grow. fresia THAT! I'm sick and tired of learning and want to GTFO.

right...don't think this post was useful to you in the slightest but whatever...find something that keeps your mind occupied I guess...I play a lot of games...get stoned a lot...yeah...
 
wow, and here i thought that i was the only one who was disillusioned, depressive, and cynical. i don't really know what to say, but here's my take on your questions.

Q. Why is life so serious?

A. obviously some degree of seriousness is actually needed, but a lot of the time people really just want to make themselves feel important. this is usually expressed as people taking themselves to serious.

Q. Why are people so antagonistic?

A. people need that in their lives. if you believe you're part of a group that's "in the right" about _____ then you feel better about yourself. it saves you from having to accept blame because if you're in the right then obviously someone else is in the wrong.

Q. Why are the governments and laws of our world so merciless?

A. partly because we really need it... despite the fact that most don't want to admit it, people are essentially highly evolved animals. note the key word is animals there. the answer to your first question works here as well.

Q. Why does everyone settle in this systemic rhythm of working their asses of to pay for things they don't want or need and then being pushed to
breaking point to pay for additional needless costs like taxation?

A. we need that to... like mice running around a wheel chasing a block of cheese. kind of odd isn't it? somewhere along the line it became more acceptable in society to, say, have money to buy clothing then to be able to sew some for yourself.

Q. Why do people only chat when the chat leads towards sex?

A. darling, sex sells everything. ever see a fat newscaster? ok, but not many right? it's hardwired into people's brains. isn't nice to feel wanted? to think that someone wants you? (yeah, key word was think, no slip there)

Q. Why do people not socialize anymore?

A. they do, it's just more via facebook or text messages then good old fashion face to face conversation. cell phones and places like facebook helped change the face of socializing. (by the way, an avenue for mass consumerism and popularity contests, if you ask me)

Q. Why do people not make new friends and recluse to the safe haven of the few they know and leave others on the outside morbidly unhappy?

A. because your current circle is safe, you've got history. maybe it's not so much that they leave you outside, but sometimes you choose to stay outside. though, sometimes they really do leave you outside, i've experienced that. if that's the case, try agreeing with whatever they say and never voicing your own opinion about anything, lots of people are glad to let you in if you go that route.

Q. Why does life give out one chunk of unhappiness and follow it up with another few bigger doses?

A. what exactly is "happiness" anyway? isn't that like "normal", what is normal? is normal the same as average? if i have the same normal (average) things as everyone else then i should be happy rather than unhappy.

Q. Why? Why is life this oh so precious life we're supposed to cherish and be thankful of, why is it so relentlessly honeysuckle?

A. people make it suck a lot (ok, most) of the time, but there really is a lot of beautiful things in the world. when it seems like honeysuckle you've got to keep that in mind. maybe it's just seeing puffy white clouds against a blue sky. you have to admit that even something simple like brings you some kind of joy.

Q. Where is everyone when you need them?

A. probably having sex with someone else, at the bar getting drunk, or taking care of kids that they had when they came home from the bar drunk and had sex with someone else. sorry, that was sarcastic and cynical, they aren't necessarily at the bar or drunk. i wish i could tell you, i don't really know. maybe there aren't there because they want you to make them happy, not the other way around.
 
^ I guess most of thats true.

Little while since made this thread, feel 50X as worse since made it.
Was gonna make another but may as well just post here seeing as was recent usage.

Today sucked. Bad.
I just want to not be around anymore i just am so miserable today. I need stop being suicidal and then stopping myself going further on this falsified bullshit idea that in some way things get better.
Just leads to a day like today when you sit there and regret the fact you didn't die beforehand. I know if i was to go it wouldn't change anyone else, am i just afraid of physically doing it. I not sure. I wanna just go die quietly somewhere in a corner. Want it on my grave the question hows it possible to live in a planet of 7 billion people to be completely alone and disliked by everyone with a pulse who's ever come into contact.

What is it i do. Every day i have more questions and less answers. Hand my life over to someone with the ability to manage it. So alone it cripples me. If am truely destined for a better future then ill flirt with suicide on simple principal that if was meant for better then surely wouldnt be my time to go die. see how ******* moronic logic can be. seriously just ******* tear me apart. i dont think im honeysuckle. everyone else seems too. is the world that makes me wanna wrap my hands around my neck and tear my throat out. but need the world cos so alone. your paradox. ******* messed up. wipe me out i dont want to be here throw your wank improval methods at me i dunno hwo im to im even angry at the world or me or certain people i think just on mass everyone and any one
 
i don't have any wank improvement methods for you. but look, you don't really want to die. you'd be dead now if that's what you really wanted. what you want is for someone to understand how you feel. believe me, as much as you can understand someone else (or even yourself for that matter), i do, and at least some of the other 7 billion people do too. even though you're alone, you're not alone. get it? someone somewhere is right there with you.

it's not a falsified bullshit idea that things will get better either. you, me, and lots of other people on here just need to find some things that really make it better. how do i find that when i don't even know what i'm looking for you ask? i don't know.

so, something has to make you happy doesn't it? feel some amount of joy? something makes you smile at least a little sometimes... so what is it? and don't tell me nothing makes you happy at all. if that's the case then you're already dead. you're not though, i'm talking to you.
 
Appreciated, is, but gonna have respectfully disagree.
It's not understanding i'm after, don't think i'm really after anything at all.

Nothing on this godforsaken rock that makes me happy, smile from me is a rarity, is fresia all reason to be smiling for. Is almost an insult to people i've lost to sit here smiling like some chesire cat about some pointless feel-good moment of some kind that's meant to make a person happy.

I know i'd like to die so i'll concentrate on what is certain. I lost care for anything anyway so is zero point anybody trying suggest otherwise, is waste of time in all truth.
Shall go rot into obscurity until i make my move.
Ta all the same, but i'd rather burn then attempt to salvage some false ideals that life is actually not a bundle of honeysuckle.
So yeah, let's go undergo this rotting process, tara
 
i'm so sorry for your troubles, god i wish there was some way i could help.

i know you said that understanding doesn't help, but i understand. in more ways than one. i won't get into it, since you said understanding wouldn't help. but had to say it anyway because i do, and really am so heartbroken over your troubles
 

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