should I go back or move on?

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Caroline

Caroline

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I went out with my boyfriend for 8 months, longest relationship I've ever had. We broke up a few weeks ago cuz things got complicated. Well, things have always been a little hard for us anyway, since he lives in New Jersey, and me in New York. Seeing each other wasn't the problem though. In our relationship, we both knew that HE was the one who was in love. I simply just loved him a lot. That always took a toll on him, I guess. But we made it work.

I guess it's stupid, but we broke up because I got jealous over something, and I would never really let him go out without me. I know on my part, that was bad, but I didn't really realize I was doing it. I dunno. Me and him have broken up before, and gotten back together, but this time, it was official. We even talked about getting back together in 2 years, maybe. But I'm so lonely right now, I have nobody to talk to, to hang out with, nobody at all.

I guess what I'm thinking now is...do I get back with him? He's what I know, I'm comfortable with him, he's in love with me, everything. Even though I'm not in love and I doubt I ever will be, he's been really great to me. And I doubt I'll ever find someone like him. :\ OR, do I just forget about him completely and try to move on? Believe me, I've tried so hard not to think about him, and for a while it's been working, but I can't lie to myself any longer. I'm unhappy and lonely, and I might want to be with him again. T~T

Another issue here was that for a while, I was bent on dropping out of high school. I really couldn't take it anymore. My boyfriend was happy that I wouldn't have to deal with school anymore, cuz he saw how my then best friend had ruined me a little. But that's a different story. One day, I had a revelation. I really didn't wanna drop out of school. I'd rather just transfer to another school than have to deal with the one I'm currently in. So I told him this, and he said that he didn't really want me to go to a new school cuz he was worried that I'd find another guy and fall in love with him or something...but like I said, I doubt I'm ever gonna fall in love, or meet another guy like him.

I don't know what to do, I'm leaning towards getting back with him, no matter the complications, but I know everyone around me (like my mom, brother, cousins, etc.) are gonna be disappointed or something. >.<!!! somebody help me... :(
 
Caroline said:
But I'm so lonely right now, I have nobody to talk to, to hang out with, nobody at all.
Click to expand...

Not speaking from experience here - but I find it puzzling when people break-up that they can't talk to each other or maintain a mutual friendship with one another. I understand that things are upsetting and awkward after a break-up but surely talking to someone will make you feel better and wipe out any feelings of loneliness. I've had friends who have had break ups and they just can't just talk to their ex-girlfriend/boyfriend anymore and it's saddening and I can't imagine how they feel.

I hope things work out for you, but if not I hope you can still be friends with the person. Because I value friendship more than a relationship and friends are so important and no one should forget that. :)
 
Fair enough it was just a suggestion, I know it helps for some people and less for others.

Sadly I know that alot of guys are only into being in a relationship with a girl, and they never want or think about geniuine friendship. I know if I experienced a break-up, I would like to still be in contact with that person whether that be getting back together or just being friends.
 
If you want to get back with him just to avoid the feeling of loneliness... Well!! I think you'd be doing it for the wrong reason, but if you have found out after the break up that you are in love with him by all means you should do it!
An advise I can give you... avoid trying to control him. It will only lead you to further dissapointment.
 
I'm so blehh. I really hoped that I would fall in love, but it just isn't happening. Maybe I'm too young. Maybe I wasn't meant to have such a thing. I think I'll just...focus on summer school. Even though I know I'm miserable, maybe I can continue lying to myself just to get by. I feel like I'm wasting away my whole summer if I don't have anybody to spend it with though. Sure I have family, but that's not always enough.
 
So you're not 'in love' with him? Does that mean that you don't love this guy romantically? If you aren't attracted to him like that, then in the end I don't think you will be happy in that kind of relationship. It's probably not good for either of you. The question is, are you wanting to get back together because you're lonely, or because you miss him? And don't think you'll never meet another guy. You're only 16, and the world is full of men. There's literally billions of them :p



Nostalgia said:
I find it puzzling when people break-up that they can't talk to each other or maintain a mutual friendship with one another.
Click to expand...

It usually doesn't work that way. There's just too much baggage. In my opinion, people who can do that didn't have a very deep or serious relationship to begin with, or are just weird :p
 
Caroline said:
I'm so blehh. I really hoped that I would fall in love, but it just isn't happening. Maybe I'm too young. Maybe I wasn't meant to have such a thing. I think I'll just...focus on summer school. Even though I know I'm miserable, maybe I can continue lying to myself just to get by. I feel like I'm wasting away my whole summer if I don't have anybody to spend it with though. Sure I have family, but that's not always enough.
Click to expand...

How about friends? I mean other than this guy. And yes I believe you are way too young. You'll find the right one when the time comes... In the mean time enjoy life;)
 
Well, whatever you do... don't drop out of school. Dropping out of high school now will make college more complicated, make it harder to find a good job, etc. I know it sucks now, but high school is such a minor part of your life, you'll be amazed you ever thought about it as much as you did. And this is from someone who liked high school.
 
Vic Sage said:
Well, whatever you do... don't drop out of school. Dropping out of high school now will make college more complicated, make it harder to find a good job, etc. I know it sucks now, but high school is such a minor part of your life, you'll be amazed you ever thought about it as much as you did. And this is from someone who liked high school.
Click to expand...

I didn't really like my first 2 years, but hopefully transferring schools will help me enjoy the last 2 years. I only do enough to pass, high grades don't really matter to me, but I think I should change my way of thinking in that case. I'm not gonna bust my ass to get high grades, but I'll give it a fair shot. >.>
 
Caroline said:
Vic Sage said:
Well, whatever you do... don't drop out of school. Dropping out of high school now will make college more complicated, make it harder to find a good job, etc. I know it sucks now, but high school is such a minor part of your life, you'll be amazed you ever thought about it as much as you did. And this is from someone who liked high school.
Click to expand...

I didn't really like my first 2 years, but hopefully transferring schools will help me enjoy the last 2 years. I only do enough to pass, high grades don't really matter to me, but I think I should change my way of thinking in that case. I'm not gonna bust my ass to get high grades, but I'll give it a fair shot. >.>
Click to expand...

School is easier than you think it is. Most of it is effort, or the illusion of effort, and busywork. Very little requires great intelligence. Believe me, in two years when you graduate, you will be so glad you have that high school diploma, and will at least have an easier time of it should you go to college, which in my personal opinion everyone should at least try out. I mean, I'm not the big man on campus by any stretch of the imagination, but you do get acquaintances, guidance and a piece of paper that qualifies you to make more money.
 
Hi Caroline, i don't want to sound belittling, but you said you have 2 years of high school left, your what in grade 10? You have your whole life ahead of you, of course you don’t feel like your “In love” it take’s time to develop, I don’t care what the media make’s it seem to be, but “love at first sight” is a joke. I know many couples with great relationships.. Not a single one happened overnight. I takes years of being with someone for you to fully appreciate that and at your age two years must seem like a lifetime ( I know it did for me ) My advice is if you want to get back together with this guy, do it for the right reason’s. Being lonely shouldn’t be one of them. It’s not fair to him or you.
 
First of all....you should not be with anybody who thinks that dropping out of school is a better option than transferring to a new one and finishing your education.

Secondly....there is a song that says "you can lead a heart to love but you can't make it fall" and that is EXACTLY the case here. You do love him but you have not and are probably never going to "fall in love" with him. Because he IS in love with you and you do not feel the same way it is better to let him go. You will hurt him in the long run if you do not. Someday, if you do get back with him now that is, someday you could meet "the one" and actually FALL IN LOVE since people don't have control over that and you will end up hurting this guy that you are NOT in love with to follow your heart.

I know how easy it is to want to take someone back when you are lonely. He is your safety net. But you have to think about what is right in the long run.

Well this is my opinion at least.

Let me know what you think.................






Caroline said:
I went out with my boyfriend for 8 months, longest relationship I've ever had. We broke up a few weeks ago cuz things got complicated. Well, things have always been a little hard for us anyway, since he lives in New Jersey, and me in New York. Seeing each other wasn't the problem though. In our relationship, we both knew that HE was the one who was in love. I simply just loved him a lot. That always took a toll on him, I guess. But we made it work.

I guess it's stupid, but we broke up because I got jealous over something, and I would never really let him go out without me. I know on my part, that was bad, but I didn't really realize I was doing it. I dunno. Me and him have broken up before, and gotten back together, but this time, it was official. We even talked about getting back together in 2 years, maybe. But I'm so lonely right now, I have nobody to talk to, to hang out with, nobody at all.

I guess what I'm thinking now is...do I get back with him? He's what I know, I'm comfortable with him, he's in love with me, everything. Even though I'm not in love and I doubt I ever will be, he's been really great to me. And I doubt I'll ever find someone like him. :\ OR, do I just forget about him completely and try to move on? Believe me, I've tried so hard not to think about him, and for a while it's been working, but I can't lie to myself any longer. I'm unhappy and lonely, and I might want to be with him again. T~T

Another issue here was that for a while, I was bent on dropping out of high school. I really couldn't take it anymore. My boyfriend was happy that I wouldn't have to deal with school anymore, cuz he saw how my then best friend had ruined me a little. But that's a different story. One day, I had a revelation. I really didn't wanna drop out of school. I'd rather just transfer to another school than have to deal with the one I'm currently in. So I told him this, and he said that he didn't really want me to go to a new school cuz he was worried that I'd find another guy and fall in love with him or something...but like I said, I doubt I'm ever gonna fall in love, or meet another guy like him.

I don't know what to do, I'm leaning towards getting back with him, no matter the complications, but I know everyone around me (like my mom, brother, cousins, etc.) are gonna be disappointed or something. >.<!!! somebody help me... :(
Click to expand...
 
blueindia2681 said:
First of all....you should not be with anybody who thinks that dropping out of school is a better option than transferring to a new one and finishing your education.

Secondly....there is a song that says "you can lead a heart to love but you can't make it fall" and that is EXACTLY the case here. You do love him but you have not and are probably never going to "fall in love" with him. Because he IS in love with you and you do not feel the same way it is better to let him go. You will hurt him in the long run if you do not. Someday, if you do get back with him now that is, someday you could meet "the one" and actually FALL IN LOVE since people don't have control over that and you will end up hurting this guy that you are NOT in love with to follow your heart.

I know how easy it is to want to take someone back when you are lonely. He is your safety net. But you have to think about what is right in the long run.

Well this is my opinion at least.

Let me know what you think.................
Click to expand...

Great post, blueindia. The nail has been hit squarely upon the head. :p

Don't drop out of high school, Caroline. What Vic said earlier is correct. High school is NOT real life. In the long run, high school drama is one of the most insignificant forms of adversity that can be faced. I'm twenty-nine years old, and when I look back at my high school experience and examine how seriously we took these things, I just shake my head and laugh to myself.

Good luck!
 
there are just a few things that i want to point out here, and these are strictly branching from my personal beliefs and past experiences;

first, it's my personal belief that if you're with someone and you just love them (you aren't 'in love' with them), there really isn't a real reason to be together. if he's in love with you and you can't say the same thing, then you're darn right it takes a toll on him. that's just my belief. why be with someone if you're not both madly in love with eachother?

second, you're feeling lonely because he's not with you anymore, and that's simply that. if you really loved him, then of course you're gonna miss him when he's gone. plain and simple, no use getting all bent out of shape for. im sure you do have people to talk to and hang out with, it's just that it seems like the opposite because you're just used to being with him all the time.

third, if you've been through a couple of break ups already with this guy, why get back with him? it's not going to work, frankly. you've tried it a few times and it didn't work out, so i wouldn't give it another chance.

last, if he's encouraging you to drop out then he doesn't know what's best for you. that's a bad influence right there.

...and don't worry, there are plenty of guys out there that are perfect for you. if you keep saying that you'll never meet anyone else like him, then you're right. you have to believe that you'll meet someone before you actually do.

best of luck!
 

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