Friendship is like a love affair

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Silvernight

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Only entirely platonic. Anyone get that impression? It hurts to be dumped or forgotten by someone you considered your best friend no less than by a girlfriend/boyfriend. I was best friends with this girl at university, kindred souls you might say, and although we graduated about four years ago, we still used to get in touch regularly. We used to write to each other every month or so and occasionally I came over to her place. We still sometimes get in touch... but very rarely and the initiative is all mine. I don't try to get in touch more often than once in a few months as I don't want to annoy her. And maybe four times out of five those messages get ignored. I understand perfectly well that she may not be using skype at the same time but just any kind of later acknowledgement that she got that message would be nice. Alas, not to be. This was never the case when we were students.

Honestly, I just can't believe how pathetic I can be in this regard. She probably doesn't even give me any thought, yet I remember her and the good times we had together every day. This is why I say it is rather much like a love affair. It's horribly pathetic but I can't forget her, not really. Probably doesn't help that I basically have no other friends left either and very little ideas on how to get new ones. And by friend I mean a meaningful relationship instead of hi/bye or sharing a couple of words about some random topic. I was always content to have few friends as long as we really 'got' each other. But now it seems pretty much impossible and miracles are so very very rare. Even if you meet someone you could be really good friends with, they usually already have their own circle and have no need to form close friendships with anyone else.

This was a bit random I suppose but I just needed to say it. I felt so after reading one of my former university friend's blog. She's got the same issue, only she married an Australian guy with whom they met on skype and now lives in Australia. And unlike me she isn't even remotely shy or otherwise handicapped in terms of socializing, although she lives in a foreign country.

Hope you forgive me for boring you with my tirades :)
 
Not a bore at all. It's good to share. And I unfortunately am guilty of being ont he other end of that spectrum and have not returned emails, messages, or calls from old DEAR friends. Not because I don't cherish the time we spent together, but as time goes on priorities change and time is a luxury and ...and...you know what? Forget it. There is no excuse. It's just me being a bad friend.
 
I understand what you're saying, I've had friends who I loved and cared about. I appreciated, and I now miss the good times we once shared and the memories are forever with me.

When I dropped out of school and semmingly isolated myself from society, I lost a good few close friends, friends who I probably would of classed as best friends. Some of my friends miss me, and they care for me and they are concerned for me, and they want to remain in regular contact with me. Other friends I thought I had, have forgotten me and they have moved on. One of the few positive experiences that has come out of my isolation is that, I have found who my true friends are.

If this girl isn't interested in you anymore than she isn't a true friend. Trust me I've had great memories with great people who at the time I would of considered them great friends, but some of them have now forgotten me and haved moved on. People change and move on with with their lives and it's something that we just have come to terms with.
 
Nostalgia said:
I understand what you're saying, I've had friends who I loved and cared about. I appreciated, and I now miss the good times we once shared and the memories are forever with me.

When I dropped out of school and semmingly isolated myself from society, I lost a good few close friends, friends who I probably would of classed as best friends. Some of my friends miss me, and they care for me and they are concerned for me, and they want to remain in regular contact with me. Other friends I thought I had, have forgotten me and they have moved on. One of the few positive experiences that has come out of my isolation is that, I have found who my true friends are.

If this girl isn't interested in you anymore than she isn't a true friend. Trust me I've had great memories with great people who at the time I would of considered them great friends, but some of them have now forgotten me and haved moved on. People change and move on with with their lives and it's something that we just have come to terms with.

Maybe she isn't, then that means I never had true friends even when I thought I did. I do trust my judgment of people though, it's rarely wrong and I think it's as simple as what you said - people change and move on. I totally realize I should just come to terms with it, 'suck it up', to put it crudely. Unfortunately, though I fully understand the wisdom of it, I haven't been able to do it yet.

See, I once believed that some friendships can last a lifetime - mostly a naive and yes, kind of antiquated notion (reality check, hullo! xD) - I understand it now but I refused to believe it then. And guess where I first picked it up... it used to be my favourite book "The Three Musketeers" LOL. I still kind of believe it but I guess such friendships are just extremely rare and I have already had my chances, and obviously flunked them. One can hope, of course.
 
I've been on both ends, some friends e-mailed me and called me w/o my response Why? I guess my priorities were different at the time. And I've e-mailed and called friends that do not return my calls. I'm thinking maybe I don't expect so much out of people anymore. Love, whether it is in a relationship or a friendship, I think it's best when you give it unconditionally, you do your part and it's up to the other to return it. You sound like a very sweet person and I'm sure you'll find many friendships along your way :)
 
Interesting perspective, except for one gaping flaw. You don't always get to have sex with friends. (hehe) :p

You're right about lifelong friendships being rare. But it IS possible, especially if both friends are willing to put forth the effort to continue the relationship with each other.
 
Silvernight, I connected with your post very deeply (sounds rather dramatic, but it's true!). I truly cherish my close friends, and because I care about them so much, I have a constant nagging doubt that in all likelihood, they don't care about me the same way. I don't want to lose them, but I see it as inevitable. I wish someone could love me so much as to want to be my friend for life, but such friendships are rare I expect. If it makes you feel any better, I do think that your situation is not unique at all--there are many here and everywhere that know exactly how you feel. Some people don't even make long friendships a priority. They are satisfied to have people to hang out with on the weekends, and nothing deeper. At least you were able to experience the close friendship for many years. And I suspect that she probably thinks fondly of your time together as well; it's just that to her, the time has passed.

Good luck, and *hugs*
 
I've been through the same exact thing. Only, it happened to me over a period of time, with multiple friends. I've actually had much less trouble attracting romantic interest than sustaining a friendship...it's a bit odd to me when I hear people's stories of "will-he-or-won't-he-call" dating scene etc. because it sounds a lot more like my attempt to make friends.

If you are the kind of person who doesn't get back to people...please, please DO! I'm not being overdramatic when I say it's emotionally scarring. I've been rejected so many times I came to the conclusion that real friendships as an adult are just not worth trying to achieve, and I've stopped trying. I would be responsive if someone else wanted to take the initiative, but I just don't anymore.
 
Most of my friends are computer nerds and they are very faithful. They can't get a girl though, but i am assured of life-long friendships, whatever happens to me. Lots of other people are very critical. I lost one female friend, with whom i was very close and also others. Problem is that they don't want to spend time with me when i am not feeling very well for a long time on a row. I think they would miss out on someone who they can really trust. I disagree that friendship is the same as a love affair, because you can be friends with lots of people without a problem. In love affairs there is always social rules and jealousy.

My experience is that it works very well to join a union, like doing sports or some other hobby. Important is that you see people of this union in a pub or meet them at their homes or during a whole weekend. That way you can easily make friends. Another place is work.
 
Daan said:
Most of my friends are computer nerds and they are very faithful. They can't get a girl though, but i am assured of life-long friendships, whatever happens to me. Lots of other people are very critical.

Out of fairness to the friends I do have, I guess I should explain further. I don't know about the OP, but this is my experience, anyway: I do have some friends that will probably always be my friends, mostly people from high school and a few from college. Problem is, I moved away, a lot of them moved away too, and now we're scattered all over the country (or the world, even). I'm lucky if I see them every 2 years. We keep in touch with email and Facebook and whatnot too, but I miss the times when I could actually just call up one of these people to hang out. I'm very grateful for these friends I have, but I wish I had some people close by I can be with in person on a somewhat regular basis, you know??
 
you make a good point. i've lost a best friend because he never has time to write me. he's aknowledged in the past that he doesn't make time for me. we live in two sepereate states, and the only way we can communicate is by e-mail because i don't have a cell phone or a landline at my house. i haven't heard from him in years now. i'll shoot him an e-mail a few times per year, especially on his birthday but he never writes back. i think our best friendship has deteriorated to a point where we're more like strangers that knew eachother in a past life. nevertheless, he's one of the greatest friends i've ever had and i'll always remember him. from what i hear though, he's a completely different person now. he's taken on this strange, wild, fake persona. i almost feel guilty for not being there to remind him of who he really is.
 

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